paradisa | 98.5 - got more to give than you've got to prove (broadcast)

[the usual Leonard Cohen tune plays for a little while ... and then is interrupted by the crackle and buzz of radio static. a moment later, it's replaced by this album, which Mark lets play underneath as he broadcasts]

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd here it is, Monday night, time for the latest edition of what's goin' down here in questionably beautiful Castle Wonderfuck! I'm sure you all enjoyed the nice little festival we've had the past few days, learned a lot about some pretty badass heroes ... I know I did, even if today ended on a really fucked-up note. Anyone know what the deal with that giant wolf thing was? I saw it outside the window and decided I'd just be a spectator, today ...

And hey, before I get to the meat of this week's food for thought, let's give a nice Monday night welcome to Senri, Edward Elric, Wheatley, Yukiko, Connor, Murphy, and Christina.

Okay, people, we've got some serious business to get down to tonight. It's come to my attention that we ... don't actually have a set system of rules for this place, and people've taken their sweet fucking time deciding on one because of ... I dunno, political bullshit about everyone's worlds being different, and some having magic, and some not, and some being in these really awful wars where some stuff's easier to get away with and ... you know, bla bla bla bullshit city. So yours truly has decided to do you a nice little public service and get the ball rolling. You might not agree with all of 'em, and I might'a missed something, but it's a fuckin' start, which is more than I can say we've had in the year and chump change I've been here. Ladies, gents, and critters, I give you....

The Ten ComMarkments. [told you he'd do it, Maladict. he's got his journal open, too, so that the words are dictated in as he reads them. once they show up, he'll add the proper embellishments]

1. Thou Shalt Not Kill Or Maim Other Residents.
(Your ass will get locked up like Fort Knox. If you don't know what that is, look it up.)
2. Thou Shalt Not Help The First Gens Fuck Shit Up.
(They're assholes. We don't care if you hate the castle as much as they do, just don't fucking take it out on us.)
3. Thou Shalt Not Use Magic To Fuck With People.
(It's right up there with killing and maiming and will also get your ass locked up.)
4. Thou Shalt Not Use The Microwave For Other Than Its Intended Purpose.
(Just because you don't know what you're doing doesn't mean you get to deny people the chance to eat Hot Pockets.)
5. Thou Shalt Not Wreck Shit In Town.
(People who live there work there, you know. How would you like it if someone fucked with your shit?)
6. Thou Shalt Not Harrass The Townspeople.
(Really, what did they ever do to you?)
7. Thou Shalt Not Use Thy Losses As An Excuse To Be A Dickhead.
(If you honestly couldn't help it, we get that, but seriously, people. Don't fake it, either.)
8. Thou Shalt Not Compromise the Safe Zones
(.... But why would you really wanna do it?)
9. Thou Shalt Not Steal.
(Nine times out of ten you can wish it up, anyway, and if you can't? It's probably okay that you don't have it to begin with.)
10. Thou Shalt Not Help Anybody Break The Other ComMarkments.
(It's just not cool. And you could probably get locked up for that, too.)

And there you have it! C'mon, discuss! Let's turn this into somethin' we can all actually use!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I found not completely freaking out made things much easier dealing with the huge wolf.

I think it was just hostile if you didn't keep your calm.

I like it. Except for the name.

That'll help with those two brothers. They seem intent on either ignoring me, or vanquishing me.

If that's the biggest problem you've got? Hey, I can live with changin' the name.

... Wait, what? You lost me, buddy. What's goin' on?

And who is going to enforce them?

Yeah? ... Huh, that's weird. Did you find anything else out about it? I mean, what'd it do?

Well, there's a reason my brother handled the politics.

Well, I shimmered in front of them, gave them the standard greeting, warned them that I was a demon, and despite my best assurances, they still think I'm dangerous.

...They're right, of course, just not in the way they think.

One of the smaller wolves tried intimidating me, I just kept my cool, so they moved aside and let me approach.

Once I got close it wanted something, I couldn't figure out what it was initially, until one of the other wolves came up to my side and bowed it's head.

It just expected me to pay my respects it to or something, though I've no idea why.

[A pause.]

It was in a lot of pain though.

... Geez. The thing probably had no fucking clue what it was doing here, if no one'd seen it before.

Haha, yeah? ... Hopefully this'll be at least some good. I mean, we gotta have somethin' we can point to when people try an' tell us there's nothing that says they can't be jackasses.

You heard of the Peace Patrol, yet? ... We've actually got a couple people locked up in the basement for shit that went down last summer, but ... before we could get the trials up and runnin', the girl that was helpin' me get 'em together went home.

I felt...a little sorry for it, I guess. I was hoping I could do something about it. It wasn't physical pain but I suppose I could sense...unrest. Madness even. It's mind was tortured.

But in the end I guess there's nothing we can do. That's up to the people who live on it's planet to do. We can't do anything of value to otherworldly creatures like that.

Well ... think of it this way ... they're new, yeah? ... Maybe once they've been here and figured out that we're all in the same boat full of fuck, they'll calm down.

'Til then, you could always bug the shit out of them over the journals. [what. he's a troll at heart.]

Yes, I've heard of the Peace Patrol at one point. In that case, I --

...

...Did you say something about, 'trials?'

... Damn. I hope nobody actually tried to hurt it, then.

Yep! We've had two since I got here last year - one for a resident who went on a loss and hurt a bunch'a people against her will, and one for a jackass with a split personality who tried to kill a little girl.

To my knowledge one of the smaller wolves was killed.

Aside from that I don't know if anyone tried fighting the larger one.

Hm. Interesting. I was informed that there was no judicial system here. Who presided over these trials?

That's what I thought, but they seem to be real intent on this whole path of god thing.

I made sure they knew my name. But I don't think bugging them will be the best way.

[A pause.]

Then again, it is a way.

[Connor didn't catch the very beginning of the broadcast, having been playing with the radio he'd found to see if there was anything decent to listen to. He found the station in time to hear his own name being announced over the airwaves. He sit quietly, listening to the boy speak (Mark, he supposed, if the name of his rule set was any indication). Sacrilege aside, he likes the sentiment, and he likes the kid's style. When Mark opens it up for discussion he chuckles softly, pulling his journal over.]

Thanks fer the welcome. 'snice to see someone out there who seems to know what's goin' on. But... what's all that 'bout the microwave?

We should have them inscribed in stone.

Wait, define "use magic to fuck with people".

I can't tell if you're trying to be taken seriously. Your wording is very facetious.

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98.5 - got more to give than you've got to prove (broadcast)

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