98.5 - got more to give than you've got to prove (broadcast)

[hard_talker]

[the usual Leonard Cohen tune plays for a little while ... and then is interrupted by the crackle and buzz of radio static. a moment later, it's replaced by this album, which Mark lets play underneath as he broadcasts]

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd here it is, Monday night, time for the latest edition of what's goin' down here in questionably beautiful Castle Wonderfuck! I'm sure you all enjoyed the nice little festival we've had the past few days, learned a lot about some pretty badass heroes ... I know I did, even if today ended on a really fucked-up note. Anyone know what the deal with that giant wolf thing was? I saw it outside the window and decided I'd just be a spectator, today ...

And hey, before I get to the meat of this week's food for thought, let's give a nice Monday night welcome to Senri, Edward Elric, Wheatley, Yukiko, Connor, Murphy, and Christina.

Okay, people, we've got some serious business to get down to tonight. It's come to my attention that we ... don't actually have a set system of rules for this place, and people've taken their sweet fucking time deciding on one because of ... I dunno, political bullshit about everyone's worlds being different, and some having magic, and some not, and some being in these really awful wars where some stuff's easier to get away with and ... you know, bla bla bla bullshit city. So yours truly has decided to do you a nice little public service and get the ball rolling. You might not agree with all of 'em, and I might'a missed something, but it's a fuckin' start, which is more than I can say we've had in the year and chump change I've been here. Ladies, gents, and critters, I give you....

The Ten ComMarkments. [told you he'd do it, Maladict. he's got his journal open, too, so that the words are dictated in as he reads them. once they show up, he'll add the proper embellishments]

1. Thou Shalt Not Kill Or Maim Other Residents.
(Your ass will get locked up like Fort Knox. If you don't know what that is, look it up.)
2. Thou Shalt Not Help The First Gens Fuck Shit Up.
(They're assholes. We don't care if you hate the castle as much as they do, just don't fucking take it out on us.)
3. Thou Shalt Not Use Magic To Fuck With People.
(It's right up there with killing and maiming and will also get your ass locked up.)
4. Thou Shalt Not Use The Microwave For Other Than Its Intended Purpose.
(Just because you don't know what you're doing doesn't mean you get to deny people the chance to eat Hot Pockets.)
5. Thou Shalt Not Wreck Shit In Town.
(People who live there work there, you know. How would you like it if someone fucked with your shit?)
6. Thou Shalt Not Harrass The Townspeople.
(Really, what did they ever do to you?)
7. Thou Shalt Not Use Thy Losses As An Excuse To Be A Dickhead.
(If you honestly couldn't help it, we get that, but seriously, people. Don't fake it, either.)
8. Thou Shalt Not Compromise the Safe Zones
(.... But why would you really wanna do it?)
9. Thou Shalt Not Steal.
(Nine times out of ten you can wish it up, anyway, and if you can't? It's probably okay that you don't have it to begin with.)
10. Thou Shalt Not Help Anybody Break The Other ComMarkments.
(It's just not cool. And you could probably get locked up for that, too.)

And there you have it! C'mon, discuss! Let's turn this into somethin' we can all actually use!

Comments

dictated

[kamenriderdecade]

I found not completely freaking out made things much easier dealing with the huge wolf.

I think it was just hostile if you didn't keep your calm.

[hard_talker]

Yeah? ... Huh, that's weird. Did you find anything else out about it? I mean, what'd it do?

[gunslinger]

I like it. Except for the name.

[hard_talker]

If that's the biggest problem you've got? Hey, I can live with changin' the name.

[demontobeloved]

That'll help with those two brothers. They seem intent on either ignoring me, or vanquishing me.

[hard_talker]

... Wait, what? You lost me, buddy. What's goin' on?

[cantacquityou]

And who is going to enforce them?

[hard_talker]

You heard of the Peace Patrol, yet? ... We've actually got a couple people locked up in the basement for shit that went down last summer, but ... before we could get the trials up and runnin', the girl that was helpin' me get 'em together went home.

[shepherdsveritas]

[Connor didn't catch the very beginning of the broadcast, having been playing with the radio he'd found to see if there was anything decent to listen to. He found the station in time to hear his own name being announced over the airwaves. He sit quietly, listening to the boy speak (Mark, he supposed, if the name of his rule set was any indication). Sacrilege aside, he likes the sentiment, and he likes the kid's style. When Mark opens it up for discussion he chuckles softly, pulling his journal over.]

Thanks fer the welcome. 'snice to see someone out there who seems to know what's goin' on. But... what's all that 'bout the microwave?

[hard_talker]

Yeah, no problem. I keep an eye on things. ...

The microwave? You'd be surprised how many people just jam shit in there and hit buttons without askin' questions. It's blown up at least three times since I've been here.

[heloise]

We should have them inscribed in stone.

[hard_talker]

Hahaha, so you like 'em, Lucrezia?

[delincuente]

Wait, define "use magic to fuck with people".

[hard_talker]

Y'know. Hurt 'em, make 'em do things they don't wanna do.

[Alex]

Pranks are still totally acceptable under the tenets of the ComMarkments. You're good.

[ex_avenged224]

I can't tell if you're trying to be taken seriously. Your wording is very facetious.

[hard_talker]

Well, I ain't exactly a legislator. If someone were to actually make 'em sound like real laws, I wouldn't exactly give 'em hell for it.

[cheerupemoborg]

You honestly expect anyone to take you seriously with that kind of wording?

[hard_talker]

[oh Jesus it's this asshole again. Mark sneers, glad the journal can't see it, then gets his smarm on

Hey, I made a fuckin' start, which is more than I can say for everyone else around here.

Mark

[notanthea]

[There's a surprised laugh before she tosses the filter up.]

I shudder to imagine what people have been using the microwave for it to feature in your rules.

Anthea

[hard_talker]

Trust me, you probably don't wanna know. I heard someone tried to put their hat in it.

Written

[bootsweremadeforcasting]

'I seem to have missed something, or possibly I wasn't here when it happened.

Who are the 'First Gens'?'

[hard_talker]

Oh! Yeah, they've been quiet for a few months now, but they're a bunch of people who used to live here and moved out to the Dead Zone. Some of 'em have places of their own where they live, some of 'em are just kinda nomads who mind their own business ... but there's one particular group that're just a bunch of fuckheads who like screwing with us for no evident reason.

[mal_addict]

[Aww, she's so proud]

I bet these will be broken in less than 24 hours.

[hard_talker]

Hopefully just the microwave one. ... Who knows, maybe they'll take.

[molotov]

You never shut up, which bothers everyone, and yet you think you have the moral hierarchy to dictate rules?

[hard_talker]

[he laughs. oh, yes, blessed opposition. BRING IT] You make ridiculous fuckin' generalizations, which I don't give a shit about, so I guess we're even.

And hey, you ever hear of the concept of a first draft?

[psych0p0mps]

brb making the microwave into a hat

[no not really.]

[hard_talker]

And that's all you take from that. [he's laughing, though] Nice, Aradia. Real nice.

ooc

[too_fairytale]

[omg I hate you, I want a Hot Pocket now and we don't have any ;_;]

[gottaknockhard]

[Sounds like the start of a cult to him. ... Although, he was suspiciously locked in a room for two days. Hm.]

I guess the free ride's over.

[hard_talker]

[now here's a voice he hasn't heard in a while]

Dare I ask?

[arealwoman]

Now that is just creepy.

[hard_talker]

... What is?

HH

[youfallback]

Not bad ideas. I'll make a copy of this and see if I can't add more to them.

C to end

[hard_talker]

Thanks, C. .... How's that Jeep doin'?