paradisa | 021 Unread Page(s) In Your Inbox

Entry tags:

021 Unread Page(s) In Your Inbox - Flagged as Important

((Backdated to the morning Sam leaves the Castle.))

[Flynn glances over at the closed bedroom door as he sips his coffee] Either he’s sleeping later than usual or he’s up to something in there. [His gaze turns to Alan, eyebrows raised in question.]

[Alan mirrors Flynn’s expression right back at him.] You’re right - he’s not usually this quiet. Should be up and at ‘em by now. [He pushes back from the table and stands, gently knocking twice on Sam’s door.] Sam? You alright in there?

[When there was no answer Flynn’s forehead creased in concern. He crossed to stand at the door with Alan] Hey, kiddo, you awake? [He pauses for a moment, listening. His heart drops as the silence brings one of his biggest worries climbing to the surface. Taking a slow breath he opens the door a crack, looking in.] Sam?

[By now the younger Flynn should have woken up, had he not been awake before. Sam seemed fine-tuned to the sound of his father’s voice, one ear always listening for it. There’s no rustle of covers, no awakening groan. It should be quiet, but all Alan can hear is his heartbeat thudding in his ears; even Kevin’s voice sounds like he’s far away, like Alan’s underwater. He applies a little pressure to the door to open it further, and the bed, immaculately made, comes into view. The older man drags in a deep breath.] No...

[Flynn opens his mouth but no words come out. He stands in the doorway staring at the empty bed - the first time he’s seen it made since he got there - as if Sam were going to hop out from behind the door and shout “gotcha” at any second. But he knows that’s not going to happen. He’s not sure how, but he just knows that his son is no longer there. Tears brim in his eyes as he steps into the room, walking towards the empty bed.]

[The pit in Alan’s stomach intensifies, but he shakes his head to try and clear it. He’d not given up hope on Flynn then, and he certainly wasn’t going to give up on Sam now, regardless of what his instincts were telling him - that dread that meant the worst had occurred.] This’s happened before. When I thought I was Tron, when you went to the mirrored world... We have to make sure. Maybe someone’s seen him.

[Alan’s voice shakes Flynn out of his daze. He nods, turning to look at his friend.] You’re right. I... I’ll go check his other room. [With one final glance at the empty bed he turns to leave the bedroom. As long as there’s that one final shred of hope he has to hold onto it. Until he sees for his own eyes, knows for certain.]

[Alan nods to Flynn and squeezes firmly on Flynn’s shoulder in a consoling manner.] I’ll go too. [He can’t leave his friend alone to face what might be the worst thing to happen to each of them. After Flynn passes him, Alan scoops up his journal and quickly filters a message, trying to keep his voice calm so as not to scare the boy. Nonetheless, his voice shakes.]

(Sam Flynn)
Sam, where are you? Your room’s empty, didn’t tell us where you were going...Your dad and I are really worried.

Please, Sam, answer me.

[That, too, garners no response; hope starts to flicker in Alan’s heart. He keeps his journal open as he quickly follows Flynn to the door.]

[The silence from the journal makes the weight in Flynn’s chest even heavier. He keeps his breathing steady, focusing on the task at hand to keep himself from focusing on the fear he knows both he and Alan share. He glances over at the other man as they head down the stairs. Alan took care of Sam when he couldn’t - longer than he had in fact. If he really was gone he knew they would share that grief equally. He thinks about saying something, trying to be hopeful, but everything just sounds empty. Instead he just reaches out and touches Alan’s shoulder as they pass through the lobby, both to reassure Alan and to remind himself that no matter what happens he’s not alone.]

[Flynn’s touch helps to ground Alan’s thoughts, holding off a stream of progressively negative what-if scenarios. He meets his friend’s eyes to let him know the gesture is appreciated.

As quickly as they can, the two men make it up to Sam’s old room, running as they reach Sam’s hallway. Alan stops short in front of Sam’s door.

The nameplate is empty.

No no no no no. It can’t be. Sam can’t be gone, just like that.]

Sam... [Any hope that Flynn had managed to stir up was crushed by the empty door in front of him. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears that overflow his eyes, coursing down his cheeks as he reaches out to touch the door. His son was gone. He’s gone home to grow up not knowing where he was or how much he loved him. That hurts more than the thought of being without his little boy again. He closes his eyes, his head dropping forward as he mourns the first thing the castle’s taken away from him that truly hurts.]

[Alan’s grief is quiet, subdued. The real mourning will come later, in their rooms up in the Tower. Where every day, he’ll wake up without the lively noises of a young boy who hadn’t yet become as cynical as he would be in twenty years. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes, misting the lenses of his glasses. He can’t speak past the lump in his throat, and he’s powerless to do anything but watch as his friend is overcome with sorrow for his son, the same sadness that’s boring holes into his heart, threatening to drown him.

A few minutes stretch on for what seems like hours before Alan lays his hand once again on Flynn’s shoulder and the two of them head back to their rooms.

Once they’re back and Alan has found his voice, he filters again to the journal, his voice hoarse.]

(Friends of Sam Flynn)
Sam’s gone home.

((Open to action on their way back to their rooms, or over the journal.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[initially, CLU is furious.... How can Flynn apologize and say he'll do what he needs with one breath, then ask him to wait with the next? after all, he's already done his waiting. Sam came first for cycles...

...and then he realizes how many cycles Flynn missed. that the circuit went both ways. .... he thinks of what Delta told him, that humans are the way they are because they can shift their perspective. he can't quite do it... can't make the leap of logic that would let him realize he kept Flynn from Sam the way Flynn kept him from finishing the Grid with him... but he knows there's something he's not seeing. and instead of being angry... he just shakes his head]

I don't understand.

[Flynn sighs, looking to Alan for a moment. How the hell is he going to explain this...]

CLU... I've lost someone very important to me today. I don't know if I'm ever going to see him again and all I can think about is right now he's growing up without me. He'll never remember being with me here. [The tears start to prick at his eyes once again and he looks away] CLU he thinks it was his fault I never came home.

[He pauses, then, looking down at the figure in his hand. He doesn't know if this is going to make CLU angrier or dredge up old memories he didn't want... but he can't lie to him.]

I can't just push those feelings aside right now.

["he thinks it was his fault I never came home". those words are hauntingly familiar, as is the concept of being afraid of never seeing someone again. it doesn't completely click, but he understands the fear, and he understands the betrayal of someone leaving without a word or a warning. in a microcycle, he suddenly feels as though he almost understands not just Flynn, but Sam, as well, in hindsight. why the boy'd gone running straight to him ...]

... Did Sam have an incomplete directive, too?

[again: he's trying]

[Flynn can't help but smile sadly. CLU is trying so hard, and making connections he never thought possible. The fact that CLU is giving this so much thought and trying to work through this instead of just getting mad and storming off means the world to him. HIS LITTLE PROGRAM'S GROWING UP!]

Something like that, yeah. He's still young so he needs a lot more direction and constant guidance than, say, Alan or I do.

[growing up, yes, but he's still very logic based. so right about here is where he hits a brick wall. Sam's directive is incomplete. So is his. Sam isn't here. He is. ....and yet Flynn is still focused on Sam. He's a User, he's supposed to make sure all running programs function properly... and yet...]

Time stops here. Now that he's gone, he's back with Alan. [he gives Flynn a raise of his eyebrows. Therefore.....?]

[He nods] That's true, he is. But I can't just turn off how I feel about this, CLU. [He pauses, thinking] Remember at the camp when I started to show you how to meditate? Breathing, pushing away thoughts, all of that. Think about how difficult it was not to let your thoughts and emotions cloud what you were trying to do. I may have more control over that but strong emotions like this overpower things, make it difficult to concentrate on anything else.

[He breathes, letting the emotions show on his face. Worry and fear for Sam. Regret. Pain. It's all there. He reaches out a hand towards his Program once again]

CLU I want to help you. I'm going to help you. But I want to do it right. Right now there's just so much that I can't just push it aside. I need time to center myself so I can give this the attention it deserves. [He pauses, his voice cracking slightly.] no... so I can give you the attention you deserve.

[there's the hand, again. the second time in microcycles that he's held it out... and CLU wants to take it, SO badly. but he still remembers - will always remember what happened on the bridge. and it will always, always hurt. that Flynn would rather destroy everything he - everything they created. he sets his jaw. he wants to believe this, he wants to take it all and cling to it and just ... hoard the attention Flynn's offering him. forever. so that when Sam comes back - IF he comes back at all, what a thrilling concept! - by that point he'll be more important. as he always wanted to be. as he should have been. as he feels he deserves to be, still, even after all of this.

but he can't believe it. not yet. he's still too hard, in some respects, too scarred. he forces the hope down, makes himself remember logic, and order, and sense, and patterns. when the User says "a little time" it means thousands of cycles. he knows this. it's fact.]

How long.

[He's not putting his hand down. Damnit, CLU, he's trying here. He knows CLU's hurting but he's hurting, too. He doesn't know what to say for a moment. How do you quantify grieving time? And what would CLU do if he reached his deadline and wasn't ready... But he has to try.]

A few weeks. Give me time to breathe, to grieve and to figure out what I want to do to help you.

[Alan finally speaks up. His voice is firm, like Tron's. A reminder. CLU is exhibiting changes already, but some things are deeper than this small time period can fix. Nonetheless, it's not an excuse.]

This isn't code you can just fix with a few keystrokes.

[when Alan-1 speaks up, CLU isn't sure what to think at first. his knee-jerk reaction is rage: how dare this other User try and butt in on Flynn's behalf?! but ... at the same time, it's true: he does also hear an echo of Tron in him, of the program that used to work side-by-side with him and Flynn ... an echo of the glory days, when all was as it was supposed to be, before he had to take matters into his own hands, shape the programs as well as the Grid so that it all would flow and follow the path he thought would lead to perfection. it's almost too much to handle, all at once: this sharp desperation, the confusion Flynn's request stirs up, the illogical nature of the castle at large, and now bits of memory floating up, like stray pixels painting a monitor. glitches, almost. he hates it, this ... uncertainty. he casts about, looking for something certain, something true...

and he rests on Alan's words, as he realizes how right he is. that he and Rinzler and maybe a select few are the only ones actually programmed. that something... has to change. he's not sure what that is, and that stirs up something like anger in him - something like it, but colder, more hollow, something he can't name yet, but others would call fear]

Time. ... Alright. [he frowns, and opens his eyes]

What until then?

[Flynn finally lets his hand drop since it's clear that CLU has no intention of accepting the gesture just yet. He suddenly just feels tired. so very tired. Emotionally, physically... He felt every bit of his 60 plus years. He just wanted to sit down and not have to do anything for a good long while.

But CLU still needed some direction. Alan had helped detract him from wanting immediate action but he still needed SOMETHING. He takes a moment to think]

Until then? Until then you keep learning. Keep asking questions and talking to people. All the information you've been getting can only help you.

[sorry, he's ... too cautious right now. as much as he wants to take his hand, he ... he can't, not yet. he frowns a little, then nods. it's not a full directive, but ... it's something. keep learning. he can't administrate if he doesn't know the system. it's logical, it makes sense.

that'll do, Flynn. that'll do.]

Alright.

[he glances around, then heads for the door. he's totally fine with leaving without another word, but something stops him. he doesn't even turn around, just ... calls out.]

Flynn...

[Flynn had started to turn, himself, fully expecting CLU to leave without further comment. When he hears his name he looks up, voice inquisitive]

Yeeaah?

[since there aren't any admin duties he can actually perform here, it all sort of falls back on the foundation of his directive: that he's Flynn's program. as much as a part of him hates that - a part of him he's really, really trying not to listen to, because it's the broken part, the obsolete part]

... F'you need me ...

[he can't finish, but at least he started]

[Emotions flip across Flynn's face like the pages of a book. The fact that CLU offered brings tears to his eyes and a smile to his face. He's saddened by how everything turned out, grieved that this couldn't happen at home, happy at how CLU's changed and so so very proud that he's done this on his own.

He nods, still smiling slightly.]

I know where to find you.

[He pauses]

CLU?

[dear God, it's like a mirror. sort of.]

Yeeeeeah?

[Flynn just smile]

Thank you.

[bzuh? well ... that was unexpected. he blinks for a moment, not sure how to handle that.

oh, wait. right:]

You're welcome.

[that's how. he feels like there should be more, but - he can't really figure out what, so he'll just hesitate in the doorway awkwardly for a moment before heading out. he's got a lot to do, after all]

[Alan's surprised and it shows on his face as he watches CLU leave.

CLU managed to control himself. He didn't get out of hand.

It's a good sign. Hopefully it continues.]

[Flynn looks at Alan as he moves to sit back down. See, man, he told you he changed.]

What do you think?

It's a start, I can't deny that one. But he still has a long way to go.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

021 Unread Page(s) In Your Inbox - Flagged as Important

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject