paradisa | So you want to be a Deathmatch Employee?

[Good afternoon Paradisians. Are you enjoying your quiet Sunday afternoon? Yes? Well too bad. Because the journal opens up and there is the sound of a boombox being turned on to turn on this this little unknown medley at extremely high volumes to get your attention. But don’t worry, after the opening part it will be turned down so the players of this can give the announcement they need]

In the beginning...there was fuck all! Then came a brave soul, who opened a wondrous place of drinking goodness and brawls. And somewhere along the lines, it was abandoned. Well, it’s back, baby! And as I’m presently waxing crimson all over it, that means it’s time to recruit some of you suckers!

[Wait. Looks back]

I don’t actually want to call them suckers, do I?

Proooobably not...think of something nicer.

Something nicer...[Snaps his fingers] Got it! [And properly addressing the book again] It’s time to recruit some of you silly goats!

[Reno sighs] ...How about just stick with “people”?

Cause don’t we have ponies and dragons and I’m pretty sure I seem to recall at least one demon and one angel.

[He’d like to think hell no to hiring dragons but he won’t say it out loud...] Whatever. Just get on with it.

Yes dear. [Cough] Okay, so here’s the scoop. The Deathmatch is on the way back up, but it’s missing the most important element. People to work it. So today, accompanied by this epic soundtrack, we need you to sign up to tend the bar, work the door as a bouncer, and tend to the grizzly bear champion we have for professional fighters.

Travis we don’t have a grizzly bear.

We don’t? Well do we at least have a regular bear? [a silence as Reno shakes his head] Well, okay. We ALSO need a bear to be our fighting ring champion for challengers to face. So if you know of any, bring them along. I can’t believe we don’t have a bear. [Grumble grumble]

Some other things. You got to be of age if you’re gonna tend the bar. I’m not having any kids serving up drinks. That’ll just look bad on Reno’s part.

Don’t look at me, my world doesn’t have a drinking age. But..yeah! Anyway! C’mon down and apply! We promise to pay in booze and caisos!

And we’ve got TONS of booze. Look, chances are, we’ll hire you. We’ve got shit for standards, and we want this place rolling back at the top of the ladder again. So either hit up myself, the awesome Travis Touchdown, or my lovely cohort Reno. Then, we’ll see what you got, get you set, and put you on the path to a healthy career in either serving up drinks, or knocking teeth down throats.

[Leans in to the journal and whispers hastily]

And seriously, bring a fucking bear.

[OOC: Red is Reno, Darkish orange color sorta...kinda is Travis. Come apply to the Deathmatch!]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

C'mon Travis, do we have to have a bear?

Hell yes we need a bear. Look, whatever the fuck happened, the DM has fallen way out of the loop. A bear will totally fix that.

Or tear up this place even more....

Which is why we get someone to keep it in check.

...Whatever. You're the boss~

Don't worry, I got this all figured out. This is a bonofide Travis master plan. Those never go wrong.

Except when they do all the time.

Okay, true, but I really planned this one out in the...three minutes before we went through with this.

Maybe I should give the new employees debriefings to handle you...

Honestly, that's not a bad idea. At all.

I'll put it on the to-do list...later.

[He glances at the to-do list sitting on the counter. The only thing he's bothered to write on it is "make a to-do list"]

Damn, why didn't I even think of making me one of those.

[He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck]

The DM still needs some touching up. But it's looking better. Eventually, I can start focusing on bringing swift vengeance to those responsible for it's defilement.

Because that's not your job.

...Vengeance? Didn't we already kill the raccoons?

Yeah but they sound so official and stuff.

Oh, the racoons were the beginning. But someone wrecked that place up beyond what those fucking coons did. Or someones.

That's why they aren't your job.

Right. Good luck with that, Travis.

[Why is he considering this? Other than the fact that even he realizes he can't spend all his time in his room, and that money would be a good thing to have? Well, despite the obnoxiousness of the advertisement, he can't help but enquirer. It's not as if it sounds like hard work...]

What would the hours be?

[Because that's clearly the most pertinent question.]

Ouch Reno. That cut me deep. That cut me real deep.

You should wish luck to our enemies, Reno. For they need it far more.

Hm. Hours have always been up in the air. Generally you work when you can work. Once we get a better idea of who we'll have, we can fit names to hours far better.

I didn't make the rules, Travis. One day you'll get it. [The rules of partner duos- one out there guy with all the insane notions, and one to keep them from blowing up. ]

'Course.

I look forward to that day. I dream of it, endlessly.

Course.

Maybe once you find someone crazier than you, Travis.

You know, one that isn't drooling and raising an army of cats.

Edited 2012-08-05 22:02 (UTC)

I may be able to help. But I don't tend bar.

[There's a certain level of dignity he would like to maintain, after all.]

A bar, heh? [But from what Zack knows of Reno, this is somehow not a surprise.] So who's your cleanup crew?

What are you looking for in a bouncer?

[And she's not bringing a bear, Travis... Sorry.]

You really think someone like that exists out there, Reno? And you aren't the least bit horrified that you actually think there may be someone actively more insane than I am?

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