Deadzone Filter [Closed] -- Vongola VIII -- Backdated to 9/5

[not_mafia]

[After the battle with the birds, Tsuna has been noticeably scarce. Besides taking care of essential needs-- food, for example-- he's had very limited contact, even with his friends. Anyone who might have seen him would have seen a look on Tsuna's face that was almost scary, with how terse and cold and distant he looked. Those who tried to approach him would be brushed off with a curt "Sorry. I'm busy." with a voice much tighter than anyone here had heard from Tsuna before.]

[It's because he's upset. Extremely upset. Upset and angry and frustrated-- and scared. Because for the first time ever, he had to leave a friend behind. He had to leave multiple people behind. He couldn't stand beside Zelos while he fought for more than a few minutes at best, and while he didn't doubt his skills, leaving him with a large flock of carnivorous birds still made his stomach churn. And most importantly, he couldn't stay to protect those who needed protecting. Couldn't go to the cave to see if there was anyone there who needed to be brought back to the boats.

All because he was too weak.

And so, for the past few days, he's been training in the cargo hold of the ship. He's been training relentlessly. He's trained until he was sweating bullets, trained until he was gasping for breath, trained until his arms were bloody from all the nicks he'd given himself. He'd trained until he'd collapsed out of exhaustion, and he continued to train even after that.

And he's still training, even now. He'd gone out of his way to make sure he was a good distance from the camp, well out of earshot, wanting to make sure he wouldn't bother anyone (and noone would bother him), and he took out his aggression on the trees, grunting and groaning and sometimes yelling. He danced around a tree, striking at it from all angles until it was marred with slashes, and tree sap bled from its wounds. He traded the weapon in his hands a few times while doing so, but he was becoming sweaty and exhausted, and he let out a startled noise when the dagger slipped while he was trading hands, creating a gash on the palm of his left hand.

Shaking from exertion, he looks at the wound, narrowing his eyes before balling his hand into a fist. Picking up the bloodied blade with his right hand, he yells and continues to attack the tree.]

Comments

[ino]

[Ino was wondering why she hadn't seen much of him lately! so after she takes care of a few things she'll wander away to go find him, and find him she does! she'll lean against a tree and watch him, until he accidentally hurts himself ...]

You're not doing yourself any favors by pushing yourself so hard.

[not_mafia]

[His head snaps up in Ino's direction, eyes a little wild. He doesn't say anything, just staring at her for a bit, still breathing heavy.

It's partially because he's so out of breath that he doesn't end up replying at all. He just lowers his head and looks away, looking both still upset and guilty while he pants for air.]

[ino]

[she'll stare right back -- even if it's a little startling how, well, crazed he looks, she doesn't show it on her face. she'll just wait until he looks away, before she comes over and gently moves to take his injured hand to bandage it]

[not_mafia]

[He's not sure what he's expecting when she comes over. A slap, maybe? If anyone who'd trained him back home found him like this, there's no doubt in his mind that would be their response. A founded one, too.

So he's a bit surprised by the gentle hand taking his, and he winces a little at the pain. He watches her hand wrap his, still refusing to make eye contact.]

Ino...

[It's soft, hollow, and a bit weak. Maybe a bit confused, maybe a bit lost-- there's a whole lot that he's feeling right now, and it's definitely overwhelming him a bit.]

[ino]

[she doesn't respond until after she finishes bandaging up his hand. she'll tie the bandage carefully, before putting a hand on his shoulder]

What's going on? You have to be more careful with your own body.

[not_mafia]

[He winces again, but it's not from pain this time. He might be done beating himself up physically, but he's still far from fine emotionally and mentally.

He balls his hands into fists again, one around the dagger, one into his wound. Both are sore and raw, but he doesn't care.

Quietly, still looking at the ground:]

I couldn't do anything.

[ino]

... ?

[she's just blinking curiously at him]

What do you mean? [she was kinda busy wrangling a dinosaur to look over and see what they were up to]

[not_mafia]

When those birds were attacking, I... I couldn't do anything.

[He takes a deep breath to try and still his nerves, but it's a mostly futile attempt.]

I was with Zelos and Martel during the fight. Martel and I were able to get one bird, and a second with Zelos, but because it was yelling, it brought more birds...

Zelos made us leave, because we were too weak.

[And it was the truth behind that statement that had made it hurt. But even more than that--]

I know he's strong. But... I still had to leave him alone on the battlefield.

[And that was the hardest part of all. Not being able to stay, because you'd end up being more of hindrance than if you left... Not being able to stay, in case something went terribly wrong, and he needed help... Not being able to, at the very least, go and help the others who were defenseless--

Tsuna sucks in a hard breath and trembles slightly, clenching his eyes shut.

All his life, he'd been Loser Tsuna. No-Good Tsuna.

And yet, in that moment, he'd never felt more worthless.]

[ino]

[the more she listens, the deeper her frown gets ... she knows the feeling, she knows it very well. but she also knows that he couldn't be more wrong. the fact that he wanted to stay, that he wanted to protect them -- that in itself makes him strong already]

Tsuna, acting like this isn't going to help all that. It's your first time in the Dead Zone, so naturally it's going to be hard to fight the way you normally do. [she pauses] It's tough when you can't protect the people you care about, but you have to take care of yourself, too.

[not_mafia]

[He lifts an arm, inspecting the wounds he'd inflicted onto himself, wondering if all of them were truly unintentional. Most of them were from previous days, starting to scab or at least not bleeding, but some trickled little lines of red down his arm.

When it came to the battle, he never forgot to take care of himself. To run, even when he didn't want to, to protect himself.

His brain said that was a smart move. His heart told him he was cowardly.]

I know.

[It doesn't sound convincing, even to his own ears. No matter how much his brain told him it was right-- no matter how much Ino told him it was right-- he'd deceived his heart.]

[ino]

[it doesn't sound all too convincing to her, either. mostly because she knows that just saying it once doesn't mean he'll believe it.

... but for now, she'll just sigh and pull an arm around his shoulders, to pull him into a hug]

Boys are such idiots.

[not_mafia]

[He's a bit startled when he's pulled into her, and for a moment, he just blinks dumbly as he listens to her.

And then he brings up his hands, clutching the back of her shirt, releasing a long sigh. He doesn't feel okay about this yet, and one hug's not going to change anything.

Still, the comfort doesn't go unappreciated.]

Thank you.

[Soft, and maybe still a bit hollow, but it's sincere none-the-less, and he ascertains that by tightening his grip a bit and leaning into Ino more.]

[ino]

[yes, she knows that not much will make him feel more assured until he knows he's become stronger -- or at least, she didn't feel that way, as so she assumes his attitude is much the same. so after a moment of silence, she'll offer a suggestion:]

If you'd like, I can teach you some skills I learned to keep up in the Dead Zone. I wasn't used to fighting without my chakra when I got here, but I've had time to learn.

[not_mafia]

[As time passes, Tsuna's hugging Ino less and more of just... slumping into her. He'd been so fueled by anger and sadness and disappointment and fear, he hadn't even realized just how exhausted he was. Couple that with the fact he hasn't been sleeping well the past few days either because of the mentioned emotions, and, well. To be honest, it's something of a miracle he hadn't passed out.

He still feels terrible. Still feels like he'd betrayed his friends. He feels like he betrayed and disappointed his tutor.

You rely too much on your powers. You don't realize it, but you've become arrogant, Tsuna.

He wish he'd understood those words before he'd decided to come out into the dead zone. He barely hears Ino's words, and his response is more automatic than anything.]

Y..yeah. Alright.

[ino]

[yeah, she's not entirely sure that he's listening, but she can tell by the way he's slumping that he's positively spent. maybe now isn't the best time for a shonen speech, after all ...

she'll sigh, and rub his back lightly in a comforting motion]

You're exhausted.

[not_mafia]

Yeah... I know.

[He's been exhausted ever since he'd been training nonstop; he'd just been stubbornly refusing to acknowledge it. Now that he is, though? He could easily fall asleep just standing here with Ino.]

[ino]

Alright, first things first, then. [she'll pull away, a little, and start to guide him back towards camp] You're going to get some good rest, okay? Doctor's orders.

[not_mafia]

Alright.

[He had no desire to continue training at the moment, anyway, and even if he had, his body was far too exhausted to fight even that little guiding push.

He manages to walk forward, back to the camp, though he still leans into Ino a bit.

It's while they're walking that he finally lifts his head a little to look at her. Maybe as an unspoken apology, for her having to deal with him; maybe he's seeking forgiveness. Either way, it can just barely pass as eye contact, but it's an attempt none-the-less.]

[ino]

[she'll just smile back reassuringly when he looks at her! and squeeze his shoulder. don't worry tsuna, she understands, she really does. but she also has several years on him of experience and maturity -- so she's hoping he'll trust that she knows what she's talking about]

[not_mafia]

[The smile she gives him earns a little smile in return.

He may not completely trust or believe those words yet, but having this kind of support when he was at his lowest was invaluable to him.

So he leans back against her, more relaxed now, as they make their way to the camp.]

[ino]

[good tsuna! she'll just wordlessly lead him to his tent, then, and make sure he gets his skinny butt into bed]

Sleep well, Tsuna.

1/2

[not_mafia]

[No complaints here. He's just going to to slip right on into his sleeping bag.]

Mm. You too.

[He falls asleep almost immediately.]

2/2 Next Morning

[not_mafia]

[The next morning, he's well-rested, his exhaustion and his less troubled mind allowing him to sleep deeply through the night. When he gets up, he winces, groaning a bit.

Jeez, his body hates him right now. He's probably going to have to hitch a ride on one of the wagons for the day, unless he wants to walk until his legs are stumps.]

[ino]

[yes, it's probably a good idea to take it easy, tsuna. but they haven't taken off just yet -- breakfast comes first! ino will be poking her head into his tent]

You hungry?

[not_mafia]

[He perks up at the sound of Ino's voice, definitely looking quite a bit better than he did yesterday. He manages to offer her a little smile.]

Hey, Ino. Yeah, I am!

[He moves to get up and--]

Ack-- itsu-tsu-tsu-tsu...

[Yep, his life is pain right now.]