paradisa | 002 :: Written

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ukitake juushirou

002 :: Written

Hello? I have been reading some of this book, and I think I understand a bit more of how it works.

Since it appears I may be staying a while, I would like to introduce myself. I am Ukitake Juushirou, and I am pleased to meet you all. I hope to have the good fortune to meet some of you in person as well.

[He stops here a moment, as if to consider what else he should write.]

I have noticed a lot of children and youth here. Is anyone responsible for their well-being?

Things in this journal always seem so lively, so hopefully some of you will be getting back to me shortly.

[short pause]

...or else I have just written something very silly!

Father Abel,

Please forgive me for not getting back to you sooner. As you can imagine, I've been spending some time adjusting, and looking for a way back to my own world.

You had mentioned that there was more to tell me about this place, and I think it would be good if I listened. Perhaps we should meet again soon.

-Ukitake Juushirou.

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I don't mean to be blunt, but... they won't, Ukitake. [sob. he shifts a bit...] I've been here going on three years myself. The oldest residents are going on their sixth anniversaries, and some of them possess abilities the both of us would go wide-eyed at. We've been searching for ways to get back for a long time, but... it's very difficult when the thing we're working against is so omnipotent.

...Mm, regarding the children -- your best bet is to talk to the Fifth Doctor. There's a filter we use... Code Blair? In times of emergency. You can filter to 'Code Blair' and ask for details if you're interested.

...Yes that was it.

[He says those words flatly, then goes quiet, due to the other information. His division flower - the snowdrop - represented hope. He must never forget that, even in difficult times such as these.]

Three years... six years... it seems long, but when you've lived as long as I have, it's all just a drop in the bucket.

[He clings to that hope, desperately, like always.]

...Perhaps I was just due for a vacation.

[...quiet, for a moment... before his voice is a little softer.]

Did you know... that this place is a gift, Ukitake?

[he cups the tea in his lap, offering the other man a small smile of encouragment.]

I know it might not seem like it now, but... Paradisa is a gift in many ways. As terrible as it can sometimes be, I think... it's merely like a coin. The price we pay for the wonderful things it can give us if offset by the occasional horrible trial we have to endure... but in the end, neither one of them will ever obscure the other. In a way, it might make us appreciate what we have a little more than we would, otherwise.

[he sets the teacup down, and rises to his feet -- approaching him, and holding out the ornate rosary draped over his stomach.]

...This castle can make us forget. It can hurt us, deeply. It can push us to the edge, but the human heart -- regardless of our species -- says we can endure, doesn't it? We won't break. And in repayment for our strength... it gives us second chances.

[...hm.]

I told you once, that time works differently here. That works in more ways than one. Comrades... loved ones who you've lost, or thought you'd never see again... people who time has separated from us... they can come here, Ukitake. Alive and well again... with us. We can see them every day, tell them all the things we would never say at home. We can learn things beyond our comprehension... we can touch people in ways we didn't realize were possible.

This castle is a gift. We're all going to go home, one day... but don't forget to treasure what you have while you have it.

[Those words... sounded convenient. He almost wanted to believe it.]

[But after all his years, he'd heard all sorts of convenient words, to cover for all sorts of wrongdoing. It was no wonder though, after three years, that Abel would begin to believe such a thing. People had to find a way to cope, after all. It wasn't his fault.]

[He begins speaking quietly, evenly, to keep himself calm... but his voice steadily rises.]

It is not a gift... to be ripped away from your friends and family. It is not a gift to have your soul torn apart and part of it taken away from you without your consent...

It is not a GIFT to have children torn from their families and put into situations where they can be in grave danger!

IT IS NOT A GI--

[...perhaps he should have been more careful. His breath caught in his chest, and he lapsed into another coughing fit. He turns away from Abel.]

[to say he looked stunned would be an understatement... Jyuu hadn't raised his voice at him... in the years they'd been friends, that he could recall. even when he might've deserved it.

not a gift? --is he... serious? why is he so... upset? it was true that Paradisa could be terrible, but -- to be honest, it was much gentler than daily 'life' was for most people in their homeworlds elsewhere, and--

he gives a start when he starts coughing.]

--Calm... down. Please calm down. You're... angry, but--

[...Abel is rather lost. he doesn't understand. did he fail to grasp what he was trying to convey? maybe he'd worded it improperly, or-- ...]

[In his frustration, he had half a mind to ask Abel who he was to be telling him to calm down, as if he hadn't had this disease all his life - but he kept coughing just long enough to put his composure back together. He took a few clear breaths before speaking again.]

...I can't...blame you for feeling that way,...but you're wrong.

[He takes a seat on the bed, feeling a bit lightheaded. He takes another moment to sit up straight, though he's still clutching his chest.]

I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm sorry.

I'm... not wrong.

[...h-haha... he feels a little winded himself. to hear -him- of all people say something like this... is throwing him; it's a bit like being told the sun isn't hot.]

...You might not understand it, yet. Maybe... you won't for some time. But I know you'll see it as I do one day.

[he has no doubt about that... it was Jyuu who so often preached as much to him, when things were at their worst.

...he isn't wrong. he... isn't wrong. it's not wrong...]

I'm not complacent or... apathetic. Time hasn't 'softened' me to the reality of the situation... and believe me. I fully understand the toll this place takes on people who doesn't deserve to suffer any. [Nanako isn't even ten years old... she's like a daughter to him; he's seen her go through more than her fair share of terrible ordeals because of Paradisa.]

Maybe you disagree with me... but I am not wrong, Ukitake. [maybe he thinks Abel is just a blind idiot... it hurts, but it's... possible, isn't it? after all... they're nothing more than strangers, now.]

...Maybe I don't understand, but I haven't been here long enough to understand everything, Father Abel.

[His head is swimming, from lack of air, and from the residual anger - and adding to that, now he felt a bit guilty for apparently causing the other man some pain. He's quiet for a long time.]

I have a lot to think about. For the moment, we will have to agree to disagree. I did not mean to cause you any unrest... I... spoke out of frustration. The loss of my zanpakutou has...

[He trails off.]

[he scrubs a hand over his face. he can't expect this to be the man who had grown alongside him to someone he would call 'family;' that would be foolish. is he holding him up to the same expectations of Jyuu?

'Ukitake' and the man he jokingly teased as 'mama Jyuu' for his paternal affections might as well be two entirely different people. maybe he should accept that the sequence of events and time that had pushed them together could not be replicated... and that it wasn't possible. the same as with Claire.]

...You should get some rest. I'm sure you have a lot on your mind.

[He couldn't help but feel as if something inside them both - Abel, and himself - had broken today. And he felt responsible. This place... causing these circumstances of hurt and turning people against each other... a gift, indeed.]

[He stands, giving Abel and unsure light clap on the shoulder, as if to apologize once more.]

Rest is probably a good idea... for both of us.

[He keeps his mouth open a moment, but hesitates to say more.]

...I wasn't angry with you, just the circumstances. Again, I'm sorry.

Ah-- [he rubs the back of his head, a little sheepish. to be honest, he was much more assured in how to go forward once he'd gotten over this stepping stone and made this little internal epiphany.] ...don't be silly! You have every right to react that way. Paradisa is a very hard pill to swallow... especially for people who have worlds and duties to return to.

[he knows how much that word - duty - means to him.

Abel gently displaces his hand, a little wistful; he's starting to retreat for the door.]

Either way... that world is waiting for you one day. I hope you see it again soon.

That was still no reason for me to take it out on you.

[He nods, with kinder - albeit tired - eyes.]

When nothing else is left, hope is all we have. We must remember that.

[He walks Abel to the door.]

Thank you... for everything. I do appreciate all the information.

[halting at the door, he gives the other man a small smile over his shoulder.]

I'll be here if you need anything more. --And... thank you, for the tea.

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002 :: Written

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too soon, abel, too soon :/

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