paradisa | 28 Blueprints -- Dictated

[This page is pretty quiet for awhile. There’s the background sound of a TV playing a movie, or what sounds like the ending credits at least. There’s the decisive sound of footsteps in the background, and a little closer to the journal, a light shifting of cloth against skin and the leather of the couch. And then there’s Ted’s voice.]

Hey, where are you going?

[there’s the squeak of rubber against the floor - which would be someone skidding to a dead halt. and that someone would be Barney Stinson.]

To the bathroom, Ted. Oh. My. GOD. [he paused for a second. anyone listening in might’ve even heard the brief intake of breath on Ted’s part - but Barney wouldn’t even let him get there.] It’s been. A. Week. Every day, I have hung around with you. Yeah, okay, the Star Wars marathon was cool until you decided to tack on the prequels for more couch time. And yeah, I’m not gonna fault you for the Elizabeth Hurley marathon - because hello ladies. But - correct me if I’m wrong, Ted. We went through every single Mario game ever this week, and I played Paper Mario with you, okay. Paper. Mario. A man has got to draw the line somewhere, Ted.

So yes, I am going to the bathroom. And when I come back out, I am going to get another beer so I can refill my bladder, and then you are going to tell me what the heck your deal is, Mosby.

Hey, Paper Mario was cool, okay? Just because it wasn’t as good... as decent... as... anyway, what do you mean, what the heck my deal is? In case you’ve forgotten, Barney, we’re best bros. And best bros do stuff with their best bros. [He makes a ‘DUH’ face at the other man.]

Bathroom, Ted. [and that’s all he gets before Barney shuts the door behind him and leaves him the better part of a minute to sort through his thoughts]

God. [Ted makes a face at the door, then looks down at the journal. Huh, it recorded all this? He’s not surprised, and takes full advantage of it.] You guys heard that, right? Seriously, is he PMSing or something?

No, he’s not, [Barney called out, over the sound of the toilet flushing. the water in the sink runs, faintly, and then he’s back out swinging - figuratively] Yes. Yes, bros do stuff with their best bros. But it doesn’t mean they practically move in together! Name one thing you’ve done all week that wasn’t with me. Besides sleeping, taking showers, and going to the bathroom. One. Thing.

Uh, I totally made breakfast for the both of us by myself. [LEGIT. But then he throws his arms up in a wide gesture, somewhat inhibited by the back of the couch.] So what, what’s the big deal?

You’re not a bro, anymore, Ted. You’re saran wrap on Thanksgiving leftovers, I can’t get you OFF ME lately. This is not the sort of behavior one foists on one’s bro. This is the sort of thing I’d expect from a -- [and a lightbulb pops out of thin air and falls on his head. he bends down and picks it up] 150 watt. Nice.

Yeah.

… Ahem. Ted? I have come to the root of your saran wrap problem. And as your bro, wingman, and resident life teacher slash guru, it is my solemn duty to inform you of it.

Oh yeah? What is it? Enlighten me.

You need. A chick. More than that? Dare I even say it, you need … a girlfriend.

What! I totally have a girlfriend, thanks!

A girlfriend, right. [the sarcasm’s dripping from Barney so thick that it’s amazing he doesn’t need a bib or something] Who? And how many times have you gone out with her?

Dude, I told you who it was, and for the last time, it was not a one night stand.

((Blue is Ted, Purple is Barney! Have at 'em, guys.

P.S. you should make fun of Barney for refilling his bladder.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She's not really up for arguing either but the discussion could become more heated.]

Barney liked me and I think he wanted to be more than just friends at one point. He brought out to dinner, got me a lovely present but I don't feel that way about him. I believed his intentions were as a friend and nothing else.

Instead of blaming each other, you should be blaming me. I don't like seeing you both fighting.

[Oh, shit, did the same thing happen with Barney? Ted feels worse for the guy than he does for himself, honestly.

But, uh, at one point? When he'd seen him writing on the journal, he'd clearly seemed frustrated.

Very frustrated.]

Oh, man, that's a shame... You broke it to him too, huh?

I still need to talk to him when he is ready to talk to me.

[Vivian falls silent for a few moments, glancing at her hands. Then she looks up at him.]

Ted, if you don't want to talk to me ever again, I'll understand.

Yeah yeah yeah, we'll get to that. [His feelings are not important right now.

Instead, he leans forward, his gaze suddenly harder.]

But you did tell him you didn't like him. Right?

No, I didn't tell him. I was working up the courage to actually do it.

[She feels beyond awful and hates herself for it.]

But I do like Barney and that won't change. Even if it's just as a friend.

I've screwed everything up and I caused a rift between you both. That's unforgivable.

Vivian!

Vivian, look. If you know this only hurts people, why do you do it? And to Barney?

[He gives a sigh, then looks at Vivian levelly.]

Look-- you haven't caused any rift between us. We had a spat, but we'll be fine. But that's not what I'm concerned about.

[He leans forward.]

Vivian, you cannot lead Barney around. He's -- [Mmf, should he say this? It's not really his information to share, but Vivian had confided in Ted. And now that he knew Barney was actually getting to like her, it was really vital for her to know. His voice quiets noticeably.]

He's always had trouble with this sort of thing. Being in a relationship or even wanting to be in a relationship. And Paradisa hasn't helped that. That's why you can't string him along. [Because if that happens anymore, Ted is convinced Barney will give in and keep his feelings in for the rest of time.]

[He leans back, before suddenly throwing his hands up.] And why don't you like him, anyway? He's such a great guy! Probably the best-looking normal guy in all the castle, too.

I haven't always been the best at socialising with people or being in tune with whether I'm hurting them or not. I've closed myself off for most of my life and I know that sounds like a poor excuse, but it's the truth.

Coming here threw me for a loop and I suppose I was looking for a friend, a good one. I didn't expect that he would like me in that way.

[Vivian stops talking after that, looking anxious and unsure. She continues to listen to Ted before speaking up again.]

In all the time that I've known Barney, I never knew about his relationships in the past or how he felt about one in the first place. He never told me and I guess I can't blame him for keeping it quiet. In my mind, I believed that we were enjoying each other's company as friends. I should have been upfront.

[She chews on her lip, the anxious look still on her face and Vivian drops her gaze, fiddling with her hands at the same time. Then she raises her eyes to meet Ted's gaze.]

I do like him, I just don't feel the same. He's a fantastic person and definitely deserves someone. Just not me.

I know we're talking about Barney but you're a wonderful person too and you deserve some happiness. But not from me either.

Why wouldn't you expect that? You're a beautiful woman with a great personality! There's no reason for him not to like you!

[WAIT....... Ted, you're chastising her, stop complimenting her. He gives a hard sigh, leaning back for a moment and looking at Vivian before settling forward again.]

Look, you know what? I don't care about us. So you strung me along and punched me in the heart. Fine, whatever.

But you need to tell Barney what's going on. And you'd better apologize for it, too.

But I do care about what I did to you. It obviously hurt and I'm sorry. Wasn't my intention to string you along and led you to believe that I liked you in that way.

[She heaves out a sigh and swallows thickly, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her.]

You think I'm not going to apologise or explain? I'm not perfect but I know I owe Barney that. [Vivian sighs again.] I'll talk to him. You have my word.

Alright.

[He lets a silence draw out between them. A tense, uncomfortable sort of silence.]

I guess we're done here, then.

I guess we are.

[After that, she gets up from her chair carefully, reaching for her crutches. Vivian stabilises herself before beginning to walk away from the table, giving him one last look, her expression sad.]

Goodbye, Ted. [Whether or not that was a final goodbye was up to him. She still wants to make it right.]

[Ted doesn't look at her, and instead, just sighs.]

Yeah. Bye.

28 Blueprints -- Dictated

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