5th sweater: a ninja panda

[bezazzled]

[Lady Filter, no boys allowed!]

Let's talk break-ups.

Suppose you're dating someone with super powers or magic or something. How do you break up with them as gently as possible so they don't totally freak out and destroy everything around them? Break ups are really delicate things, you know? Magic and stuff just makes it super hard.

I don't know why I'm doubting myself. I mean, I did it before so I should do it again, right? I know what he's capable of, and that's not something I want to happen again. But he technically hasn't even done it yet from his point in the timeline. Maybe he's from an alternate timeline where he's totally rational about things!

No, no matter what he still deserves the honest truth. Maybe I could bring back up. Do we have any kind of super man or lady out there that can just sit in the back of the restaurant as extra insurance?

Thanks, ladies. I feel like we really figured this out together.

Comments

PLACEHOLDER .......

[ino]

So what you're saying is, you think this guy will try to hurt you if you break up with him?

[bezazzled]

Oh no. I don't think he'd hurt me. Well, intentionally I guess. I mean he was a jerk to my brother.

I'm worried he'll freak out and hurt other people.

[heloise]

[ Declare the man impotent or kill him. ]

How about a letter?

[bezazzled]

[WOW LUCY NO. She's a lover, not a fighter!]

That seems like cheating. I already tried to have my brother do it once before, and I think it'd only make him even more upset, which is kind of the opposite of what I want to happen.

[heloise]

[ No no no you make the dudes do the dirty work. ]

Could your brother not speak on your behalf, then?

[bezazzled]

[She'll file the suggestion away and maybe review it later.]

Here's the thing. One, he's not here. And two, the last time I asked Dipper to break up with Gideon for me, it ended in a really ugly fight and I had to save them both from falling off a cliff. I kinda want to avoid directly involving anyone else.

[heloise]

[ Then her brother needs something sharp! But this girl sounds so young. ]

Was it your family who arranged this affair?

[bezazzled]

What? Nooooo no no no. In fact, my family hates the guy! I mean, I don't outright hate him or anything. He's a nice guy when he's not trying to be all clingy and stuff.

He's just a kid that has a crush on me. A really big, suffocating crush.

[heloise]

An overeager suitor, little one?

[bezazzled]

[Pardon her shouting]

YES! YES IT'S THAT EXACTLY!

[heloise]

Is he one to be feared when angry?

[bezazzled]

Yeah, pretty much. For as sweet and charming as he is to everyone around him, he's got a crazy bad temper. I caught him using his powers to attack my brother. I just worry that if I break up with him again, he's gonna totally lose it and take it out on someone in the castle, you know?

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia is quiet for a moment. ]

What is your name?

[bezazzled]

Mabel Pines. What's yours?

Mabel Pines!!!

[heloise]

Lucrezia Borgia.

Lucrezia Borgia!!!

[bezazzled]

Oh my gosh. That is such a pretty name!

YEAH FOREVER

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia laughs. ]

I should think this man finds your name most beautiful as well.

WOO

[bezazzled]

Yeah, he said something like that once. It kind of makes it hard to turn him down.

[heloise]

So you do not have to.

[bezazzled]

I think you lost me.

[heloise]

He would be angry and fearsome if you reject his advances, but he would never harm you. You are dear to him.

[ She pauses. ] This break up would be to no one's benefit.

[bezazzled]

Wait. Isn't it kind of mean to just lead him on, though? I mean, what if I meet someone else that I really like?

[losttrack]

Boys suck, and this one sounds like a creep.

I can be your back-up.

[bezazzled]

Whoa, really? Are you a super hero or something?

[heloise]

The joy is greater for the one loving rather than loved.