10 Lanterns; Dictated

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

Dearest March Hare and most tedious Dormouse, and anyone else who was going to come to the tea party at my home, I have found myself in the Queen's courtyard. I'm perfectly fine, but I'm afraid I'll have to postpone tea while I try to figure out this maddening maze. I'm very sorry about that!

I wonder if Time has gotten Space on his side to make life difficult for me... That would explain this, because I'm sure I wasn't here when I fell asleep last night. No, I was definitely home. Not here. They both start with the letter H, but beyond that, neither one is anything like the other.

You see, this doesn't even make a good riddle!

But I guess there's a silver lining here! I mean, if anyone wasn't planning on attending the tea party, now they have more time to think about why they should change their mind! I'd love for many people to come.

Comments

[whichwayyoulean]

[W.H.A.T. The Once-ler stares at his journal, dumbfounded for a moment, before carefully speaking, in the tones of one worried the wrong words might start some sort of psychotic breakdown]

You...feeling okay today, Punzie?

[is_mafia]

My dearest Mad Hatter, I seem to have found myself in the Queen's maze also. It seems like Time and Space have decided to be maddeningly unhelpful today. I suppose I shall have to be late for tea also. [And then a sudden laugh.] But then again, I am always late for tea, so I don't see what the matter is if I am late once again.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

While I'm feeling as well as I can with this change of plans, I'm not sure how helpful that information will be to you, because I am not a Punzie.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

My, my, how very interesting! Perhaps it's something in the air. [She chuckles, as well.] You are always late, but I believe it's only because Time hates me so, and you associate with me. At any rate, I shall try to keep the Dormouse awake until you arrive, at least, when I finally get home.

[is_mafia]

[A rude snort at that.] Please, as if you could do anything to keep that little mouse awake, even during your stories. Even I do not fall asleep during your stories. [No, he just interrupts every fifth sentence.]

And I am always late entirely on purpose.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

[A delighted little gasp as the Hare gets rude. She loves squabbling with him best of all.]

I could too keep him awake! I could always pour hot tea on his nose! And you are an awful listener and you know it.

Ah! I disagree! You are not late on purpose; you are too stubborn to admit it's our of your control!

[is_mafia]

[Of course she does, that's half of the reason why he does it.]

And then we shall never hear the end of it! And I am not an awful listener, I am perfect listener and you forget things. So that is why I must embellish. [He makes an elaborate hand gesture, even though she cannot see it and it is wasted.]

Time likes me perfectly well! I am late because it is fashionable.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

We shall so hear the end of it, when he falls asleep! And ah-ah, no, I never forget! I just take out what's not important! And then you bring up all the uninteresting facts and the story becomes all garbled.

Nothing fashionable about being late. You can't wear being late. Hats! Hats are fashionable.

[is_mafia]

But you said you were going to keep him awake! So which is it going to be? Awake and asleep are quite polar opposites, you know. And no, I would never say something that is quite uninteresting! You take out all the interesting bits and bore people to tears!

Hats are not fashionable! They are just bits of fabric and fluff that you set on your head. If you are fashionable late, everybody shall notice you when you walk in.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

Did I? Oh, dear... Well, no! I said I'd keep him awake until you arrived! And then he will fall asleep as you bore him to tears, because that is something you do, not me, but you!

Bits of fabric and fluff?! No, no, no! You are speaking utter lies, my dearest March Hare! Utter lies!

[whichwayyoulean]

Ohhhkkaaaaay. So. Is this some sort of new identity crisis thing? Is this what all the cool kids are doing suddenly?

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

Oh, I assure you, strange new voice, I am quite sure of who I am. Don't you worry about me-- My! What is with people worrying about others today? Are you feeling okay, voice of unfamiliarity?

[is_mafia]

I do no such thing! I am the only thing that keeps him remotely awake, because you leave out all the interesting bits!

Lies, you say? I do not speak lies, my darling Mad Hatter. Everyone knows that it is the clothes that make the rabbit! Well, in your case, makes the woman.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

I do not! Such slander! How could you ever say these things?! [Which, of course, means please keep 'em coming.] I am quite aware of what bits are interesting and would never leave them out!

Hats are clothes! Hats are clothes! Don't you be ridiculous!

[is_mafia]

You would not know the interesting bit of a story if you actually said it yourself. I believe that all that tea has finally gone to your silly head.

Hats are hats! They are not clothes at all. Clothes you wear on your body. Hats you wear on your head.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

It has not! To imply that tea does anything but create goodness is almost unforgivable! I think the problem, dearest, is that those ears of yours keep growing - I've been telling you they have! - and your brains are spreading about to fill them, which makes them much less concentrated and... Thinky!

Heads are part of the body!

[is_mafia]

My ears have not grown a single inch. Your eyesight is playing tricks on you again! And brains do not spread out to fill your ears, or else I would have been quite useless years ago. That shows how much you know about anything.

Heads are heads! And hats go on your head!

[whichwayyoulean]

Oh, I'm absolutely fine, for once I'm actually the sane one. Which, FYI? Frightening realisation.

You really don;t remember who I am?

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

They have! I bet when I see you for tea, they will be nearly two fingers taller than they were last I saw you! And how do you know? Maybe they do and that's why you're already so useless, my dear!

Ahhhh! If heads are just heads, then why does it matter if the Queen should chop someone's off? It's because they are part of the body!

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

Of course you're the sane one. I am the Mad Hatter, after all.

Why, no! Have we met?

[is_mafia]

And when have I ever been useless? In fact, I am more useful that the Dormouse, who just falls asleep all the time during tea!

Heads are more important than bodies, that is why. And if we wish to keep ours, dearest Mad Hatter, then we should stop arguing and start walking before the Queen finds us.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

You are more useful than the Dormouse, but that's not much of a claim. It's not surprising that bread is sweeter than mustard, after all!

That is--! Actually an excellent point. Walking we shall do, yes.

[is_mafia]

Bread is not sweet at all, which shows how much you know.

Perhaps we shall meet at the entrance once we make it out of this damnable maze.

[ftssusstgsetfwe]

It is sweeter than mustard and you cannot convince me otherwise!

Ah, I will be looking forward to it.

[delincuente]

[Well that made fuck all sense. Just like the rest of this place.]

... You been sniffing something, Rapunzel?