paradisa | Case 17

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james watson

Case 17

[Helen Magnus]

[It's been a few days and well, he knows he should poke her about how she's doing, only makes sense. So with some hesitation he filters to her.]

I haven't heard from you, how are you doing?

[After that he turns to the journal and sighs for a moment before saying anything else.]

Mirrors this month, I suppose I should be thankful it didn't get us all drunk for a night. [No he doesn't want to relive that.] Makes me worry what will happen next month, though if it manages to top being locked away in a room with a stranger for the holiday I suppose I should be thankful not too much is repeated here.

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[Have a snort, James]

I've been on a loss this whole moth so I don't know how it could beat that.

[He knows that feeling Nora, so he sounds amused.]

At least you can talk during yours. I was a sloth bear for a month not too long ago.

Yeah, true. I'm still only about 4 inches tall, though. [She sighs]

That must be quite the experience then, can't say that's anything I've ever had the pleasure of.

I'm a fucking fairy. Complete with wings and sparkly red light whenever I fly. [she grumbles] I hope you don't get the pleasure

[He's trying really hard not to laugh.] If it makes you feel better I spent a month as an insect eating bear.

Seriously? [She cracks up.] That's horrible.

[She didn't want to talk, she had actually been holing up for days intentionally though she wouldn't admit it. She was ashamed. Ashamed of her behavior and what it could have cost had things not turned so abruptly and the truth revealed itself.

She stared at the journal with an external show of her self loathing, she stared a good long while before she spoke.]

I'm fine. I've been very busy.

[She's just lucky he was willing to give her space, that he hadn't jumped at the chance to rush to see her. He was at least that understanding of things.]

I imagine you have. [He sounds hesitant, worried. This is what he wanted after all, her back, but he doesn't want to admit the why.] If you need help, an ear even to vent to over it, I'm here. [He'll play this game until he feels the need to point out he knows what she's doing.]

[She's lucky for a number of reasons, that only makes her feel more guilty. She could have and wanted to, order the deaths of innocent people. She had been half crazed, the other half questionably psychotic. Helen had not been herself and that was possibly her greatest fear. In all her years she had made it a strict policy to always be in control.]

[She grunted a reply to that]I'm quite self sufficient thank you.

[Oh that. Of course she would be guilty about that, and yes he had taken that into consideration but this, well, this would be difficult. Control being something of a problem with Helen, and something he knew well.

And yet he doesn't have to like her brushing him off.] Of course you are, brooding up in your room somewhere away from an old friend who could give you help. Self sufficiency at it's finest I dare say.

I am not-

[And she realized she started speaking in exactly the tone of brooding and avoidance she was going to try to deny.]

James I could have hurt people. People could have died because of me.

[And he knows that exact tone of voice because he was like that not too long ago when she was gone. So he just sighs and rubs his head before talking.]

Yes you could have, but you didn't. The castle does things, Helen, not the least of which is alter us like that. But you were able to start remembering before things got bloody, you're safe and so are they.

Edited 2013-01-25 01:04 (UTC)

But it was me James! Not someone else, not someone who has never seen the the veil of reality lifted. I know better, after all I have done ans seen I should have been stronger.

[Her fist slammed to the desk stop and she sank into a seat there, her head falling to her hands.]

I should not have let this happen.

Edited 2013-01-25 01:24 (UTC)

[He heard that slam and sighed again, resting his forehead against his hand as he talked. Somehow he's surprised it took her this long to have this issue with this place, and how he wishes he was there with her and not talking with her over the journal.]

Yes it was you, Helen. But you can't change what this place is, you can't control it. Stronger than you have tried and failed to do so. There was nothing you could do to stop it, nothing any of us could do to stop it. What you can do, is focus on the present. Try and make amends for those here that experienced it with you, talk with others. You're not the only one here who has experienced that.

[Just the others hadn't nearly killed people but details.]

[In that moment she wanted to ask him to come to her, to run to her and be there at her side. She needed the comfort of him telling her that it was beyond her control and she was indeed blameless for the acts of her delusional self. But she knew if she did she wouldn't let him leave, she wouldn't be able to.

Helen couldn't stomach being needy and clingy, it went against her upbringing.]

But what if it happens again? How do I know this is really over?

[He would gladly come to her if asked, he has missed her and he hadn't known how much until just then. But he won't say that, she's busy needing her head straightened and he's rather good at that sort of thing. So he'll respect her need for space.]

In the nearly eighteen months I have been here, I have yet to see those returned to us with memories of their time spent here relapse into their selves that they were there. If it happens, I find it more likely that it will if you were to ever leave again. [He'd rather not go through that again either, please note.]

[And that is precisely why she cannot ask him. It was a feeling she'd never endured before, her will split between two attractions. But she needed to be herself first, she needed to be whole and healthy. She couldn't even consider anything with him until she knew for sure.]

Then I have a lot to make up for. [And what went unsaid, what she meant by that was far more than those simple words could convey.]

[And that was why he hadn't gone to her and had instead just filtered to her. It's easier, and he knows how that goes.]

Start first with coming to terms with it all, you're no good to anyone if you still blame yourself. It doesn't do anyone any good if that's all you wish to do.

[They had an understanding, it helped.]

I don't want to do it, I simply can't help it. I feel like I was the very sort of abnormal...misunderstood monsters that I've spent my life trying to understand and protect others from.

I very nearly could have ordered your death.

[It did indeed.]

And no one can judge you for it. Those that do need to remember where they are.

[And then he sounds so casual here.]

Better me than someone else. [He would forgive her, someone else may not.] Besides if arguing with you had lead to that, well, I could have gone with my other plan. Rather think that would have earned me a slap however.

I pray you're right, James.

[She stared sharply at the journal with his comment.]

It would have killed me later had I done that! James I couldn't live with myself if I had hurt you. Unless the plan you devised would have directly called for it.

[She'll figure out some day he just doesn't care if he dies, he's rather resigned to it anyway at some point.]

But it would have been enough of a shock to snap you out of it I should hope, considering I'm dead in your time. [And then a sigh.] Well, I should rather hope kissing you wouldn't have gotten such a reaction, but with the way you were that may have been a bit of a rash idea on my part to consider it a back up plan.

[Yup, that's his brilliant idea.]

[Well that certainly would have had some effect on her. Even in her changes state she had recognized him to a degree at least as a person of worth to her. A kiss, well she felt her own fingertips move across the curve of her lips as if recall a ghost of a former contact.]

I think it's fair to say you would have elicited a reaction.

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Filter to Surly victorian detective

Busy body Victorian Lady

Crotchety chap

Cranky old woman

Blighting bloody british bastard...she <3's him really

Brooding old woman alksjdf he <3's her too I swear

They will grow ancient and stubborn together.

Helen Magnus; and yes yes they will

James Watson

Helen Magnus

James Holmes

Helen Magnus

Janes Watson, I should never use saved headers

Helen Magnus; we can just do filtered forever, saves us both the trouble

filtered forever

and ever!

amen

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