paradisa | xxxvi λ winter

-------- Private -------

January 28th.

In some ways, I feel as though I am a ship adrift at sea, or at least a boat lost in a maze of canals. I do not know how to navigate a relationship with a woman from the future. The customs that are difficult enough in friendship prove even more complicated now. I know how a man might dictate a relationship in my time, but Lana is entirely different. If I commanded her, she would likely just be angry with me, so I am letting her make all of the decisions… it is strange, to say the least, but there is little I can do, even if I feel I am being emasculated.

Put like that, it all sounds very dramatic, but it feels as though that is the only way I can express it. It is one thing to be friends with women from the future, that I enjoy very much, but it is somehow different to call one your "girlfriend." I am just not used to being at one woman's beck and call.

I want to be prepared for this, yet I still feel lost… but I am still determined to prove to Molotov and the rest of them that I can be with a single woman and respect her wishes.

(It would be easier, though, if I were not always consumed with... frustrations. She will not even allow me to taste her.)

And what else plagues my mind? The Borgia, of course, as always… I fear Lucrezia will sabotage my relationships, and am concerned about that Cesare has been planning. I dare not place too many thoughts to the page, lest I bring bad luck upon myself.

Then there is Tim, who is Stephanie's "ex-boyfriend" –– I have yet to meet him, but I look forward to it. A bit of sporting fun would do me good.

x

----- Cesare Borgia -----

[written]

Salute.

I'd like to invite you to dinner. Just men –– no fair ladies this time.

E. Auditore.

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Is it time for the snow to vanish into the ground yet? I hate snow. It is miserable to have to bundle oneself up like a Rossian just to go outdoors, and even more miserable to be indoors and wet in such heavy clothing.

Fuck winter, that is what I say.