xxxvi λ winter

[assassino]

-------- Private -------

January 28th.

In some ways, I feel as though I am a ship adrift at sea, or at least a boat lost in a maze of canals. I do not know how to navigate a relationship with a woman from the future. The customs that are difficult enough in friendship prove even more complicated now. I know how a man might dictate a relationship in my time, but Lana is entirely different. If I commanded her, she would likely just be angry with me, so I am letting her make all of the decisions… it is strange, to say the least, but there is little I can do, even if I feel I am being emasculated.

Put like that, it all sounds very dramatic, but it feels as though that is the only way I can express it. It is one thing to be friends with women from the future, that I enjoy very much, but it is somehow different to call one your "girlfriend." I am just not used to being at one woman's beck and call.

I want to be prepared for this, yet I still feel lost… but I am still determined to prove to Molotov and the rest of them that I can be with a single woman and respect her wishes.

(It would be easier, though, if I were not always consumed with... frustrations. She will not even allow me to taste her.)

And what else plagues my mind? The Borgia, of course, as always… I fear Lucrezia will sabotage my relationships, and am concerned about that Cesare has been planning. I dare not place too many thoughts to the page, lest I bring bad luck upon myself.

Then there is Tim, who is Stephanie's "ex-boyfriend" –– I have yet to meet him, but I look forward to it. A bit of sporting fun would do me good.


x






----- Cesare Borgia -----


[written]

Salute.

I'd like to invite you to dinner. Just men –– no fair ladies this time.

E. Auditore.


-------------





Is it time for the snow to vanish into the ground yet? I hate snow. It is miserable to have to bundle oneself up like a Rossian just to go outdoors, and even more miserable to be indoors and wet in such heavy clothing.

Fuck winter, that is what I say.

Comments

[assassino]

[He bites back the urge to say "you balk no matter what I do".]

Which companions are we talking about, of the heart or of the flesh?

[heloise]

[ Why are they even friends-not-friends?? ]

Of the heart, of course. Would you ever stop taking companions of the other kind?

[assassino]

Yes. Hasn't that been the point of our conversations for over a month now?

[heloise]

Perhaps. Does Stephanie know your mystery lover?

[assassino]

She does.

[heloise]

Yet you would never tell me. Why? Do you think she would not be jealous when I would?

[assassino]

Stephanie knows because my lady told her. [And so did he, but that's beside the point. Sort of.] My lady would only have people know on her own terms.

[heloise]

Is she of so high repute to demand such secrecy?

[assassino]

I suppose she is just a woman who values her privacy.

[heloise]

And so you oblige both her desire for privacy and her lack of it for intimacy.

[assassino]

You know me -- I am an obliger of women.

[heloise]

You are. I only wonder what that says of her.

[assassino]

What do you think it says?

[heloise]

Must I decide such things for you?

[assassino]

I only want to know your perspective.

[heloise]

What would you do with it once given?

[assassino]

Consider it. Stop being difficult.

[heloise]

I do not have to answer you. I will not choose to be easy for your sake.

[assassino]

[Sigh.]

It says she demands a man who will treat her right and support her, Lucrezia.

[heloise]

It says she knows you will oblige and thus she asks. Do not think us so disingenous.

[assassino]

I don't think of you as disingenuous.

[heloise]

No? Perhaps not as ingenous as I should like.

Why does she ask such things of you?

[assassino]

She has her reasons, Lucrezia, and I trust them.

[heloise]

[ She pauses then tries to speak lightly, to seem only curious though the concern is audible all the same. ]

Could you grow to despise her for torturing you knowingly?

[assassino]

She is not torturing me.