xxxvi λ winter

[assassino]

-------- Private -------

January 28th.

In some ways, I feel as though I am a ship adrift at sea, or at least a boat lost in a maze of canals. I do not know how to navigate a relationship with a woman from the future. The customs that are difficult enough in friendship prove even more complicated now. I know how a man might dictate a relationship in my time, but Lana is entirely different. If I commanded her, she would likely just be angry with me, so I am letting her make all of the decisions… it is strange, to say the least, but there is little I can do, even if I feel I am being emasculated.

Put like that, it all sounds very dramatic, but it feels as though that is the only way I can express it. It is one thing to be friends with women from the future, that I enjoy very much, but it is somehow different to call one your "girlfriend." I am just not used to being at one woman's beck and call.

I want to be prepared for this, yet I still feel lost… but I am still determined to prove to Molotov and the rest of them that I can be with a single woman and respect her wishes.

(It would be easier, though, if I were not always consumed with... frustrations. She will not even allow me to taste her.)

And what else plagues my mind? The Borgia, of course, as always… I fear Lucrezia will sabotage my relationships, and am concerned about that Cesare has been planning. I dare not place too many thoughts to the page, lest I bring bad luck upon myself.

Then there is Tim, who is Stephanie's "ex-boyfriend" –– I have yet to meet him, but I look forward to it. A bit of sporting fun would do me good.


x






----- Cesare Borgia -----


[written]

Salute.

I'd like to invite you to dinner. Just men –– no fair ladies this time.

E. Auditore.


-------------





Is it time for the snow to vanish into the ground yet? I hate snow. It is miserable to have to bundle oneself up like a Rossian just to go outdoors, and even more miserable to be indoors and wet in such heavy clothing.

Fuck winter, that is what I say.

Comments

[assassino]

I had not been home in a year, so I suppose it was bound to happen.

[secondchances]

It's hard, when things are unavoidable... she probably feels like there isn't much she can do, either. It's all on you.

[assassino]

She manages my finances. That is important.

[secondchances]

That's soooooo fulfilling.

[assassino]

That is what Molotov said. What you do not understand is that it is necessary for our survival.

[secondchances]

Necessary, but that doesn't change how she feels.

[assassino]

We are all doing shit we do not want to do for the sake of making things right. I do not complain.

[secondchances]

I know... but she's lost her brothers and father, and she's stuck counting money while her remaining brother is out doing god knows what. You know where she is, and what she's doing. You don't need to worry about her as much as she worries about you. You feel the progress being made because you're the one doing it. It's different, for her.

[assassino]

Neither of us chose our roles. Our Uncle chose these roles for us. It is pointless for her to be angry at me.

[secondchances]

I bet she knows that. It's difficult to not be angry after being like that for a while.

[assassino]

[He shakes his head.]

Someone needs to support our mother, too.

[secondchances]

She probably wishes you could do that together.

[assassino]

And if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Who would seek revenge, then? My Uncle? [Scoff.]

[secondchances]

I'm just trying to see it from her perspective. I know you'd have things be different if it were possible.

[assassino]

I do not even know what I would change, if I could.

[secondchances]

Why's that?

[assassino]

Because if my uncle had not put me on this path, then I would have become a common soldier or something in his service, and who would be stopping Rodrigo Borgia's tyranny?

[secondchances]

It's hard to imagine you as a common solider.

[assassino]

Because I'd be a shit soldier. I work better alone or as a leader, because when it comes to fighting, I do not take orders.

[secondchances]

We'll have to go on an adventure in the Dead Zone, some day. Get attacked by weird things and see how well we work together in a fight.

[assassino]

I would be too fast for you.

[secondchances]

You underestimate me so much.

[assassino]

Or I know that it is easier and faster to kill than it is to subdue.

[secondchances]

I don't have a problem killing weird creatures. I'd try out my sword and everything.

[assassino]

When you are skilled enough to use it, you mean.