28 Blueprints -- Dictated

[teds_out]

[This page is pretty quiet for awhile. There’s the background sound of a TV playing a movie, or what sounds like the ending credits at least. There’s the decisive sound of footsteps in the background, and a little closer to the journal, a light shifting of cloth against skin and the leather of the couch. And then there’s Ted’s voice.]

Hey, where are you going?

[there’s the squeak of rubber against the floor - which would be someone skidding to a dead halt. and that someone would be Barney Stinson.]

To the bathroom, Ted. Oh. My. GOD. [he paused for a second. anyone listening in might’ve even heard the brief intake of breath on Ted’s part - but Barney wouldn’t even let him get there.] It’s been. A. Week. Every day, I have hung around with you. Yeah, okay, the Star Wars marathon was cool until you decided to tack on the prequels for more couch time. And yeah, I’m not gonna fault you for the Elizabeth Hurley marathon - because hello ladies. But - correct me if I’m wrong, Ted. We went through every single Mario game ever this week, and I played Paper Mario with you, okay. Paper. Mario. A man has got to draw the line somewhere, Ted.

So yes, I am going to the bathroom. And when I come back out, I am going to get another beer so I can refill my bladder, and then you are going to tell me what the heck your deal is, Mosby.

Hey, Paper Mario was cool, okay? Just because it wasn’t as good... as decent... as... anyway, what do you mean, what the heck my deal is? In case you’ve forgotten, Barney, we’re best bros. And best bros do stuff with their best bros. [He makes a ‘DUH’ face at the other man.]

Bathroom, Ted. [and that’s all he gets before Barney shuts the door behind him and leaves him the better part of a minute to sort through his thoughts]

God. [Ted makes a face at the door, then looks down at the journal. Huh, it recorded all this? He’s not surprised, and takes full advantage of it.] You guys heard that, right? Seriously, is he PMSing or something?

No, he’s not, [Barney called out, over the sound of the toilet flushing. the water in the sink runs, faintly, and then he’s back out swinging - figuratively] Yes. Yes, bros do stuff with their best bros. But it doesn’t mean they practically move in together! Name one thing you’ve done all week that wasn’t with me. Besides sleeping, taking showers, and going to the bathroom. One. Thing.

Uh, I totally made breakfast for the both of us by myself. [LEGIT. But then he throws his arms up in a wide gesture, somewhat inhibited by the back of the couch.] So what, what’s the big deal?

You’re not a bro, anymore, Ted. You’re saran wrap on Thanksgiving leftovers, I can’t get you OFF ME lately. This is not the sort of behavior one foists on one’s bro. This is the sort of thing I’d expect from a -- [and a lightbulb pops out of thin air and falls on his head. he bends down and picks it up] 150 watt. Nice.

Yeah.

… Ahem. Ted? I have come to the root of your saran wrap problem. And as your bro, wingman, and resident life teacher slash guru, it is my solemn duty to inform you of it.

Oh yeah? What is it? Enlighten me.

You need. A chick. More than that? Dare I even say it, you need … a girlfriend.

What! I totally have a girlfriend, thanks!

A girlfriend, right. [the sarcasm’s dripping from Barney so thick that it’s amazing he doesn’t need a bib or something] Who? And how many times have you gone out with her?

Dude, I told you who it was, and for the last time, it was not a one night stand.


((Blue is Ted, Purple is Barney! Have at 'em, guys.

P.S. you should make fun of Barney for refilling his bladder.))

Comments

[ardor]

[.....]

You guys do know this thing's open, right?

[bro_codebreaker]

Yes. Hey, haaaaaaaaaaaaaave you met Ted?

fffffffff, the heck with you Rui

[bro_codebreaker]

[Barney bristled maybe a little more than he should have at that. the knowledge that Ted had had a fling with Viv - VIV! - when he'd been the one taking her out to dinners, buying her dresses, playing strip poker - that was a little trying, to say the least. but at the same time, he was hardly about to jump into The Relationship End of Things ever again. no sir, not within these walls or any others. so he shook it off with a little twitch of his head, and made a face, instead]

Ted, Ted, Ted, one date and one roll is NOT a steady relationship, and you need one of THOSE.

Because then you'll totally be clinging to the chick, and she'll be clinging to you, and both of you will be absolutely blissful in your ... clinginess.

[and neither of you will be clinging to HIM]

what :|

[teds_out]

We've went out since then!

[Annnd by 'went out' he meant they went out..... walking.... together.]

Okay, look, maybe we're off to a slow start, but who's to say it won't pick up?

[triela]

Is this really what boys talk about? [judging both of you]

[bro_codebreaker]

When they're trying to talk sense into their bros? Yes. You know anyone single, Tri?

[he loves you too much to hook you up with Ted, little sis]

[teds_out]

Uh, we're grown men, okay?

[AND THEY ACT LIKE IT TOO.]

[stalkershiki]

...

I, uh...

...

...I feel like I should say something about this, since it's all public and everything, but I have no idea what to even say.

[bro_codebreaker]

Say you know someone who'll go out with Ted.

[teds_out]

[Oops guess who's too peeved to care about Shiki seeing this stuff.]

Tell Barney how ridiculous he's being, for starters!

dictated

[thedicearecast]

Is there any chance you'll stop sharing your drama with the entire castle?

[Because Amelia doesn't really know either of you, and she definitely doesn't want to know the crisis threatening your bromance.]

dictated

[teds_out]

Don't like it, don't listen.

[He's in too bad of a mood to care sldkfjs]

[helljumper]

[Rookie had half a mind to just stay quiet and let the two continue on with their conversation, but the last part proved to get a chuckle out of him.]

Don't recall you mentioning anything about a girl, Ted.

dictated

[teds_out]

[It's Rookie, so he supposes he can chill out a little. Just a smidgen.]

Not that you were around, anyway. Where have you been?

written

[formersocialite]

Everyone can hear this you know. [A pause.] Perhaps we need to talk.

Viv

[bro_codebreaker]

[he snatches up his journal, pulls a pen from his suit pocket, and scribbles]

No we don't. You can have him. Have fun.

dictated

[teds_out]

Vivian, tell him!

[Ted is knee-deep in the Amazon, here, and too miffed to care about filtering or being discreet or whatever.]

[heloise]

How wonderful. I would never have thought you were brothers, Ted, Barney.

[bro_codebreaker]

[suddenly casual despite how stressed he just sounded] Oh, uh... no, we're not brothers, we're bros. There's a difference.

[teds_out]

No, bros. Like... palhonchos. Buds.

[wield]

I'll take arguing about movies and video games over depressing journal news any day.

[bro_codebreaker]

Seriously, who wouldn't? And hey - have you met Ted?

[arealwoman]

And I was wondering where the entertainment here was. [ She wasn't but the last few things she's seen? Pretty good ]

[bro_codebreaker]

Nobody like Ted Mosby to keep you entertained. You should see him at a bar. Man's a powerhouse of awesome. [take my friend. PLEASE]

dictated;

[psych0p0mps]

gasp!
ted i didnt know you had a girlfriend!
who is iiit

sorry i love you????

[teds_out]

[He replies to this after he's had his talk with Vivian, so forgive him if his words have a little venom in them.]

I don't.