Ashura-ou (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wishmadeinfire) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
paradisa2013-02-24 12:32 pm
wishmadeinfire) wrote in paradisa2013-02-24 12:32 pm
Entry tags:
The Dreams We Dream
[ ( Broken Filter ) Private --- Because He Thinks Maybe the Castle Is Done With Breaking Them ]
I had another dream last night, the dream where the final piece of sand drops.
I want to tell Felix of them, but I also do not wish to worry him further. I know such things would trouble him, and I put him through enough recently with my month long sleep and my time as a child. I would speak to Galadriel, but I feel she perhaps hears to much of my melancholy. So I suppose this is the best alternative, then, isn't it? I have read this is therapeutic.
To be honest, I am not sure why I have the dreams. I used to, when I was first here, but they have ebbed. Perhaps it is because I grow near the day in which I was brought here? I suppose that might be a trigger, and I would lying if no little fear took my heart. I was once so strong in my convictions, in my absolute belief that the thing I planned, the bargain was... right.
But now I question. Now I ask myself if it was not selflessness and courage but rather... weakness and selfishness. The dream comes and, sometimes, I find myself asking for the grain to remain frozen in the hourglass. And then I think of the years of bloodshed, of Yasha, and I beg for it to fall, to release me. My mind and heart are torn now, and I worry that my life is not a price worthy enough of what I ask, though the Witch has counseled that a life is far to much a price for any one thing. I worry that when I go back, the nature of my heart will have shifted.
I would say now perhaps there is another way, but I have moved events so that there is, indeed, none. And I shall have to live with that... and die by it. I suppose now that my wish, my heart's desire, has expanded to include that I can be forgiven for it too.
I had another dream last night, the dream where the final piece of sand drops.
I want to tell Felix of them, but I also do not wish to worry him further. I know such things would trouble him, and I put him through enough recently with my month long sleep and my time as a child. I would speak to Galadriel, but I feel she perhaps hears to much of my melancholy. So I suppose this is the best alternative, then, isn't it? I have read this is therapeutic.
To be honest, I am not sure why I have the dreams. I used to, when I was first here, but they have ebbed. Perhaps it is because I grow near the day in which I was brought here? I suppose that might be a trigger, and I would lying if no little fear took my heart. I was once so strong in my convictions, in my absolute belief that the thing I planned, the bargain was... right.
But now I question. Now I ask myself if it was not selflessness and courage but rather... weakness and selfishness. The dream comes and, sometimes, I find myself asking for the grain to remain frozen in the hourglass. And then I think of the years of bloodshed, of Yasha, and I beg for it to fall, to release me. My mind and heart are torn now, and I worry that my life is not a price worthy enough of what I ask, though the Witch has counseled that a life is far to much a price for any one thing. I worry that when I go back, the nature of my heart will have shifted.
I would say now perhaps there is another way, but I have moved events so that there is, indeed, none. And I shall have to live with that... and die by it. I suppose now that my wish, my heart's desire, has expanded to include that I can be forgiven for it too.
no subject
Ashura... I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to eavesdrop but... filters are still not working.
[She pauses]
If you'd like someone to talk to... about anything... I'm free.
no subject
And... thank you, Phoebe.
no subject
How about you come over for tea? Peter's at the clinic so I've got the place to myself.
no subject
But... yes, that sounds nice.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
If we're not careful we might make him jealous.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Though to be fair, I have not actually met Peter have I, so it might be a good thing to warn him of.
no subject
Oh I'm sure he knows but it never hurts to make sure.
no subject