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paradisa2013-02-24 12:32 pm
wishmadeinfire) wrote in paradisa2013-02-24 12:32 pm
Entry tags:
The Dreams We Dream
[ ( Broken Filter ) Private --- Because He Thinks Maybe the Castle Is Done With Breaking Them ]
I had another dream last night, the dream where the final piece of sand drops.
I want to tell Felix of them, but I also do not wish to worry him further. I know such things would trouble him, and I put him through enough recently with my month long sleep and my time as a child. I would speak to Galadriel, but I feel she perhaps hears to much of my melancholy. So I suppose this is the best alternative, then, isn't it? I have read this is therapeutic.
To be honest, I am not sure why I have the dreams. I used to, when I was first here, but they have ebbed. Perhaps it is because I grow near the day in which I was brought here? I suppose that might be a trigger, and I would lying if no little fear took my heart. I was once so strong in my convictions, in my absolute belief that the thing I planned, the bargain was... right.
But now I question. Now I ask myself if it was not selflessness and courage but rather... weakness and selfishness. The dream comes and, sometimes, I find myself asking for the grain to remain frozen in the hourglass. And then I think of the years of bloodshed, of Yasha, and I beg for it to fall, to release me. My mind and heart are torn now, and I worry that my life is not a price worthy enough of what I ask, though the Witch has counseled that a life is far to much a price for any one thing. I worry that when I go back, the nature of my heart will have shifted.
I would say now perhaps there is another way, but I have moved events so that there is, indeed, none. And I shall have to live with that... and die by it. I suppose now that my wish, my heart's desire, has expanded to include that I can be forgiven for it too.
I had another dream last night, the dream where the final piece of sand drops.
I want to tell Felix of them, but I also do not wish to worry him further. I know such things would trouble him, and I put him through enough recently with my month long sleep and my time as a child. I would speak to Galadriel, but I feel she perhaps hears to much of my melancholy. So I suppose this is the best alternative, then, isn't it? I have read this is therapeutic.
To be honest, I am not sure why I have the dreams. I used to, when I was first here, but they have ebbed. Perhaps it is because I grow near the day in which I was brought here? I suppose that might be a trigger, and I would lying if no little fear took my heart. I was once so strong in my convictions, in my absolute belief that the thing I planned, the bargain was... right.
But now I question. Now I ask myself if it was not selflessness and courage but rather... weakness and selfishness. The dream comes and, sometimes, I find myself asking for the grain to remain frozen in the hourglass. And then I think of the years of bloodshed, of Yasha, and I beg for it to fall, to release me. My mind and heart are torn now, and I worry that my life is not a price worthy enough of what I ask, though the Witch has counseled that a life is far to much a price for any one thing. I worry that when I go back, the nature of my heart will have shifted.
I would say now perhaps there is another way, but I have moved events so that there is, indeed, none. And I shall have to live with that... and die by it. I suppose now that my wish, my heart's desire, has expanded to include that I can be forgiven for it too.
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If we're not careful we might make him jealous.
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Though to be fair, I have not actually met Peter have I, so it might be a good thing to warn him of.
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Oh I'm sure he knows but it never hurts to make sure.
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