Twenty Three Truffula Trees

[whichwayyoulean]

[Oh yes, it's story time again. The Once-ler has got himself a cup of coffee, a nice cigar and an open journal, which he taps as if to get people's attention]

So, I promised I'd tell this story around this time, and keeping promises is a thing I'm trying to do, so I give you: The Curious Tale of the Sneetches on the Beaches. Or Why Racism is Pointless. [He clears his throat, and begins]


On the beaches of my world live a special kind of bird. Really, really big, sentient birds, called Sneetches. [He helpfully doodles some into the journal] Though they're the same species, there are two kinds. The Star-Bellied and the Plain-Bellied. One of them has a star on their belly, one doesn't. If you guessed which is which, just go ahead and give yourself a nice, slow clap. Good job.

Anyway, the Star-Bellies had this big superiority complex, they thought the stars on their bellies meant they were better than the Plain-Bellies. You ask me? A disfigurement like that, I'd be more worried about what was happening in my gene pool than being all smug about it. They treated the Plain-Bellies like dirt, the kids weren't allowed to play together, the Stars would hoard food away form the Plains, refuse to look at them as they passed, that sort of thing. It was pretty ugly.

One day, a guy came to the beach, a shady entrepreneur because I guess my world just breeds people like us specifically to be a cautionary tale or something who had a machine that could give the Plain-Bellies stars. Not considering the damage this might do to themselves, the Plains jumped at the chance for this machine to fit in with the quote-unquote 'better' side of society, for a price. Sure enough, the machine did the job and soon every Sneetch on the beach had stars on their bellies.

The original Star-Bellies didn't like this at all. I mean, what did those other Sneetches think they were doing? Daring to make every Sneetch equal when they were clearly superior with their physical deformity. Gosh. But that happy little money grubbing guy had the answer for them too. his machine could remove stars, as well as give them.

...Yeah I don't know how any of this works, OK? I'm the guy who made the physics-defying sweater, I don't know the key to genetic manipulation.

Anyway, the Stars became Plains, and like the jerks they were, decided Plain was now the way to be. Back to phase one. What followed was Sneetches going into the machine over and over again, trying to turn the tide of if it was better to be a Plain-Belly or a Star-Belly. Eventually, it got to a point where they couldn't remember if they were originally a Plain or a Star. So, they came the conclusion they should have done before: all Sneetches were equal. They lived their lives contentedly ever since, while the guy with the machine made a bundle and I guess went off to make women feel better about themselves when they were pretty enough or something.

So the moral of the story is this. You shouldn't treat people differently because of what they look like, and cosmetic surgery is never the answer.

The. End.

Comments

[not_mafia]

...that.. actually happened in your world?

[ONCE-LER WHERE IN THE HELL DO YOU COME FROM]

[whichwayyoulean]

I guess. That's how the stories go, anyway. I've never really been to the beaches to see for myself.

[A beautiful land of rhyme and whimsy, that's where]

[ino]

... You know, there was a time in my life where I wouldn't have believed this was a real thing that actually happened.

[whichwayyoulean]

Buuuuuuut now you do?

[findatree]

I remember hearing this story. My grammy used to talk about it.

[whichwayyoulean]

See? It's a great story, my generation grew up...on it.


My generation being your grammy's generation.


There's that feeling of being old again.

[peacockherald]

I... that's interesting, though I'm not sure it's a story I'd tell to put my child to bed.

[whichwayyoulean]

Why not? It's like a staple kids story here.

[wilder]

...Yeah. Your world is weird.

[whichwayyoulean]

That's starting to look like the consensus.

[i_got_this]

What. The fuck?

Heh, your world is messed up, man.

[whichwayyoulean]

Yeah well, most of your worlds sound pretty weird too.

[heal_theworld]

...Well. That was an...interesting story.

[If she hadn't already known how crazy his world is, she would now.]

At least it had a good moral!

[whichwayyoulean]

Thanks for softening the blow with your cunning use of adjectives.

See! It so has a good moral. That's my world. The Land of Good Morals.

[savethedarkness]

[when Once has finished with his tale, the journal picks up a certain sound that tends to follow story time, sometimes....

M left her journal open on the table beside her clinic bed, and is snoring. softly, yes, but that is definitely snoring. way to be dignified]

[whichwayyoulean]

...

Hey! Rude!

[last_rat_standing]

[It's been a long day. Bond finally found his room, took a shower and put on a clean suit. Feeling more like himself he decided to listen in on this journal thing and see what else he could learn about this place. He'd been sitting silently with his own cup of tea when he heard... well whatever the hell that was. He couldn't help but respond, rolling his eyes as his hand shot up to his ear]

I think that was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

[Can't you just hear the disdain in his voice? Can't you?!]

[whichwayyoulean]

[And in the Once-ler's tone, there's only a vague sort of amusement]

Wow. You must be new here.

[billiardsplz]

Huh, that was a lot less violent than I thought it was going to be.

[whichwayyoulean]

...What were you expecting?

[whistles_the_blues]

...Interesting story.

I heard talk of something similar starting to develop in my world.

[Before he died but didn't.]

[whichwayyoulean]

Why does everyone say 'interesting' like they actually mean 'crazy'?

...What? Birds and plastic surgery?

Dictated

[cyan_maid]

Well isn't that quite the tale!

forever!

[whichwayyoulean]

See, I did promise, and lo: I delivered.

[theabjectauthor]

A fine fable, and told with talent, but I would think the true lesson of the story would be that rampant competitive commercialism is no substitute for a firm but open-minded set of personal values.

[whichwayyoulean]

Yeah, my world has this problem of being sucked into the black hole of capitalism.

It kind of happens a lot.