[4]

[savethedarkness]

[M hasn't spent long in her new room at all, but even so, she's not happy with it. she almost liked it better in the clinic. there, she had the anonymity she's used to: but here they've pasted her name in gold on the door. her REAL one, where she's spent the last few weeks introducing herself as Emma to save her skin. it's something that's easily worked around, but it still eats at her, and not necessarily because a secret she's used to keeping has been blown wide open. what's slowly bothering her more is that there's only one person who ever called her by that name, and he's far gone. sure, one other person knows her real name, but she'll be damned before she lets him speak it. it's a matter of pride, even as she knows she'll do whatever she can for that one other person. her stubborn nature's at war with the fact that she still feels her duty around her, even here. she's kept it inside well - she's an expert at that, after all. and yet, today - with everyone spilling their hearts out their mouths, she's been watching with a mounting horror, knowing it's only a matter of time.

so she paces her room like a kenneled animal, fidgeting, irritated, until the words can't be contained and fly out, bitten out and bitter. just the right sort of song.]

♫ Loneliness?!
Is a place that I know well
It's the distance between us
And the space inside ourselves ♪

♪ And emptiness?
Is the chattering in your head
It's the call of the living
And the race from life to death
Whoa and I know - yeah, and I know
What you feel... ♪

[she absently reaches up to touch her cheek, feeling along her jawline, as if she expects her face to feel different - as if she needs to make sure it's still there. there are things that haunt her, these days, that follow her. sins to think on.]

♩ And I've got a longin' that's hard to find
Won't give me no peace of mind
Something that I've lived with all along
Days and weeks and months and years
Filling in the time, my dear,
Tryin' to find the place where I belong... ♩

♪ Hopelessness ...
Is the darkness in your heart
It's the sound of one hand clapping
While it's pulling you apart
Whoa and I know - yeah, and I know
What you feel... ♪

[despite herself, her voice gains confidence, and the things that have been haunting her fade, and she remembers her strength, looking down at her hands. most of the powder burns have faded, but she knows there's less frailty in her than there would appear to be. she knows her will is still intact. that like others, it will take more than words or one bad night to stop her. or one musical number, for that matter]

♩ And I've got a longin' that's hard to find
Won't give me no peace of mind
Something that I've lived with all along
Days and weeks and months and years
Filling in the time my dear
Tryin' to find the place where I belong ♩

♩ And I got a hunger that's hard to fill
Driving me on overkill
Tellin' me that everything's gone wrong
Got me a need that I can't break
More than I can hardly take
Somehow I still keep on going strong ♩

♬ When I call your name
I'm gonna scream out loud
I'll say, here I am standing in the crowd
You'll say, come to me, with your open mind
You never know what you still might find... ♬

♪ But you keep me here like a cancelled flight
An empty train running through the night
An orphan child - a broken shoe
And I'm still down here
Lookin' out for you
Are you there for me?
'Cause I'm here for you... ♫

[she shakes her head, disgusted with herself. there are worse things she could have laid bare, by far, but this ... this one's fresh, it's still raw and literally still healing. she sits down at her desk and buries her face in her hands, completely done with this nonsense. once she's had a moment to compose herself, she speaks up, plain and sharp, as though none of that just left her lips]

I'd give someone half the jewels in the Tower if they'd bring me a bloody cup of tea about now.

Comments

[toobravehearted]

[Craning his head to look at her through the gap in the door, he smiles.] The tea bringing kind, apparently. You did request. May I set this down somewhere for you inside?

[savethedarkness]

Of course. I didn't mean to be rude, it's just that there are measures a woman alone should take for her safety. [as if she couldn't handle herself. she steps aside to admit him, realizing too late that her Emma alias is a lost cause in this case. her real name's right there. she nods toward the nameplate]. Seems they treat everyone here like a bloody film star.

[toobravehearted]

Oh, there should always be a little caution. Rest assured, I bring only tea.

[Nodding his thanks, he enters and sets the tray down carefully on a dresser. Glancing back at the door at her mention and of being bloody,] I should hope not, but yes. It seems important to someone that everyone's label be known.

[savethedarkness]

Yes, and that's going to be somewhat of a problem for me. I'm used to keeping it secret. Came with the job. [she studies him quietly, eyes sharp. He dresses oddly, yes, but there's an intelligence in his eyes, an openness to his bearing. here is a man who either has nothing to hide, or can cope with having his own secrets known, she guesses. he's likely having an easier time of it here than she is]

[toobravehearted]

You've not been here for long, then? I'm afraid that may be something you'll have to adjust to unfortunately. Myself, I'm still wandering into people I've never met before that already know me.

[Standing with his hands clasped behind his back, he watches as she studies him with shrewd eyes. He can recognise when someone is strong of character, and this lady seems almost matriarchal, not about to brook any nonsense.]

[savethedarkness]

[no nonsense whatsoever, unless there's nothing to be lost for it.]

Strangers who know you? I don't suppose you've learned how it could be possible. When I first arrived, I was convinced this was a madhouse, or some other form of facility. ... I must admit, to some extent, the verdict is still out. We're in a gilded cage, Doctor, but a cage nonetheless.

[toobravehearted]

[His eyebrows go up in agreement and a snatch of poetry comes to mind.] Quite. I think William Blake could say it best.

Yes. I've been here before. Don't recall any of it. [Scratching at his eyebrow and pretending that doesn't bother him, he gestures towards the tea tray and makes himself useful to pour one for her.] As far as I'm concerned, I've never met the people that know me here. Between time travel and Paradisa, it's all a bit complicated, really.

[Tea done, he hands out the cup to her.] And here you are, madam. What would you like me to call you? Madam is a bit, well... formal, for tea making.

[savethedarkness]

Blake? I'm afraid I can't help you there. My husband was the poetry enthusiast...

[she takes the cup, filing away time travel to be brought up when it can be more smoothly dovetailed into their conversation. he asked her a question, after all, and answering that comes first] Thank you. I'd prefer to be called Emma - it's what I've been asking everyone to call me, and I find consistency to be best. And what about yourself, Doctor?

[toobravehearted]

[He notes that her husband is referred to in the past tense, although in her being here, that might not mean the obvious. He nods, a slight frown of curiosity at her name crossing his face before it leaves quickly. He's hardly one to talk.] You're very welcome. Emma it is, then. Consistency though, a little boring sometimes. [He smiles softly, answering her question properly.] Just Doctor.

'How sweet I roamed from field to field' is worth looking up, if you get the chance. In fact... It's more apt than I first realised.

[Looking around her room and his gaze coming to rest at the tea tray, ] I should have brought biscuits for you. Next time perhaps. 

[savethedarkness]

[just Doctor and just Emma. it amuses her as much as it intrigues her, and she sips at her tea, ordering her thoughts]

Honestly, I don't mind the lack of biscuits. I shouldn't have too many sweets, anyway. [she'd rather a good sandwich, any day] How would you say the poem is apt? In terms of our surroundings, the circumstances at hand, or otherwise?

[toobravehearted]

Ah, maybe I would eat the biscuits then.

[Up his eyebrows and gaze goes, and he clasps his hands behind his back again, fidgeting slightly.] Hmm. Well. Literally taken, the poem tells of a maleficent seduction. While Paradisa seems pleasant... It's a false sense of security and very much that gilded cage.

[And he's still then, more serious and direct.] The freedom to leave is taken, people are played with and from what I have been told it seems to be quite the sport.

[He grimaces as if there is a bad taste in his mouth.] I wonder, not to be too forward, but would you mind if I joined you with a cup?

[savethedarkness]

I don't mind in the least. It would be rather rude of me, after you took the trouble to bring it to me. Please, have a seat.

[she clears her throat lightly and thinks over what he's said] I'm hardly fond of any of it, myself, but it's what we have to work with, and ingenuity's required on all fronts, it seems. Not that I'd presume to organize anything. Not my place, not here.

[toobravehearted]

Not that I would want to impose, but thank you. [At the tea tray he pours himself that cup.]

Everyone that is able to should lend a hand. Things can get far worse than just singing. Do you organise things where you come from? [Because he thinks that how she said what she said was an implication that she might know how to organise a thing or two.]