paradisa | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

[Well, that was certainly something to wake up to... And not a very good something. Blood on his hands. And when he went to try to shower to clean it off, it got worse. Much worse. The blood isn't just on his hands. It's on the back of his neck at the implantation slot... And then there's the names and symbols. For the AIs and the friends he'd either killed directly or just failed to save.]

[When he finishes, realizing it's a waste of time... He goes to get his journal out, though he inadvertently leaves a reddish smear on the page on opening it. Thankfully, he wrapped his hands to keep it from getting worse. When he speaks... He sounds calm on the surface at least. He's doing his best to not let slip how much he's freaking out at everything being laid bare like this. It's like a living nightmare.] Until further notice? I'm indisposed. If you need to talk to me, it's going to have to wait until after the castle finishes this bullshit.

Well, that or contact me through the journal and I'll get back to you when I can. I'm not leaving my room any time soon. [And there aren't many in the castle likely to get through that lock.]

[softly] There are some things the world doesn't need to know about.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Wow look at how unsurprised York is that Wash is being affected by this. That is to say, York sounds a little more subdued than usual, but that's not going to stop him from talking.]

If you need to get out, you can always take the teleporter in my room out to the hangar. But if you don't want to, that's okay.

I can't. People will see.

It's not just blood... I could handle the reminder of the blood on my hands. I could even handle the implant slot bleeding.

But not the names.

I don't want to know, do I?

I have names on me in blood. Yours. North. South. Maine. Church. Even marks for the AIs.

[Dude, he just said he didn't want to know. York's quiet for a while.]

Listen, Wash--

[Awkward? Yeah.]

You remember being here for the Day of the Dead, right? I'm not saying it'll help, but maybe if you do some kind of ritual, it'll help you get over it. Not that it's something to forget, but--we're here. And I know I don't blame you.

I remember...

And thanks. I'll think about something... At least, I can get some mental peace. Especially seeing as for all I know, the might just be the beginning.

Yeah. Well, and the Doctor's offered up the Zero Room if you want to risk going outside at all.

Don't know if it'll help, but doing something about it's got to be better than doing nothing.

And if people assume I killed all the ones I'm wearing the names of? I've got a bulleye on me in blood.

Except for the part where we tell them it's not true, and moreover? Anyone who would think of something like that probably has it even worse than you do.

Edited 2013-04-14 06:01 (UTC)

...

And the more that appears, the more unnerving it gets. I'm going to need that room eventually or I'm going to lose it.

It's here if you need it. And even if you end up not seeing anyone for however long this lasts? You're not alone, okay?

Thank you, York. I appreciate it.

At least... The blood isn't from normal wounds. I'd have bled out if it was.

Hey, no problem.

And you got a point there. That's a pretty good sign this is only temporary, anyway.

Bleeding to death would make this a lot worse.

Death does tend to do that.

[Have a bitter laugh at that]

though it's bad enough already.

I know. Just because I don't have names doesn't mean I don't have her blood on my hands.

[...He doesn't even have to clarify whose blood, does he?]

York... It wasn't your fault. You didn't kill her.

These... Some I consciously made the choice.

If I really believed that, my hands would be clean.

I guess that's why I'm marked the way I am too.

Because I blame myself for not being there.

That's it. Not all of it - God knows I regret some of the things I did in the military - but a big part of it is what I feel like I should have prevented.

Or that there should have been another way?

There's always another way. That I would have had the balls to do any different--that's what gets me.

Sometimes, the other way isn't as clear until after. If then.

If ever. Yeah, I know.

[Doesn't make him feel any better about it.]

[Subdued anger, or as much as south can sound subdued]

Tell me about it.

You too? [He's shaken up... Very much so.]

I'm a bloody mess.

Me too.

[She hadn't gone through any of this, herself, but hearing it and having to live with the knowledge for the better part of a year was enough to warrant her own set of bloody hands.]

The worst of it? It's not all those I killed. I'd be fine with that... At least I deserved those.

I don't want anyone thinking I killed all the names I'm wearing.

Does it really matter?

I haven't done anything that I'm bleeding for, I still feel it. [This whole responsible-for-brother's-death thing is still tearing her up inside.]

I know...

South, if you need to talk to someone, I can listen. Either through the journal, or you can come here and we can talk in person.

Nooooooooo WAY am I going anywhere again. I just trekked here from town to avoid my roommates, and ran into just about everyone else. Fuck that.

Journal it is then.

You in your castle room then?

Yeah, but don't think about showing up. I'm not letting you in.

[Paranoid and upset? Paranoid and upset.]

Trust me, I'm not leaving my room. I'd rather not have someone assume the names means I killed them...

Even if I did kill some.

Okay, god, what names, Wash? You obviously want to tell me so spit it out already.

Edited 2013-04-14 12:49 (UTC)

Every single person and AI present from home for starters. Whether I killed them or just wasn't able to save them.

For starters? What are you, a walking morbid phonebook?

[She's worse then usual, defensive and biting.]

I was just talking people present at the castle.

And you actually could say that. World's most morbid fucking phonebook. In blood on a human body.

Yeah this whole thing has got to stop.

Yes. It does.

[And that would be a red smear on the page as Washington grips the journal to close it. He needs to be strong. Alone.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(no subject)

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

York

Wash

no subject

South

Wash

South

Wash

South

Wash

South

Wash

South

Wash

South

Re: South

South

Wash

South