xxii. dictated

[heloise]

When does one become, no longer a teenager, but an adult? I heard the drinking of wine will in the future be restricted to those older than eighteen, so does wine make an adult?

And what other licenses are given to someone with eighteen years? I should like to try them all.

Comments

[the_effect_she_has]

You've stripped away your childhood. With sex, you can delude yourself with flowers and poetry. But death - blood on your hands? That's not so easy to tie up with ribbons.

[heloise]

Sex and death. The two things that make one an adult?

[the_effect_she_has]

I think so. But I think it's hard to see, when you're trying hard to be one. [She thinks of all those years she had to pull her family together. Support them, keep herself together.]

[heloise]

What if one never kills in his life? [ Doubtful, at least indirectly. ]

[the_effect_she_has]

[She thinks about that, before answering.] You become a parent, which is the same thing. A life that you bring into this world, that will some day end. And for a time - you are the one who makes sure that life stays in this world.

[heloise]

To bring about death or life.

Have you done any of these or are you a child still?

[the_effect_she_has]

I've killed. I've never had sex.

[The two people that had been possible with - one was in love with someone else and they had both long fallen out of love with one another. The other ... the boy with the bread ... he was gone.]

[Still ...] I'm human though. I've ... thought about it.

[heloise]

[ Have some amused giggle. ]

Thought about it how?

[the_effect_she_has]

[All right, now she's blushing. No wonder Peeta always called her 'pure'.]

You know ... lovers. Kissing. That sort of thing. [Nothing with children though. That still terrifies her.]

[heloise]

[ FFF KISSING IS FOR SIBLINGS, I MEAN, CHILDREN. ]

You desire it.

[the_effect_she_has]

I guess. I mean, I have time to think about it now.

[She isn't constantly worried about food. Survival. A family of mouths to feed. She just has herself in her cabin and ... well.]

[heloise]

Then you must take it for yourself.

[the_effect_she_has]

Yeah, but there's not ... lover material here. [A pause, because Lucrezia probably has - yeah - hm.] For me.

[heloise]

What makes "lover material"? For you.

[the_effect_she_has]

Peeta...

[She sighed out his name, before shrugging her shoulders.] Or someone exactly like him. Someone kind. Someone strong. Someone who always knows the right thing to say at the right time.

[heloise]

Someone who makes you feel safe.

[the_effect_she_has]

[A quiet nod of the head, while she wiped at her eyes briefly.]

Yes. Precisely. Someone who makes me feel safe.

[heloise]

There are many here who can be that for you.

[the_effect_she_has]

[She looked at the words on the page.]

You don't know me very well ... so I won't dare you to name three.

[heloise]

Perhaps we should first remedy that. How shall we meet?

[the_effect_she_has]

[Both of her eyebrows raise up at that.]

...Well, usually I avoid the castle. I prefer the woods, and the shooting range. But I do like the gardens. [There were a lot of good herbs, there.]

[heloise]

I do too. There is an apple tree near where the rosebushes are planted.

[the_effect_she_has]

All right, when shall we meet by the apple tree? [It sounds like one of the folk songs from the Seam.]

[heloise]

Whenever you like. In an hour?

Switch to action?

[the_effect_she_has]

Sounds like a plan.

[Well, this isn't where Katniss expected this conversation to go ... but what the hell? She needed a break from rebuilding the cabin, anyways.]