01 axe throw

[mom_ler]

[Should anyone be keeping an eye on the castle's corridors, they would see a neatly-dressed lady with a denim skirt and a somewhat impressive hairdo skulking along them looking pretty lost. By the way she keeps poking irritably at the décor and looking down her nose at the flagstones and carpets and putting her hands on her hips to cast a snooty look at some of the doors, it can be assumed she's not very impressed by the sudden change of scenery. When she speaks, it's in a nasal Southern tone that suggests she's not used to being kept waiting.]

Hello? If this is a kidnappin', you're doin' a darn poor job of it! Someone get me on the first taxi home pronto or I'll...

[She trails off, and steps out into the room that hosts the castle's pool.]

Huh. I should get me one o' these.

[Aaand it occurs to her how good the acoustics are in here. God help us all.]

Hello!? Damsel in distress! Someone's got a lot of explainin' to do, y'hear!

Comments

Dicated

[whichwayyoulean]

[He'd had a pretty nice time at that ball last night, he'd actually felt comfortable, perhaps even a little happy for a change. But then there's THAT VOICE.

He wonders for a second if perhaps he had an aneurysm in the night and this is what dying must feel like. But no. No he's alive and he's pretty sure he's not insane yet. Still, this is a voice he never thought he'd hear again for the rest of his life, so he's very cautious as he speaks into the journal]

...Mom?

[Maybe it's someone that sounds like her. That happens here all the time right? Ahahah...ha]

/likewise

[mom_ler]

Oncie?

[Sucks to be you, buddy. Vacation's over.]

Oncie, is that you? This ain't funny no more, sweetie. Why don't you tell Mama where we are, huh?

/dictated

[hard_talker]

I'm pretty sure my eardrums are in more distress than you are right about now, lady.

/same

[mom_ler]

Well pardon me fer screamin' but if you don't want a kick where it hurts I suggest you start talkin', kidnapper.

Dictated, with apologies

[i_got_this]

One, you don't have to shout, we can hear you fine. Two, there's no escape so get used to it. Three, kitchen's on the first floor.

likewise and.......likewise

[mom_ler]

I don't have to listen to this. What do you want? Cash? Take it up with the legal advisors, sweetie, I got things to go back to.

[bezazzled]

[Oh, there WILL be a damsel in distress if this keeps up.]

Oi, my achin' head! Quit yer shouting, lady. We're not deaf, you know!

[mom_ler]

[Sass battle: FIGHT]

Aw, well ain't you sweet! Say, you don't happen to know who runs the show around here, do you? 'Cause from the sounds of it, it ain't you.

[yay_heiress]

Oh, I tried that. It doesn't work, trust me!

[mom_ler]

Darn. Ain't just me then, huh.

Why're we here?

dictated

[thehangedrose]

[Damsels in distress? Garry can't resist trying to help hose, selfless person he is, but...this lady is screaming a bit too loud for his personal preference.]

Ah! Calm down, calm down, you don't have to shout...! Really, it'll be okay, you weren't kidnapped! Well, erm, not in the way you thought you would...

[mom_ler]

What in tarnation does that mean?

Dictated

[cyan_maid]

[Holy beans, lady! Turn down the volume!]

Ma'am! Could you please calm down?

[She'd tell you not to go into hysterics, but judging by the muttered comment, she thinks you won't go that far.]

[mom_ler]

Not until I can talk to my agent!

[She's rich! She doesn't have to deal with this!]

[whistles_the_blues]

[That is the most annoying call to action he's heard in awhile. Unfortunately it goes against his nature to ignore it.]

...It may not seem like it at the moment, but you'll find this place is actually an effective kidnapper.

[mom_ler]

Place? Okay, that is it. I have rights! Get me home right now or I swear I'm gonna have all our lawyers on this!

[tapshoetomove]

[Did he go deaf? Luke thinks he might've gone deaf.]

My ears...

[mom_ler]

Your ears ain't no concern when I've been dragged away from everythin' I know to some crazy castle in the middle of who-knows-where!

[originalcopy]

Oh. My. God. Lady... Shut up!

No one here kidnapped you... Well, the castle did... but still.

[mom_ler]

I am sick of hearin' this. A castle's a castle - now let me speak to the manager or whoever's runnin' this crazy operation!

Written

[jimfromit]

Do you mind?

Some of us are trying to nap.

[mom_ler]

Yes, I do mind! I was supposed to be takin' a vacation tomorrow - now I'm stuck in this freaky-deaky castle. Is this some kind of ransom thing they do to rich people?

dictated;

[ensorceler]

[ Sounding annoyed AS HELL, WHY IS HER JOURNAL OPEN RIGHT NOW... ]

I pray you, still your tongue! You are in no immediate danger, and thus there is no need to shout.

[mom_ler]

No immediate danger - I've been kidnapped!

[solowingpixy]

[There's a man in a leather flight jacket walking back into the castle with a shiba inu puppy when the woman puts on a fabulous display of her vocal skills, which causes the puppy to jolt under one of the chairs and put its paws over its ears. Pixy himself just stopped, raising an eyebrow at the woman while he internally cringed. God, he'd be surprised if they couldn't hear that all the way in Yuktobania.]

Funny, you don't look like you're in distress.

[mom_ler]

[She jumps slightly and turns to flash you a highly judgemental look up and down - before she realises you might be able to help her and suddenly turns sickly-sweet.]

Well I am sorry for the outburst but I am several kinds of lost. You don't happen to be able to help a lady out, hmm?

[kungfuwitch]

[Damsel in distress... riiiight...]

You haven't been kidnapped. At least, not in the traditional sense. Welcome to Paradisa. The castle has taken all of us here from our own times and places and we'll be stuck here until it sends us home.

[mom_ler]

Ain't like no paradise I ever heard of. I'm not stayin' here long if I can help it. [She's going to keep looking around for some kind of exit sign.]

dictated

[protosshaze]

What's a taxi?

[mom_ler]

Oh, you pay money to get taken where you want to go, sweetie. If you ain't heard of money either I don't think you got any reason to keep talkin'.

[peacockherald]

_{[ Vanyel, for his part, looks like something out of a romance book set in the middle ages - the dark black hair with its single streak of silver, dark blue-purple jerkin, knee high boots, doe-skin trousers. And he was raised to well by his own mother to rightly ignore a lady in distress. ]}

I am afraid there is not much explaining to do ma'm, or at least, the one who did it will not be explaining anything to you any time soon.