62. [dictated | action]

[foolreversed]

[third time around is much easier, Adachi's noticed. He's used to his daughter by now, although he's noticed that while she's still very high energy, it's a lot more contained than it used to be, and while her interests are still mostly the same, she can take a lot more entertainment in more subdued activities, like drawing or reading. So for now they're doing their own thing, nestled close together on the hotel lawn, Mayoko reading a detective book for children and Adachi looking through his journal for what feels like the first time in forever (an ongoing occurrence he's realized)

He feels like he should say something, but he's not really sure what he can say anymore. There's been a weird feeling in him lately, one he can't describe. It's almost a dreading feeling, as if time may soon be up for him.

He's not sure if this is something to discuss with Mayoko right there but for what it's worth she is pretty mature for her age and already familiar with murder mysteries so it might not be too bad.

So get yourself ready folks, it's time for Adachi Has Deep Thoughts About Society And The World More Than He Ever Lets On: Existentialism Crisis Edition!]

I know there's a lot of people who want to just go home but do you ever... get a little scared thinking about that? And I don't mean because of the way your home is or whatever but I mean like...

Say you've been here a long time. Let's say... 2 years. Long enough that you've had time to grow and change and you're not the same man- or woman I guess, that you were when you first came here.

Do you ever... stop and think about how... going back home means everything about who you are right now is basically like... erased?

Isn't that a little scary, when you really think about it? It's like the person you are right now just... dies. You no longer exist. The you that you were back then isn't who you are now. It isn't quite the same.

I used to think I wouldn't care if I went home. "Welp, this dream was nice and all but it's time to go back to reality!" But now... hmm. I don't know anymore.

All the things you've seen, all the people you've met... they...

[he trails off and finally Mayoko notices the blank look on his face as she looks up from her book]

"Papa? Are you okay?"

Haha... Yeah, I'm fine. [then he gets a teasing, playful tone to his voice] Daddy was just thinking about how much he wishes he could stay with you forever, even when you're all big and he has to chase the icky boys away!!

"Mayoko wants that too! Mayoko wants to always be with papa AND mama!"

[THERE IS PROBABLY SOME HUGGING GOING ON RIGHT NOW judging by the brief silence]

Anyway sorry, I rambled on about pointless things with that my big mouth of mine again... just ignore all of it, okay? And um... if anyone would like to meet or play with Mayoko, we're sitting outside the hotel today. You're welcome to come... I assume she won't be here long...


[later though, when Mayoko is occupied again, Adachi scribbles something down on a private filter.]

[Filtered to the Castle itself]

do i bore you now
you dont fuck with me as much so i assume i do

[...]

please just dont put me back there
do anything else
id sooner go to the island of misfit toys than back there

Comments

[whichwayyoulean]

[Well, that certainly strikes a chord. It's something the Once-ler dreads, really. He's learned so much in his time here, he's got people who care about him, he's even learned to care about some of them in return. The thought of that all being erased...and what's more then having fifty years of solitude to look forwards to...well, it wasn't a pleasant one]

It's one of the many daily thoughts about my life I have, yeah. But it's out of our control. Whatever happens to us, at least we'll be spared in missing all of this. That might be worse, I think. Going back and remembering everything, and never being able to get back to this place, to be that person again.

[foolreversed]

I guess... that's a good point. But I don't know if I can quite feel the same.

It's kind of like that saying, you know? "Better to have loved than never have at all." I used to think stuff like that was a bunch of baloney, but I think now I understand. I think I would rather miss them, remember how this place changed me and try to change my mistakes back home, instead of just forgetting everything and being in the same miserable rut I called a life back in that dump, with no hope of ever changing.

Obviously that's not the best for everyone though. I can see why someone would rather just forget.

[whichwayyoulean]

Especially when you won't have the chance to change your mistakes for a very long time.

[He dreads his future so much, but he knows it has to take place. If it doesn't...well, nothing could ever be better]

But yeah, it definitely depends on the person. It's a shame Pradisa isn't that considerate.

[foolreversed]

At least there's that chance, I guess. Even if it's not for a long time. At least it's there. At least there's a future.

[if he sounds a little unsympathetic he doesn't really mean to, really! But as someone who has no future as far as he's concerned it's a little tough to not be envious of even that much]

[whichwayyoulean]

The tiniest of chances...yeah.

[Wow he is so unwilling to buy into that. That falls into the dangerous territory of HOPE and he is not a fan of that one bit]

[luxe_can_kill]

[Mitsuru listened in on Adachi's journal entry in complete silence. She would be lying if she said the same thought didn't occur to her before. She wasn't sure what made her not want to go home anymore, but she's thinking it's just getting used to the castle, and changing back to her normal life back home would take some effort.

Hearing Mayoko over the journal brought a smile to her face for a very short second. She remembered she's stuck with a kid of her own. She's still uncomfortable with the idea of having a kid at her age, but she's just going with the flow right now and dealing with it...

But she's business as usual, so she shrugged off her thoughts for now and say what she want to say]

Tohru, do you wish to meet in person? I have something I want to give you.

Bring your... daughter, if you wish. My Mariko could meet her here at the play room.

[foolreversed]

H-Huh? O-Oh, Mitsuru-san! S-Something for me? Really? Sure, I'll be there!

[oh wait right] Um, do you want to go to the play room, honey?

"Sure!"

Ok, then yeah! We'll see you and... Mariko? Soon!

1/2

[luxe_can_kill]

Very well, we will be waiting.

2/2

[luxe_can_kill]

Hi mister!

[Mariko waved at the journal]

[Continued here]

[therealrisette]

[Rise saw this entry a while before, but she was a bit preoccupied with her own... daughter. (Man, that's weird to think about!)

But once she has a bit of time for it, she responds. Maybe it's just that Shiori's nearby, but her tone is a lot softer than Adachi's probably ever heard it.]

I've thought about it...

[She's made a lot of friends here in the past five months, and experienced a lot. Even if she could do without some of the things the castle has put them through, she wouldn't want to lose all of the good things too.

... And as much as she still hasn't forgiven Adachi for the things he did back home, she wouldn't want that for him, either.

Even though Adachi himself scoffed at the idea of saying he's changed... he really kind of has. He's still a murdering bastard who doesn't deserve this place at its best! But she's seen enough unfiltered conversations in the journal to know he has friends here. And he even seems to genuinely care for this Mayoko girl.

Adachi deserves to be punished for what he did. Rise's never going to budge on that. But even he doesn't deserve to be erased like that. Just... sent back and forced to grow and change all over again in a place where he might not ever get the same chances again.

... She might be identifying with this way more than she'd like to admit. So many memories she never wants to lose, but knows she inevitably will. Yukiko might never know how close they could have been... she'd never see Nora or Colette or Conan or Sugar or any number of people again...

... Maybe she was wrong the whole time. Maybe the castle isn't too good for Adachi. In a way... it eventually becomes a crueler punishment than anything he ever could have been given back home. And nobody in the castle, no matter what they've done, deserves that.]

...

[Rise's very quiet on her end for a long time while these thoughts are racing through her head. Eventually, she speaks in unintentionally hushed tones - from the sound of it, maybe even through some very subtle tears?]

... How old is Mayoko-chan?

[foolreversed]

[Adachi's never really sure how to deall with the IT kids when they're not screaming at him so he's silent for a moment when he hears Rise. When she asks about Mayoko though he sttuters]

How old is she? She's... [oh... oh shit he's not even actually sure. He never found out the first time she was here and it never came up later...

Thankfully the little girl interjects to answer the nice voice]

"Mayoko is six, onee-chan!"

Y-Yeah! Six!