paradisa | THE RIVER

Yeah? And why should I believe this promise when you've gone back on every other one you've ever made to me? I lost my ability to believe in you when you threw your gift to me off a fucking cliff like it was garbage.

[She really should have just let the dinosaur eat him, he's thinking. It would be easier to deal with than this roller coaster.]

It wasn't garbage. It was private information I had to dispose of. [Whoops looks like they're fighting again. And no one was surprised.]

That you trusted me with. And you threw away. So why should I trust any promise you make, again?

I never promised you anything when I gave it to you. [She frowns further at him, tired of this usual argument already.]

[He's only still mad about it because it still hurts every time he thinks about it. Which is a lot of the time when he's around her, really.]

Don't be pedantic. It was a sign of trust.

I guess you were right when you said I couldn't trust you.

[She pales immediately at his second sentence and her anger bursts out of her as she reaches to shove him away, despite him not doing anything physically.] This is why I never want to be around you.

{She begins to stalk off, needing physical distance from him ~~and the need to take care of some of the scratches and scraped patches of skin but she doesn't want to touch them. All they do is remind her of the asshole whose life she just saved.~~]

What? Because I remind you of the truth?

[She really does act like a child sometimes. But if she's going to be like that, he doesn't want to talk to her either. Hmph.]

Because you're an asshole. [She snarls back at him over her shoulder.] You betrayed the entire Project and you expected me to let you walk around with personal information about me?

[Well that hadn't been 100% the real reason but she'll go with it for now.]

You think I don't already know exactly what it said on there? You think that was going to make me forget? You only did it to hurt me.

[He scowls. Come on, Carolina.]

Yeah, I betrayed the Project because it was doing terrible things. If you'd bother to listen to any of us about it, you could figure that out for yourself. If I'm an asshole for sticking to the truth instead of feeding your ego, then yeah. I guess I am.

No, I didn't. [She is getting super pissed now.] I don't want or need you to feed my ego. What I want is for you to treat me with an inch of respect, but that's too much to ask of you, isn't it. No, you need to go on crying and moaning to anyone who will listen about how you're the victim any time you start dismissing me. Stop ratting to Church about what a bitch I am when ten minutes after I save your life, you're dismissing me. If you keeping treating anyone who used to care about you like this of course you're going to end up alone and surrounded by broken promises. Stop and think for two seconds about not being a fucking asshole!

[Honestly, she's seething, everything is pouring out of her, molten hot, and it's been a while since she's said this much to him all at once.]

You did this while we were together, before I even threw anything off any cliffs. And then you got mad when I walked out. And got mad when I didn't want to see your face for weeks.

Edited (jesus enter key stop) 2013-06-22 01:42 (UTC)

The hell I don't treat you with respect. [More than she deserves, he thinks at times like this.] Yes, I get pissed off at you when you act like a huge bitch! But you know what I don't do? Bring it up to anybody who doesn't fucking ask me first. You have no idea how much your actions hurt people. Not just me. Everybody who used to count you as an ally or a friend. You alienated all of us within three days of getting back to this place. You did that.

[Yep, now he's just mad again. She's really good at doing that to him.]

If you actually remembered anything about when we were together, you'll remember the only times I left were when you changed. Loss or not, you were the one who triggered that. If it makes me an asshole for pointing that out, maybe you should just think about letting the goddamned dinosaur eat me next time.

[...Yeah, he went there.]

[She reaches forward to shove him again, more angry than she's been in a long time. ] I saved your life and then you dismissed me.

[And all of a sudden it's the Director standing there in front of her, not him, and that near-insanity level of rage snaps.] I wish you'd died instead of her. I wish you'd gone to war instead of her--

[She wishes for a lot of things these days, but they're all beyond the Castle's ability. She wishes Tex hadn't ever shown up. She wishes Maine hadn't taken that bullet for her. She wishes she'd been able to save CT.

She wishes that she'd have been good enough just once.] I wish you'd just said goodbye. You could say it to me but not to her?! You never even looked for me. You wanted me dead so you could have her again.

[She reaches out to try and shove him again, her face a mess of anger and now the beginnings of tears. She's gone. She's just gone.] I wish you'd died instead of Allison.

[He was about to snap back that he hadn't dismissed her, she'd just reminded him of what he didn't have anymore--but what the hell was this?

As soon as she says the last bit there it begins to make a little bit of sense, but he's mad enough that he slaps her.]

Fuck you, Carolina. I did die instead of her.

[The slap connects with her face and it's like a booming stereo is suddenly silenced. Her ears ring and she shudders for a moment at the sudden return to reality. They're in a cave. There's a waterfall. There's a dinosaur outside. The Director isn't anywhere nearby.

She doesn't answer him at first, instead just standing there and letting the rest of reality wash back over her like a cool breeze. It's relieving, really, to have all of that anger gone.

Even if it meant that he had to slap her.] She died a long time ago.

[Well. At least she's not yelling at him anymore. York blinks at the sudden change in her expression, but maybe sometimes you really do have to slap people to get them out of hysteria.]

I think you're a little confused.

[If she came from the Mother of Invention crash, Tex wouldn't die for a long time yet. Also, she's here on the island right now.]

No, I'm not. [Her voice is deadly calm and she's still not looking at him. It's difficult to even think about Allison, what with every time she barely thinks the name there's an echo in her head. Like a drop into water.]

Yeah, you are. [Now sounding tired more than mad.] I did go to war. I did look for you.

And I did die instead of her.

I'm not talking about you. [She's sane enough to at least recognize that much. She's sane, but she's tired. Immensely tired. From the adrenaline crash, from the sudden loss of her anger, from the sudden clarity that York had been right and her father hadn't been anything like the man she thought he'd been.]

[He just blinks at her a couple of times. See, this is why he has trouble with her.]

...Right.

["Who were you talking to then?" is warring with "Why are you calling Tex by her real name?", but rather than start another fight, York will just turn to leave again.]

[She sees him moving away again and despite the urge to remind him to go away, she doesn't. The fatigue settles in on her bones again and she heads in the opposite direction to find a place to sit down. While she's grateful he still hasn't figured things out, another part of her muses that it would just be easier at this point for someone to know, anyone to know.

Or maybe it would easier to just look psychotic to anyone who walked by.

Sending out enough psychotic loner bitch vibes would at least protect her.]

THE RIVER

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