The year 248 was a leap year

[onlyanapple]

So, while that lot are doing their thing, I thought I would take it upon myself to entertain the castle. I know, it's such a heroic sacrifice on my part, one that doesn't require rushing headlong into obvious danger like a suicidal lemming.

[There's some tapping of computer keys] For those of us with access to it, if you'd like to upload CastleNet, you'll find some new games to entertain your tiny attention spans. Have fun. Let me know which one you hate the most.

Oh, and whoever is was who decided to make the Bentley look like a fucking boombox? I'l going to find you and break every single finger in a hand of your choosing. Use this time to deeply consider which hand you'd like to be maimed.

[On CastleNet, there are indeed new games. The Useless CastleNet - a page which leads to even more pointless pages, which Crowley has carefully added. Circle the Cat - a game wherein you need to...circle a cat. And the dreaded, hated Cookie Clicker]

Comments

[bro_codebreaker]

Not it.

... oh, hey, grandmas.

[onlyanapple]

I figured the grandmas might turn your head.

If you like, you can pretend some of them are cougars.

[bro_codebreaker]

Please, that's like saying I get off on anime porn. [unspoken addendum: "on a regular basis".]

And besides, the usual age cap for a cougar is about 56. 60 if she's really, really, really working it.

dictated

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Wow way to make her happy she's actually off on the expedition right now.]

You're such a hero, Crowley. [She smirks] But, hey, a boombox? That's a new one. Don't people usually just crash it or something?

forever!

[onlyanapple]

[She should be glad]

Or bedazzle it, yeah. It's still not acceptable.

[eat_me_beat_me]

You do know that none of it's permanent, right?

[putuporshutup]

I'm almost sorry I'm leaving if you're putting on a show. You'll have to give me the cliffs notes version when we get back.

[onlyanapple]

I'm sure I can manage that for you, Meg.

[putuporshutup]

I'll be looking forward to it. We'll have to grab that drink now that I'm back to a reasonable decibel level, too.

[elfiehopkins]

(Elfie is new here so pretty much everything he says goes over her head. Which just makes her even more curious and even more determined to ask as many questions as possible. She was a detective after all and she wasn't going to get anywhere without asking questions.)

I gather there are quite a few people away from this place. Could you tell me a little more about what they're doing out there?

[onlyanapple]

[Oh look, a newbie]

They're running into possible danger to save people who largely hate us.

[elfiehopkins]

(Yes, hi, hello there, man. I'm afraid you're not going to stop getting questions. She only wishes she had her tape recorder with her so she could keep this conversation close to her.)

Well now aren't they brave. And why would anyone hate us? I mean I haven't been here long but as far as I gather none of us are here by choice.

[aphoenixsong]

I cannot understand the use of such games. [He has nothing against cats or cookies. Both can make a wonderful, lovely home, but he doesn't want to waste time on either of them.] Were the games difficult to craft?

[onlyanapple]

That's the point, Albus, they're not supposed to have a point. They're just timewasters.

Nah, it's all pretty simple stuff I stole from humanity back home.

[honeytoes]

Dude...do you have any of the classics on here?

You know like Pong or pac-man?

[onlyanapple]

Not yet, but I could certainly give it a go.

[honeytoes]

Awesome.

God the eighties were great for games...I used to love that little yellow dot eating bastard.

Dictated

[babyaliendaddy]

The only thing worse than not having porn on Castlenet is these dumbass games, dude.

forever!

[onlyanapple]

The dumbass games have their point.

And if you really want porn, find someone who'll be willing to be filmed while doing the dirty and porn you shall have.

[originalcopy]

[The sound of clicking in the background.]

You're an evil sonofabitch...

[onlyanapple]

Well, yes, that's kind of the point.

[freeslider]

On one hand, it's nice to see computers have come along a little in terms of capabilities, but on the other, it kind of isn't...

[Click click...]

Oh my gosh, this cat...

[onlyanapple]

Is Mr. Whiskers giving you trouble?

Dictated

[wizard_redfive]

[Of course he uploads more games after she enters the computer-free zone. Someone Up There must be looking out for her free time or something.]

What type of games?

[onlyanapple]

You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?