First Mission ⊕ Do you want ants? Because THAT'S how you get ants. [Accidentally Dictated]

[fairlyclassichim]

[Sterling Archer, international spy, is suction-cupped to the outside of the 30th story of a skyscraper. His colleague is careening down to her death, having slipped mere seconds ago.]

AAAAAAARRRRRCCCCHHHHHHEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!

I'M COOOOOOMMMMMMMIIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!

Phrasing! Oof!

[Archer launches off the building into a backwards swan dive and freefalls after her in hot pursuit.]

LAAAAAAANNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAA! WOOOOO HOOO HOOOO-HOOOOO!

[He passes her and turns mid-air, ready to grab on to the building again and catch her.

Instead, he comes to a sudden stop as he crashes down... on top of a dude... in some kind of bright turquoise body armor... in a strange kitchen he's never seen before in his life. The force of the fall slams them both into the counter, sending food flying everywhere as they both skid to a rough stop against the cabinets.]

WHAT THE SHIT? Where the hell am I? LANA!

Comments

[fairlyclassichim]

[He stares blankly for a moment, totally spacing on the clever remark that was on the tip of his tongue. What the hell was wrong with him?!]

I... yeah. Ok. Nice to meet you, Thorin.

[fuckelves]

Likewise.

[Thorin tilts a brow at Archer's clothing.]

You're dressed...oddly, if you don't mind my saying.

[Then again, everyone dressed differently here for obvious reasons.]

From where do you hail?

[fairlyclassichim]

[Archer looks down at his tactical gear. Slightly darker black turtleneck tactleneck, black cargo pants, boots... pretty fucking standard for a mission, but this guy looked like he was from... God damnit! He knows this...]

Uh, yeah, right back at you, buddy. I'm from New York. Where are you from?

[fuckelves]

[Thorin scoffs lightly at the name; he's never heard of it. Perhaps it's some city in Mordor.]

Erebor, the Lonely Mountain in Middle Earth.

[Even as he speaks, Thorin reaches for an empty mug and silently wishes for the castle to fill it. To his enjoyment, it fills with ale, and he begins to drink.]