Dictated - Bow Chicka Back Back

[babyaliendaddy]

[There is the sound of tearing. Angry, angry tearing, and a lot of cursing that is not appropriate for small children. Literally, the foulest language possible said as quickly as possible, with as much violence as possible.]

MOTHERFUCKINGDICKFACESONNOVABITCHBASTARDFUCKINGFUCKERSWHOGOTFUCKED!

[And another bang. And an angry huff.]

...whoever put me in the fucking baby bonnet, CHURCH, better start running now. I'm about to get all FREELANCER up on your bitchy ass.

Comments

[hatesgoodbyes]

[Laughter, lots and lots of laughter.]

I so owe him twenty bucks.

[babyaliendaddy]

If I could kick your ass, I would so be Kicking Your Ass, Tex.

[putuporshutup]

[Well, this is alarming. Her voice is cautious, and much more serious than he's ever heard it before.]

Tucker, do you... require assistance?

[babyaliendaddy]

Bitches about to be stabbed, Meg.

Stabbed.

In the face.

[putuporshutup]

[She tilts her head to the side, genuinely confused and a little worried.]

Why would you want to stab a female dog in the face?

[babyaliendaddy]

[.... what the fucking fuck is this?]

I ... ah ... what are you talking about?

[putuporshutup]

[Have an exasperated sigh, Private.]

That is the term for a female canine, is it not?

[babyaliendaddy]

Ah.

Yeah.

It is.

But I don't mean ... ah, dogs. I mean ... people who act like ... not cool people ... why are you talking like that?

[putuporshutup]

You mean to stab a person in the face because they are... warm?

[She frowns. This seems wholly unnecessary, and her own speech hardly seems relevant to the matter at hand.]

Talking like what?

[babyaliendaddy]

No, I mean to stab them because they are dicks.

[He frowns in turn.]

Like you don't understand what I'm saying.

[putuporshutup]

[Another pause.]

In the interest of time, I'm going to assume you don't actually mean human male sex organs. You speak... strangely, but I gather that you mean to harm someone who has done you wrong?

[originalcopy]

Oh hey Tucker... [overly friendly and on the verge of laughing] Welcome back.

[babyaliendaddy]

Stand exactly where you are and don't move until I get there. So I can kick your ass.

[babyaliendaddy]

[Another, another pause.]

..Okay, seriously, when did you start talking like Phyllis?

[putuporshutup]

I am not aware of any change. Who is this Phillis you speak of?

[i_got_this]

Where the fuck have you been?

[Yeah though she's not at the level of Fucked Up when you disappeared, Tucker, she's certainly not having a good time of it now.]

[originalcopy]

Aww, someone woke up grumpy. [snerk]

[whistles_the_blues]

The only way it would be more fitting is if Church were wearing it instead.

[babyaliendaddy]

She was a tank. Well, then she was an AI. I knew her as both.

[babyaliendaddy]

Just you wait, mother fucker. Just you wait until you turn into something. Then I'm going to take goddamned video of all the horrible fucking things I'm going to do to you.

[babyaliendaddy]

...I was like, a fucking doll for three weeks, apparently.

[Woah shit. Better diffuse this bomb.]

[babyaliendaddy]

Don't think he won't, dude.

[putuporshutup]

[None of this means anything to her. She hesitates.]

I have never been any kind of military vehicle, nor do I know what AI means, but I would still advise against stabbing anyone in the face. Murder seems to be... frowned upon here.

[whistles_the_blues]

Well, maybe there is some hope for this place.

[hatesgoodbyes]

If you could kick my ass it would be some fucked up alternate reality backward universe.