99.5 - life is skittles and life is beer

[hard_talker]

[Filtered To Supporters Of The Mockingjay]

Hey, I'm gonna be saying Katniss got sent home, since it's our best bet to keep her safe 'til we figure out if there's anyone here after her ass. Do her a favor and make it sound legit, okay? Just ... don't flip, she's still here.

[/Team Mockingjay]

[at 10 PM on the dot, the old familiar Leonard Cohen tune drifts out of any functioning castle radios, as usual. Mark lets it get about halfway through this week - sorry, Molotov - before he fades it out. he has also plugged surge protectors into every open outlet in his room. this has relevance, really.]

Gooooooood evenin', folks, and welcome to another Monday night menagerie of music and -- and something that has to do with gossip and news that starts with M, fuck alliteration - with your old pal Hard Harry.

A tip of the hat to our newbies, Hans, Nina, Gale, Cinna, Finnick, and Freya... but a little bit of sad news along with it. In what I'd probably call the fastest turnaround since yours truly got here a year and change ago, Katniss Everdeen's gone home. Whoops, Paradisa, your bad? What'd you do, get the fucking resident hiccups? Nice job.

I know none of you actually missed the memo about spring bein' here. I dunno about the rest of you, but it kinda makes a guy wanna sing. Since I'm no Sinatra, I'll spare you, but here's something appropriate from an old friend of mine, Mr. Tom Lehrer...

[and with the scratch of a needle, a jaunty piano tune comes drifting over the airwaves]

Also, hey, anyone got any good kitchen skills? I was thinkin' of tryin' my hand at a little cooking, but I may or may not have failed home ec back home. But how can you come across this recipe in a cookbook in the library an' not wanna make it? If you'd turn your attention to your journals, loyal listeners, you will see the Crafty Candle Salad.

[and he pastes a polaroid of the original recipe onto the page]

Seriously, don't you just wanna swallow that whole? Mmmmmmmmmm.

Got any recipes to top that one? Equally strange and scintillating kitchen stories? Kinkiest use of a kitchen appliance? Throw it at me, I'll be here.

Comments

Guess who doesn't know her nickname, guys.

[fly_little_bird]

[She doesn't even hear most of the broadcast. Everything after "gone home" was a blur. When she realizes he's done talking she pulls over her journal. Her voice is soft as she tries to fight the emotions brimming under the surface.]

Katniss went home...?

Rue - SMART THINKING, HAYMITCH

[hard_talker]

[he instantly throws up a filter to the little girl, and winces.]

You knew her from home?

Rue;

[accidentalrebellion]

[AND NOW THEY'VE UPSET RUE. If there's one thing you don't want to do around Katniss....--]

It's okay, Rue. I'm still here.

Rue

[tyingknots]

[Aww man did they have to upset the little girl too? Finnick's just going to try and explain things as best he can.

Maybe.]

Rue, you see Katniss is here right? We just need to pretend she's gone, to keep her safe. [Better him then Haymitch right?]

Rue

[wastheexample]

Oh come on, it's right there. [Kids, why is his life plagued by kids D:]

She's fine, I'm trying to get the Capitol off her back, if they come nosing around. Try to keep up with the ruse, huh kid?

Guess who also doesn't know Katniss's nickname! :D

[wizard_redfive]

Most of my kitchen stories involve alien houseguests.

[ Filtered to Hard Harry ]

Too bad about Katniss though. I barely got to meet her.

[And Peeta will be sad to lose her so soon.]

Haha, lots of fail for Haymitch. XD

[hard_talker]

Can I still hear one? I'm serious, I love this shit, lay it on me.

[Dairine]

Maybe she'll be back...? [he's sorry, Dairine, but the guy was pretty adamant about making sure only people Katniss knew she could trust knew she was still there. he'll apologize later if you find out]

[traken_master]

You do make Mondays interesting, Mr. Harry. That recipe is certainly picturesque, but mayonnaise on a banana? That's almost disgusting. I can see why it appeals to you however. You humans are so strange about some things. Why can't food simply be...food?

[hard_talker]

Hey, I didn't say I was gonna eat it. Actually, I intend to mock the shit out of it.

asdfjkl; HAHAHAHA

[accidentalrebellion]

[Fortunately, Katniss has started to pay (somewhat) more attention to the journals. After Gale and Cinna.... who knows what could happen. She never talks much (let's face it, because she's Katniss), but she's been known to peruse it on occasion. She just so happens to be doing such a thing when she catches her own name. With this. No, she may not know the whole story behind it, but the more it sinks in, the more it starts to stink.

So here comes (1) Mockingjay to ruin all the best laid plans. Sorry, Haymitch. Asshole.]

Is this a joke?

<3 Best Katniss.

[hard_talker]

[and since he doesn't know her voice...]

Which part?

…Well, that took less observation than I was expecting. XD

[wizard_redfive]

[Okaaay, that is definitely Katniss’s voice. What on earth...

Then Dairine remembers last week’s broadcast. Specifically, Peeta and Haymitch’s comments (or what she could read of them). That coupled with her knowledge of the Games and… well, the math comes together easily. Clearly someone wanted to protect Katniss.

But just to check…]

[ Filtered to Katniss ]

Dunno. Doesn’t seem very funny to me.

Katniss

[fanstheflame]

[hey, look who knows how to do the fancy filter thing, thanks to Jo]

There's this message up at the top when you look at the journal. Says "Followers of the Mockingjay". Looks like they're trying to fake out any Capitol people, Catnip.

Katniss

[wastheexample]

[No damnit why do you have to ruin everything he does for you? Do you want him to forever have a heart attack? DO YOU?!!]

What part of 'lie low' did you not understand? Was it the lie or was it the low? Shut up, you've left the castle, as far as they're concerned.

Katniss

[tyingknots]

[He's drawing you an arrow to that top filter there Katniss.]

Joke? No, just making sure you're alive to go back home is all.

[jetset]

[ a bark of laughter. ]

Crafty candle... right.

[hard_talker]

So crafty you might not even notice where that maraschino cherry's goin' 'til it's too late! [he snickers]

[squirrelhunter]

Hey, ya missed someone from that newbie list. Not that I ain't plannin' on stayin'.

[hard_talker]

Oh, yeah? ... What day did'ja get here? Last Thursday was kind of busy and insane, so if it was then ... that'd explain it. If it wasn't then, well, I'm just a fucktard. [he says it cheerfully enough]

[triela]

[stares at the radio thoughtfully. No, she doesn't know Katniss's nickname either]

Katniss is really gone?

[hard_talker]

[and he hasn't talked to you enough to know you, so ... sorry, Triela ... for now he's sticking to the plan]

Yep. ... Sorry f'you knew her.

LMAO WTG Haymitch WTG

[tyingknots]

[At least Finnick can see the filter, unlike well, it looks like a lot of people reacting to it all. So cue one upset victor. Sort of.

Finnick really shouldn't be allowed to do this type of thing.]

Katniss went home? Guess Haymitch is safer for it. [That done he is going to scribble in a filter too.]

[Hard Harry]

How was that?

This Guy

[hard_talker]

Pretty much perfect, thanks. ... So, hey, Haymitch didn't tell me. What's this Mockingjay business?

[noblefive]

[Jorge is a long-time listener, first-time speaker.]

Someone told Peeta about Katniss?

[He sounds concerned. Peeta is his friend, after all.]

[hard_talker]

I dunno. I only noticed it on CastleNet, this afternoon.

[wastheexample]

[Even though he's mad as hell that Katniss has managed to throw a spanner into his glorious plan, Haymitch sounds airy, as if nothing at all has happened. After all, if there's one thing he's good at, it's lying]

Least I only have one of them to deal with here now. The me who's apparently still back at home with have to deal with Little Miss Hormones now.

[hard_talker]

Hey, at least you get to be in two places at once. Not everyone can claim that. Congratulations.

[Haymitch, You Stupid Jerk]

What the FUCK? I thought you said that filter'd cover everyone that she trusted -- and you could have at least warned her we were doing this!

That doesn't look like a candle... or this mun has just a dirty mind...

[youhavebeenflynned]

You got a strange taste in food. Mayonnaise on banana and salad with pineapple?

It looks simple to make so I don't think you'll need any help with it.

Welcome to the reason I put it in the post. XD

[hard_talker]

[he snerks] ..... Dude. Did you even look at it?

mockingjay filter;

[periculis]

[ ......... ]

Let me guess — Haymitch's idea?

To End!

[hard_talker]

Yeah. He got all pissed off that I was tellin' people they were here, because he doesn't think she's safe. .... I know Peeta a little, and I know his home's not exactly perfect or anything, but ... I don't know the whole story. So I figured it was safest to just go with it.

[peeta_bread]

...What?! No, no. No no no no...

[Harry]

Who told you to do this? Haymitch? And she didn't even get a warning?! Ugh! [There's a moment's pause.] And I don't mean that I blame you, Harry. You were just trying to help.

Peeta

[hard_talker]

Yeah, it was Haymitch, arright. What a friggen idiot! Tells me to filter to her friends and doesn't even tell HER ... he thought she'd be able to see it!

Shit, this is a clusterfuck. I'm sorry. All I wanted to do is help her, and now she probably thinks I'm an asshole.