ℒℒ 39

[luthored]

[Ezio Auditore]

So, I was thinking... This may sound ridiculous.

[ Shut up she isn't flustered ahem ahem. ]

We got to know each other so well in Paris, but I didn't really get you anything for Christmas, and I feel like I should have, considering nobody would have gotten their presents if not for you.

So why don't I make you some lunch sometime? Any day is fine, since I work evenings. If you like, we can go horseback riding and have a picnic. There's a large tree not too far out that's...surprisingly warm.

[/Ezio Auditore]

[Lilah Morgan]

How's the house hunt going?

[ If all's been according to plan, then terribly. But Lana can't be controlling everything so she has to check and see. It's a casual enough question, right? Especially when the person asking was supposed to be the one 'recommending' you... ]

[/Lilah Morgan]

[Tess Mercer]

I'd like to meet, and talk. Something I wish I had done more the last time you were here. What day are you free?

[ No she isn't asking if Tess wants to talk. That isn't even an option, honey. ]

[/Tess Mercer]

[Ray Stantz & Jet]

I wanted to thank the both of you properly for helping me back at Libet. I know I wasn't really aware of what was going on when I eventually woke up, so...

Thank you. And if there's anything I can do to pay you back, let me know.

[/Ray Stantz & Jet]

[Wesley Wyndam-Pryce]

I got a new toy.

[/Wesley Wyndam-Pryce]

I'll be honest and say that Friday really lived up to its reputation, didn't it? I heard a lot of people got creeped out, but I didn't hear about anything serious happening. At least I hope that's right.

It would help if people checked in and let me know they're okay.

Comments

( lana lang )

[compels]

Why? What have I ever done to make you think that -- I'm not even a person, Lana. And yet you keep -- trying to work up this image of me that's not --

I'm not the man you think I am. I'm not even a man! And I wish that I were. That I could be that for you. But, I will never be able to be what you want me to be.

So, why do you keep thinking that I can? What is it about me that makes you think I could ever be anything good? Tell me, Lana.

( damon salvatore )

[luthored]

Because you held me, and nothing else. You didn't ask any questions, and you didn't leave, you just stayed. And you haven't asked any questions since, which I needed. You gave me comfort, and time. You made me feel good about myself.

I just... When I tried telling you I wanted to be friends, and how important it was to me, you threw it back in my face! I know that you're like that, and I...know you tell me that all the time. But what I saw in you that night was different, and I wanted to know I didn't imagine it!

But now you've twisted it into something shameful, and I feel disgusted with myself, and you.

So, no, at the moment I'm not feeling very hopeful for you or either of us! What's going on with your brother hasn't helped, and Elena still hasn't contacted me. I have absolutely nothing to work with! I'm not a statue! Occasionally I need support, too! And not always when it's convenient for you!

( lana lang )

[compels]

[ Damon, you done goofed. Which is now setting in. God he knew he had fucked up but he didn't process just how royally he'd done it. He's silent for a moment, then his voice is even and low when he finally speaks. ]

I'm coming over. Whether you let me in or not is your call, but I'll be there. I will always be there. Whenever you need me, Lana, all you have to do is ask. [ It's the only way to remind himself that it's not all on him. She needs to learn to ask when she needs that support instead of just being a bitch and expecting him not to rise to the occasion. ]

[luthored]

[ He keeps saying that, and it doesn't comfort her, not when coupled with his behavior. Honestly she's a little freaked out and she's got Wesley's speed-dial ready to hit inches away from her hand just in case. The journal wouldn't be quick enough if Wesley had it closed at the time.

She had hoped her confession would make him understand, to give her some time, but he's always so impulsive, and she's never ready for it. Which apparently means the impulsiveness is working. ]

[compels]

[ It takes him all of two minutes to get there, and he knocks lightly on the glass sliding door at the back of her house when he does. He can tell with those enhanced vampire senses that Shadow heard him and reacted, but for now, he's hanging back and waiting for Lana to let him in. ]

[luthored]

[ She pulls her hand away from the phone and turns at the sound of the knock and the puppy's barking, seeing him rush through the kitchen. Not knowing why she expected him at the front door, she glances at the phone again before getting up and walking through the kitchen to the back door.

Lana'd been crying, but her eyes are dry now, and she still appears angry and unsure, hesitating another few moments before opening up the glass door enough for him to come in. ]

[compels]

[ He glances down at the entryway before slowly stepping through it, looking around. He then walks further inside after a pointed pause and tries to remain as casual as he can. But, there's a saddened, pensive look there. ]

[luthored]

[ The air surrounding her offers little comfort, for either of them, and she only meets his gaze for a moment before sliding the door back shut and wandering sluggishly over towards the fridge. ]

Did you want some blood?

[compels]

Didn't realize you kept it around. [ That almost warrants a curious look. ]

[luthored]

Well you usually drop by unannounced. I have since you watched the place.

[compels]

[ ......... 8(((((( oh god now he feels even shittier how is this possible. his heart twists in his chest. ]

Thoughtful. [ He follows her into the kitchen, hovering awkwardly by the threshold of it. ] ... I screw up. Sometimes I do things that I don't have to do. [ A beat. ] And it sucks. [ This is what an apology sounds like. ]

[luthored]

[ She purses her lips a bit thoughtfully at that, leaning against the fridge door and folding her arms across her chest defensively.

It's not a very good one. ]

Yes. It does.

[compels]

[ Awkward silence. He won't say it, but the fact is he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to get better. Find a way to stop ... sucking. Or whatever. After a pause, he rolls his eyes a little bit. ]

That was a yes on the blood, by the way.

[luthored]

[ And knowing that is probably the only reason she hasn't given up and just tried to stake him. Still, it's not enough anymore. Something has to change, but the question is what. What are either of them willing to change?

Seeming mildly annoyed by his answer, she keeps it to herself and pulls him out a bag. She doesn't hand it over, though, instead taking it over to where she can pour it into a proper mug and stick it in the microwave. She won't have him sucking blood out of a juicebox in her kitchen.

Really, Lana has nothing to say. She's said everything she needed to. Right now the best she's hoping for is that he'll just behave and go sleep on her couch and leave her alone... But she never knows what to expect, of course. ]

[compels]

I thought you'd understand. [ It sounds stupid coming out of his mouth, but it's the truth. With how things had gone with Clark recently, he had hoped that Lana might understand the reasoning behind Damon's grudge against Wesley. It all boiled down to being hurt. ] He wanted me to be someone that I wasn't. And when I didn't meet his perfect image, he bailed. What's that sound like, Lana?

[luthored]

You thought I'd understand?

[ Turning, she slams the mug down next to him, hands on her hips. ]

Wesley and I never asked you to be perfect, Damon. We just don't want you murdering people or threatening our friends. That's nothing like my situation, and it's not too much to ask.

Besides, he tried to make contact again. He wanted to help, for the greater good. You're the one with too much of an ego to accept it.

[compels]

Newsflash, Lana. I'm not human. I will never be human again. I'm a monster, so why the hell are you so surprised when I act like one?

[luthored]

[ That just gets an uninterested eyeroll, turning back around to pull a bottle of water out of the fridge. She's growing tired of these lines. ]

More excuses. That's all they are. Or did absolutely nothing I said to you before Christmas get through your skull?

[compels]

Refresh my memory.

[luthored]

Then sit down and listen for once, instead of always running your mouth off.

[ And drink your blood it's getting cold. ]

[compels]

[ He takes a seat, grabbing the mug and gesturing widely like he's Vanna White. ] Wow me. [ Then he takes a deep drink from the mug. ]

[luthored]

I'm not here to wow you. I'm not here to coddle you or give you a treat every time you've been good.

[ She takes a seat across from him, folding hers arms across the edge of the table and looking at him. She still doesn't feel like talking, she still wants to hide away in her room, but she knows that isn't going to solve anything.

Not that this will either, but as hurt and frustrated as she is, she doesn't want to give up so quickly. ]

Do you think I really care that you're a vampire, Damon? Do you think I ever did? I've known far more dangerous demons. I'm friends with one. I've also known angels, contractors, aliens, mutants, witches, talking animals... And really, I say for the last time, that's what you are. Not who you are. It's a classification, just like being human. I've known evil humans, and I've known kind demons.

Who you are is going to remain a monster if that's what you choose, but it doesn't have to be. You always have a choice, but the problem is you never seem to think there is any. So you lash out, because for some reason you've given up on yourself enough that you're not willing to actually put any hard work into changing.

If you think Stefan can repent, then why not you?

[compels]

[ Because he doesn't think that. Because Stefan tries to repress what he is and the one time he has to accept it, he lashes out worse than anyone.

Because Stefan spent a great deal of his life as a ripper and the reason he broods so much is that he has finally taken the time to slow down long enough to consider what that means, and Damon's too scared to let it sink in. If he tries to really recapture his humanity, then all the guilt will have to come with it. And he hates himself far too much.

Because the only reason Angel is good is because he has a soul. And most vampires don't. If that's true in their world, then maybe in his -- ]

Because I don't know if I even have a soul to save.

[luthored]

...Well you're never going to find out if you don't change anything.

[compels]

[ He's just silent at that; because he knows she's right, but he also knows that if he doesn't try and change, he'll never fail. If he doesn't try, if he just accepts that he's a monster, he won't have to suffer the disappointment of discovering that he's soulless and there really is nothing he can do to get better. ]