paradisa | v λ education

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v λ education

["Clinic," she had begun saying, every time he got too close to her.

He liked a lot of things about Stephanie Brown, so he wasn't going to let a stupid thing like that bother him too much, but he was a little offended that she thought he a) was diseased and b) didn't know anything about protection. Sure, he was from a time where prostitutes could carry bugs, but he avoided those ones. And protection? Pfft. He might not have known about modern protection, but there was pulling out, and ah, tra le cosce. To his knowledge, he'd never gotten a woman pregnant. Why should he worry now?

He'd also pointed out to her that the women he'd already slept with in Paradisa hadn't given him any long lectures about protection nor quizzed him about disease, but she was adamant. Clinic, clinic, clinic.

Ezio wasn't even planning on sleeping with her, and she still demanded he to go to the clinic, no matter what his excuses were.

So, finally, he sulks his way down to the clinic and lets himself in. It's a bizarre place, unlike any doctor's house in his time. Everything seems so nice and clean, and there are no blood stains on the floor. That's nice. And, as Crowley had told him, there is a large mural of Eden on the wall. Interesting.

But is anyone here? If there was no one here, he can tell Steph that there was no one there. That'd be nice.

He has to be able to say he tried, though.]

... Hello?

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[House glances at the box while he sets the tubes aside to take into the lab. He speaks while he removes the tourniquet and needle, tucking a cotton ball against the tiny incision on Ezio's arm.]

Aren't you going to show him how to put it on? [FOR SHAME, DR. WATSON.]

I was wondering why there weren't blood stains on the floor when I arrived. [Might as well admit it.] Now I see why.

[He moves to hold the cotton ball in place for House, and then turns his attention to Dr. Watson though, mildly surprised.]

Put what on?

[ DON'T YOU FOR SHAME HIM. ] No, you are. I'll take the samples to the lab. [ He smiles tightly, collecting the tubes himself to take to the lab before House can really protest. ]

Seeing as Dr. House is no longer busy, he'll show you the proper use of a condom.

[House watches him go. He doesn't say anything, which should frighten John. It just means this is the beginning of what will be an ever-escalating prank war. When he turns back to Ezio, he pulls a wrapped condom free from the box and wishes for a banana. He holds it up in front of his patient's face.]

Pretend this is an erect penis.

[He laughs. He has no idea what a banana is, dude.]

Whatever that is, it doesn't look like a healthy one.

[ It... does worry him a little. Just a tad. Though he shrugs it off and disappears into the lab. He's safe for the moment. ]

All you need to know is it's long, it's stiff and you put it in your mouth. Just like a real penis. Now watch.

[He rips the condom wrapper open and pulls the condom out. Making a show out of it, he places the condom at the tip of the banana and unrolls it down and on the fruit.]

And that's it.

[More like he'll put it in other's mouths, thank you very much. Interesting, though he can't say he really cares for the idea of wearing one.]

And this prevents disease? [Just so we're clear.]

[No one cares for the idea. It's just one of those sacrifices we must make.]

Yep. Keeps those bodily fluids that can transmit disease separate. It also has the added bonus of preventing you from knocking anyone up. Just remember to use a different one each time and toss the used ones into the trash.

[Have the box, man. Enjoy.]

[Ezio takes the box, not sure that he'll actually use them.]

Barring pregnancy, I can see, but we don't have these diseases in my time... at least not the ones you've described. If preventing them is this simple, why do you have such horrific diseases? Or is this just an American thing?

Because even with access to these, people still have unprotected sex with multiple partners. And you can thank your Naples with help from the French for spreading those horrific diseases. America's problem is chlamydia. And obesity.

[Guilty as charged on the first note.] How do Napoli and the French spread disease to our region? Where did it come from before that?

[Helpless shrug.]

In my time, we just pull out. Some use linen or sponges to act as barriers, but those just take away the pleasure.

[Like hell he's gonna mention that most recent theories point to syphilis being carried over from the Americas. He matches the shrug.]

I was born in 1959. You'd better ask someone who was alive then.

[He makes a face at the "take away the pleasure" bit.] That's everyone's problem. Condoms are thin enough to not be as troublesome. And different types exist designed to maximize the pleasure. Experiment until you find one you like. Or just don't use them. You've been educated as to the risks, what you do now is your problem.

Oh, Dr. Watson?!

[Confirmed in Dec 2011 by anthropologists, actually. AMERICAAAAAAAAS!]

I suppose Katherine might know.

[Disappointing, though. He takes another condom package out of the box to inspect it.]

And what does the church think of these? Is disease taken to be a punishment from God for sins of the flesh?

[To 2005 House, it is unconfirmed and he'll keep it that way as long as he damn well pleases.]

Isn't every disease a punishment from God for one sin or another? Smallpox was one. Influenza too. Colds are the ones you have to watch out for; you get it, it's a sure sign you're damned.

[Grabbing his cane, he gets up to dispose of the used materials. And pour himself a cup of coffee.]

[He shrugs, and then peels away the cotton ball to look at the mark underneath. Just a tiny prick. He wonders who they even invent these things.]

I know little of disease. Other than my late brother, our family has seldom been touched by it.

Is it common in Paradisa?

[Endless questions.]

[Considering House actually thought about dropping a vial with a highly contagious infectious disease (like the plague) in the lobby to see if it livened this place up...] No. Unless you're counting mental diseases. Then it's very common.

Like lunatics and madmen? I haven't seen any yet.

[Considering pause. You know what? Just given luck, considering how many women he's slept with, it seems impossible that he's been lucky enough to avoid ALL disease. This situation seems rather grim.]

I have no interest in being the one to introduce disease to Paradisa... but with my habits, I fear it may be possible.

Save the chat with your guilty conscience for two days from now when you get the results back. [Hello, coffee. House takes a sip. Ezio is still there when he sets the cup down. Why is Ezio still there?] You're free to go.

[Because he is too friendly for his own good. And he is free to go? He smiles. HAHA. NO PEEING IN A CUP FOR HIM. He gets up to go.]

Should I just come back in two days, then?

Yes. Don't forget to find Dr. Watson and give him the urine sample when you get it.

[Making a break for it.]

[Damn. He pauses, mid-step, and backtracks to get the little canister.]

Right. I almost forgot.

But wait! I did not get your name.

[He pushes the door open and walks through, then pokes his head in again.]

Ask for Dr. Chase.

Dr. Chase. [nod] I am Ezio Auditore. Thank you for your assistance.

[And then he'll be on his way out, unless Watson shows up again.]

[ NOPE. NOT COMING BACK OUT. TOTALLY USING THESE BLOOD SAMPLES AS A REASON TO HIDE AWAY. UNTIL THAT INEVITABLE PRANK WAR BEGINS, OR SOMETHING.

But he'll be here... for a while. It's not like he's got anywhere else to be. ]

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kiku says to skip her for a bit ahaha

/is gonna crawl into a hole and die after this thread is over ldglfgd

ahAHhahaha i'm going to cherish this ridiculous thread fforeverrrr

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