09

[jimfromit]

[Jim’s pretending he didn't spend two days in a home economics classroom. So what’s the best way to remove events like that from memory? Why focusing and laughing at other peoples problems of course!.]

So Paradisa...how are we finding our new arrivals?

Are you all gaining a new found appreciation of contraceptives for your crude urges? 

Comments

[moonlightmagician]

What crude urges? I'm a virgin! There has to have been some kind of mistake!

[jimfromit]

Really? Doesn’t the evidence beg to differ?

[moonlightmagician]

The evidence contradicts itself. If they really were mine I'd have been at most fifteen at the time of conception. Not impossible, I'll give you that- but I'm pretty sure I would know if I ever got my best friend pregnant.

[jimfromit]

Not to mention it would make great chat show TV.

Never mind, you'll just have to deal with the hand life has dealt you.

[moonlightmagician]

[ said very dryly ]

Trust me, I know that better than anyone.

[ And that is no lie. ]

[jimfromit]

Do I detect a hint of bitterness young man?

You know you're not setting a good example for your little one.

[moonlightmagician]

There are somethings I'm allowed to be bitter about. [ Finding out your dad was killed over a stupid gemstone that might not even exist would probably make anyone bitter. ]

And.. It's little ones, actually. I somehow ended up with twins.

[jimfromit]

Oh you get double the fun.

What did you do to get on the castle's bad side?

[moonlightmagician]

Maybe the castle doesn't like magic shows.

[ or the castle didn't approve of his pranks. ]

[jimfromit]

You're a magician?

Congratulations...for the very first time I actually find myself on the side of this loathsome place.

I feel dirty now.

[moonlightmagician]

And may I ask what's wrong with being a magician?

[jimfromit]

You mean aside from appealing to the lowest of the lowbrow?

[moonlightmagician]

You clearly know nothing of the Magician's trade. Not surprising, few people do.

[jimfromit]

What is there to get? The magician does a couple of cheap parlour tricks playing with the minds of the gullible, and he gets the applause and approval from others that he craves to justify his existence.

Apologies for the edits

[moonlightmagician]

First of all, the class of the magician directly influences the cheapness of his tricks. Second, you have obviously never heard of Kaitou Kid.

And Third, a trick is a something a whore does for money- any magician with any kind of class knows that they're illusions.

No problem, I do the same sometimes.

[jimfromit]

Oh you're just arguing over the little details kiddo.

The more intelligent people know it’s a trick or illusion; the gullible still clap their hands afterwards like trained circus monkeys.

[moonlightmagician]

It's sad you're so convinced that's all it is.

You think a magician of any worth would target the duller, less intelligent audiences? Ha! It has always been my goal to leave my critics, and the skeptics stumped- to leave the most intelligent person in world babbling like an idiot because they can't figure out how a trick was done.

And again, you should read up on Kaitou Kid.

[jimfromit]

My word, such passion.

But it'll take something very special to convince me otherwise.

[moonlightmagician]

Sure, I understand. Seeing is believing-or disbelieving.

Well, lucky for you I'm always willing and prepared to showoff my skills.

[ Jim Moriarty ]

[workaphilic]

Not one of the lucky ones?

[Sherlock Holmes]

[jimfromit]

No the castle apparently thinks I've suffered enough this week. How nice of it.

So did you hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet this morning then Sherlock?

[ Jim Moriarty ]

[workaphilic]

And if I did?

[Sherlock Holmes]

[jimfromit]

[Laughs]

Ah avoidance, the next best thing to an admission.

Oh Sherlock I'm sooo happy for you.

[ Jim Moriarty ]

[workaphilic]

Don't be.

[Sherlock Holmes]

[jimfromit]

[Still with all the laughter]

Come on it’s funny...isn't it?

Not even a little?

Well at the very least it's given you motivation to use contraception for that very special first time.

[ Jim Moriarty ]

[workaphilic]

[HAHA aren't you hilarious. B(]

Best enjoy your reprieve while you have it. They don't last long here.

[Sherlock holmes]

[jimfromit]

[Karma seems to be a concept lost on Jim.]

Sometimes you just have to savour the little victories around here.

Do let me know if you need a babysitter...I can be awfully good with children.

[ Jim Moriarty ]

[workaphilic]

I don't think that will be necessary.

[thehistorian]

Oh, sod off.

[jimfromit]

Such language.

Don't you know sensitive ears might be listening?

[thehistorian]

You know, it's strange-- I don't care.

[jimfromit]

Well I can see somebody isn't a natural father.

How sad.

[thehistorian]

There is absolutely nothing natural about any of this, from the sentient castle to the impossible children.

[jimfromit]

Either way, you're just not making the most of this wonderful opportunity in front of you.

[thehistorian]

Right. How would I go about making the most of it, in your opinion?

[jimfromit]

Why by rolling up your sleeves, getting your hands dirty and seeing if you and your...partner would make good parents of course.

God it's not fun if I have to explain everything to you people.

[thehistorian]

You know, my partner? Not actually my partner in any sense of the word. The Castle just seems to be up to hijinks.

Really, I'm terribly sorry to interrupt your fun.

Wait, wait. No, I'm not.

[jimfromit]

Why you have to be the most bitter, cynical and sarcastic man I've ever met.

I think I like you.

[thehistorian]

It's carefully cultivated, I assure you.

I'm certain I would be flattered under virtually no circumstances.

dictated;

[psych0p0mps]

what the heck are contraceptives

[Says the 14-year-old with a babbling grub in the background.]

dictated;

[jimfromit]

Doesn't that question just speak volumes about your current situation?

Um prophylactic's, the contraceptive pill...items that you can use to stop this type of thing happening.

Good lord am I really having this conversation?

[psych0p0mps]

if youre talking about all the wigglers
i really dont think theres a pill that can stop a magical castle from having its ectobiological way with everybodys genetics

[jimfromit]

True but you have to admit it’s a great motivator if they get any more crude urges.

And why do I suddenly feel like a high school sex education teacher?

[psych0p0mps]

[Because you are one, O great Moriarty :p]

im not really sure what youre getting at

[jimfromit]

Breeding is probably different for you back home.

If it isn't then...ask somebody else about it. It’s just sooo not my place to explain these things to you.

[psych0p0mps]

oh
yeah no i think i understand now

[spoiler: she only understands enough to know she doesn't want to know.]

[jimfromit]

Very good.

[cantacquityou]

I see that you're finding a new found appreciation for sarcasm.

[jimfromit]

Oh I've always had a healthy appreciation for that.