05 | baby butz | action

[thebutz]

Sage, no! Come back!

[How can these kids be so fast?! Larry is chasing after one of his two brand-new three-year-old daughters, who has apparently decided to take after her daddy and paint beautiful masterpieces... On the walls of the castle lobby. She's also managed to stay just out of reach of the out-of-shape Larry so far.]

Nick, help me!

I'd love to, but I'm a little busy!

[Phoenix, on the other hand, is struggling to catch another little girl who has decided that the large staircase is in dire need of some finger painting. He keeps managing to inch close enough to grab her arm, but he's too afraid of hurting her to do that, and so she continues wriggling up the staircase, slowly painting it with a big, blue stripe as she goes.]

Olive… I appreciate your color choice, but you can't paint the stairs...

...you know what, I give up. Paint the walls. [He flops down in a chair and watches as his daughters continue defacing the castle. Come join him, Phoenix!]

Comments

[thebutz]

But... It's not very fun...

[He pouts a little. Maybe he'd like it better if it didn't make him look so weird and like a horrible father...]

[takethat]

I don't think having kids is always supposed to be fun.

[Not that he'd know.]

Maybe if you played with them you'd have more fun and they'd calm down?

[thebutz]

...well... Maybe...

[So he stands. And stares at them awkwardly. It's a step!]

...

[He goes over to Sage and stands next to her, looking down at her as she continues making a mess.]

...how about we give you a bath and do some more structured painting?

[She smiles and giggles at him. Clearly they are making progress. He picks her up, paint-covered self and all, and starts to trudge toward the stairs.]

You going to join us, Nick?

[takethat]

Sure...

[He spins Olive around so that he's got her right side up and carries her, following Larry.]

Bathing and painting on paper. That's your future, Olive.

[A pause, then]

I have no idea how to bathe toddlers.

[thebutz]

...me neither. I guess we're about to find out huh? Or do you know anyone who could help?

[takethat]

I don't.

[Maya offered to babysit, sure, but that had nothing to do with bathtime...]

Hey! I bet there's a library book that could help!

[thebutz]

You think?

...where is the library, anyway? I don't think I've ever been... Didn't even know the castle had one!

[takethat]

It's huge--it has three floors. It starts on the fourth floor, so I guess that's where we should head?

[thebutz]

I guess... Man, how are we ever going to find a book in a three story library?!

[takethat]

That's a... good question.

[He stops walking and deflates...]

This is going to be impossible, isn't it?

[thebutz]

Probably... But you're a lawyer, why don't you use your lawyer powers to find it?

[Yes... He is serious...]

[takethat]

...lawyers don't have homing pigeon powers, Larry...

[thebutz]

No, but they have like... Investigating powers... You know? Yeah.

[takethat]

[Well, if Larry wants to think he has special powers, might as well let the ego boost go for a while. Still...]

Surely the library is divided up by sections like most libraries are. I bet there's a childcare section.

[thebutz]

I don't go to libraries, man... This is on you.

[takethat]

I thought you were helping!

[thebutz]

Well yeah, I am! I'm helping you bathe the kids aren't I?

[takethat]

....you know what, scratch the library! Let's just do this.

[And he's stomping off toward his room with Olive in tow. You better be following him, Larry Butz.]

[thebutz]

But... Hey! We don't know what we're doing! What if we drown them or something??

[takethat]

Oh we won't drown them! We won't put that much water in the tub.

[Still marching onward! And Olive is pulling on his spikes now, giggling when he winces about it.]

[thebutz]

Yeah but what if they drown anyway...? What if we use the wrong kind of soap? What if they slip and fall?

[He runs to catch up with Phoenix, since he's just been standing there like an idiot...]

[takethat]

We will hold on to them, Larry. And I don't think there is a such thing as the "wrong kind of soap..." If it makes you feel any better, we'll just ask the castle for some "baby soap." Maybe that's a thing.

[thebutz]

What if the castle gives us soap made of babies...?

[He is dead serious.]

[takethat]

...you know, it might.

[He's serious, too.]

We should ask for "soap for bathing babies with," then.

[thebutz]

Yeah... Sounds good to me!

[So after they come to that agreement they head to Phoenix's room to bathe some babies.]