-77- New Kid In Town

[luckyvalentine]

Gimme that!

No.

[and there goes Mother of the Year, down the street, with a dangerously adorable toddler... on a leash. It's attached to a harness around the kid's torso... but it's still definitely a leash. The kid is wandering toward every shop window, pointing at every shiny and expensive-looking thing]

Mine!

No, it's not. C'mon-- [giving the leash a little tug to get the girl moving again]

[and once they get back to the castle? That leash is staying on, while Faye flops down on the couch, apathetically hanging onto it with one hand while the girl runs around ...and seems to be using an ashtray as a truck or an airplane, judging by the engine sounds she's trying to make. Mommy's not taking a nap--honest.]

Comments

[gottaknockhard]

[Whatever Faye just said, it's forgotten as soon as his cigarette disappears again. If it weren't for his leg, he'd be jumping up right now to challenge the baby-demon.]

Okay, what the hell? [He turns to Faye, pointing at her offspring.] You saw that.

[luckyvalentine]

I didn't see anything.

[denial, denial. The little girl has her hands over her mouth, trying to stifle giggling, though]

[gottaknockhard]

[He notices that giggling.]

I can see why nobody took her.

[luckyvalentine]

[oh, you should watch what you say, Spike. That gets the girl to frown, and snap her fingers one more time. Now he's missing his lighter too.]

Hey, be nice. [--though whether it's to the girl or to Spike is a little unclear]

[gottaknockhard]

[She's playing a dangerous game here. He spends a good few second squinting at the kid, daring her to try something else.

But Spike, not one to beat up small children, shuffles to his feet, grabbing a hidden cane as he does. Apparently he's not quite back to his normal bickering. He gave it a shot, anyway.]

Have fun with that.

[luckyvalentine]

Yeah, right.

[and really, she was content with letting him hobble away. She wanted a nap anyway.

...But apparently her sweet little daughter had other ideas.

There is one more snap of tiny fingers... but this time, it's Spike's cane that disappears]

[gottaknockhard]

[His mind was already on something else when he put his weight on a cane that very suddenly wasn't there. He instinctually reaches back for the couch, but ends up coming down on his bad leg anyway and nearly crashes to the ground.

After a growl of pain, he glares -- at Faye. Because that's really where he should focus his blame.]

The fuck is your problem, Faye?

[luckyvalentine]

Hey, I didn't do anything!

[just ignore the way that she's wide-eyed and grabbing her toddler's hands.

Then the girl starts giggling, and she switches to clamping a hand over her mouth]

[gottaknockhard]

[His glare hardens, even if she's using a kid as a shield.]

That's funny, I could have sworn you had something to do with it.

[luckyvalentine]

[she's not really using the kid as a shield...]

I didn't tell her to do that. ...Maybe you shouldn't have insulted her.

[...okay, now she's using the kid as a shield, picking her up and holding her in her arms]

[gottaknockhard]

[He's leaning on one leg with his hand on the couch, because he can't even walk off now.]

Maybe you shouldn't have spawned with a demon.

[luckyvalentine]

[Faye's voice spikes, and the little girl clamps her hands over her ears to block it out. Mommy's loud.]

I didn't spawn with anything! This wasn't my idea, you know!

[gottaknockhard]

[Totally ignoring little girls to fight... but she's imaginary, so Spike doesn't even hold back.]

It got the idea from somewhere.

[luckyvalentine]

[and the imaginary little girl is wiggling hard now, trying to get away from Faye]

Yeah, it got the idea! Blame the castle, not me!

[gottaknockhard]

[That wiggling merits another glance.]

I wonder who she takes after.

[luckyvalentine]

[Faye doesn't really get a chance to snap back an answer, before the girl decides to show exactly who she takes after.

As inexplicably as all the other magic tricks that have been happening, she's suddenly... something else.

She becomes a tiny green snake, to be specific, slipping right through Faye's arms to tumble to the floor]

[gottaknockhard]

[Spike keeps staring at it, because he's not used to seeing that enough to not be at least slightly creeped out. It's like a symbol of all of Faye's bad decisions.

Which really ought to make him feel better about his.]

You've got some good taste.

[luckyvalentine]

[it still creeps her out a little. But she still goes scrambling after the snake, and misses as it goes slithering under the couch]

Oh, just shut up.

[this is embarrassing.]

[gottaknockhard]

[Spike doesn't respond until he's watched her slither away. This should be funnier than it is.]

Fine. [-- Of course, he's still going to stick around to watch. He sits back down in the chair and makes himself comfortable.]

[luckyvalentine]

[she shoots him a not-so-friendly look over her shoulder while she tries to reach under the couch and grab the snake]

...Weren't you leaving?

[gottaknockhard]

[He puts his feet up on the table, almost missing that.]

Something got in the way.