07 | down the river with a butz | action&dictated

[thebutz]

So I'm sitting in a canoe but I don't know how to canoe.

This was a really stupid idea.

[If you go to the river, you might find him sitting in a boat with a paddle across his lap and his soaking wet journal on the floor of the boat in front of him, pouting. Because clearly it's very difficult to canoe.]

Can anyone come rescue me? I seriously don't think I'm gonna make it back to be honest with you. I'm getting sort of worried here...

Comments

dictated

[takethat]

Larry.

...can't you swim?

[thebutz]

No! Can't you?

...wait a minute...

Maybe! I mean yes! But I'm trying to CANOE, not swim, so what about it?

[takethat]

Can't you just swim to shore?

[thebutz]

No! I'm in a canoe! You just don't understand the situation!

[takethat]

...









Get out of the canoe, get into the water, and swim.

[thebutz]

But I'm using the freaking canoe right now trying to learn how to canoe, so I need to stay in the canoe or I won't learn anything!

[takethat]

This... begs the question... how did you get out there in the first place if you can't canoe?

[thebutz]

By canoeing! I guess??? Or floating... Man, when I put the paddle in the water and I paddle I just go in circles and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.

[stalkershiki]

...How did you get out there if you don't know how to canoe?

[triumph]

[Cassie stares at the journal with a sort of incredulity. This guy is never going to survive outside of camp if he can't even manage a canoe.

But briefly after, she flies to the river to find him. If he looks up, he'll see a blonde teenager floating mid-air, slowly drifting down to approach him.]

Are you the guy who can't canoe?

[Is that even a verb?]

Dictated

[ruined_jaw]

Paddle on both sides of the canoe, not just one if you're by yourself. A good technique to use is to paddle twice on one side, then switch over to the other side quick and do the same. It'll help you pick up some speed. Obviously, if you wanna turn, paddle on the opposite side of the direction you wanna turn.

Dictated forever

[whichwayyoulean]

...Wow.

You know, I always heard that some people were just too dumb to live, but I never thought I'd experience it first hand.

[takethat]

Hopefully, someone else can offer you some insight, because really... I've never been in a canoe in my life.

[Though he'd love to be a fly on the wall, so to speak, to see this scene.]

[thebutz]

Why don't you come here and help??

[thebutz]

I kind of floated I guess...

[takethat]

Because I can't swim and I sure as heck can't canoe out to rescue you!

[thebutz]

Yes... Are you an angel?!

[He just stares, his canoeing worries forgotten.]

[thebutz]

Thank you! Finally someone gives me some real instructions!

[You can hear some splashing noises as he tries to get it figured out]

...freaking...

I still don't get it... I'm still just going in circles, what the heck am I doing wrong?

[Oh wait.]

...oh, okay... I missed the two sides part...

[thebutz]

I always heard that some people were just assholes, but I never thought I'd experience it firsthand... Do you make it your life goal to be a jerk to me?

[thebutz]

Why can't you canoe out? Come on, man...

[whichwayyoulean]

Naaaaaah, I've already got my own life goals. This is just a hobby.

[takethat]

No! I'm not doing it!

[triumph]

[Cassie raises an eyebrow, but she continues drifting down, stopping just above the canoe.]

No... just a demigoddess. Do you still need help, or do you just wanna gawk?

[stalkershiki]

But... I mean, did you not think about how you would then get back?

[The idea that a grown man like Larry didn't even think about something like that is just one that she has major problems accepting. It kind of hurts her soul.]

[thebutz]

Do it!!