07 | down the river with a butz | action&dictated

[thebutz]

So I'm sitting in a canoe but I don't know how to canoe.

This was a really stupid idea.

[If you go to the river, you might find him sitting in a boat with a paddle across his lap and his soaking wet journal on the floor of the boat in front of him, pouting. Because clearly it's very difficult to canoe.]

Can anyone come rescue me? I seriously don't think I'm gonna make it back to be honest with you. I'm getting sort of worried here...

Comments

dictated

[takethat]

Larry.

...can't you swim?

[thebutz]

No! Can't you?

...wait a minute...

Maybe! I mean yes! But I'm trying to CANOE, not swim, so what about it?

[takethat]

Can't you just swim to shore?

[thebutz]

No! I'm in a canoe! You just don't understand the situation!

[takethat]

...









Get out of the canoe, get into the water, and swim.

[thebutz]

But I'm using the freaking canoe right now trying to learn how to canoe, so I need to stay in the canoe or I won't learn anything!

[stalkershiki]

...How did you get out there if you don't know how to canoe?

[thebutz]

I kind of floated I guess...

[stalkershiki]

But... I mean, did you not think about how you would then get back?

[The idea that a grown man like Larry didn't even think about something like that is just one that she has major problems accepting. It kind of hurts her soul.]

[thebutz]

[Larry is only a grown man physically.]

I thought I would float! Back!

[stalkershiki]

[...Oh.]

...Oh.

Do you want help getting back? Well, I mean, you already asked for help, but... where, exactly, are you?

[thebutz]

Uh... It's a river and there's some trees...?

[He doesn't know, in other words.]

[triumph]

[Cassie stares at the journal with a sort of incredulity. This guy is never going to survive outside of camp if he can't even manage a canoe.

But briefly after, she flies to the river to find him. If he looks up, he'll see a blonde teenager floating mid-air, slowly drifting down to approach him.]

Are you the guy who can't canoe?

[Is that even a verb?]

[thebutz]

Yes... Are you an angel?!

[He just stares, his canoeing worries forgotten.]

[triumph]

[Cassie raises an eyebrow, but she continues drifting down, stopping just above the canoe.]

No... just a demigoddess. Do you still need help, or do you just wanna gawk?

[thebutz]

Uh...

I guess...?

[Which one is it?! He doesn't even know...]

[triumph]

[She closes her eyes for a second, just to resist the urge to tip the canoe. Temper, Cassie, temper. We were working on this, no?]

Well, keep your paws to yourself and I don't care.

[She goes as low as she can without getting wet, but given how close the canoe is to water, she still needs to bend over considerably to grab the hull of the boat. She pulls her lariat from her belt and ties it to the canoe's docking rings to make it easier to pull.]

[thebutz]

Thanks, beautiful...

[He tries to put on his best sexy pose/face as she pulls him to shore. Way to go, Larry...]

Dictated

[ruined_jaw]

Paddle on both sides of the canoe, not just one if you're by yourself. A good technique to use is to paddle twice on one side, then switch over to the other side quick and do the same. It'll help you pick up some speed. Obviously, if you wanna turn, paddle on the opposite side of the direction you wanna turn.

[thebutz]

Thank you! Finally someone gives me some real instructions!

[You can hear some splashing noises as he tries to get it figured out]

...freaking...

I still don't get it... I'm still just going in circles, what the heck am I doing wrong?

[Oh wait.]

...oh, okay... I missed the two sides part...

Dictated forever

[whichwayyoulean]

...Wow.

You know, I always heard that some people were just too dumb to live, but I never thought I'd experience it first hand.

[thebutz]

I always heard that some people were just assholes, but I never thought I'd experience it firsthand... Do you make it your life goal to be a jerk to me?

[whichwayyoulean]

Naaaaaah, I've already got my own life goals. This is just a hobby.

[thebutz]

Right... How about you kindly leave me alone and stop insulting me now?

[whichwayyoulean]

Okay, but be sure I'll be around the next time you say something stupid over the journals.