paradisa | [Dictated]

Entry tags:

kenzi

[Dictated]

[There's the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat, then a deep breath is taken.]

Attention Paradisa residents. I'd like to bring your attention to a possible transaction. A trade of talent for cold, hard, cash. I have in my possession for the next three weeks, the services of one used to be car, but now totally human dude. He'd make a great butler-for-a-day, as well as being able to get any kinks in your neck out. We'll keep the, uh, services clean, people, so don't make me kick you in the junk.

He whines and moans a lot, but I'm totally cool with you muzzling him for the duration of your purchase.

Starting bid is twenty dollars per hour with a minimum of two hours. Any takers?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm sorry, I'm sorry... [He was still laughing, covering his mouth with his hand now to try to contain it] I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the idea that I would seriously want to run away with a convertible! [It felt good to laugh. He really needed to try that more often. But. He must be serious now. He pulled himself together, putting on a serious face. It lasted for a few seconds, then he started laughing again]

I'm sorry!

[All right, time to really control himself, because she'd said something that caught his attention]

Wait. You think I don't like you?

Yes?

[She wasn't amused by his laughing, which sounded a lot like he was just having a good laugh at the dumb human's expense. And she was getting pretty tired of being thought of as just the dumb human.]

[Good heavens, Kenzi. So far away from the truth and coming out the other side]

You're wrong. [He stood up, suddenly agitated and upset himself, so much so that he started pacing, before whirling to face her, finger pointed right at her] You're so wrong you couldn't see the truth if it was staring you right in the face, that's how wrong you are!

[Whoa, when did HE suddenly get to be mad at her. For no reason, she might add]

Excuse me? What the hell are you talking about?

[He stood in front of her, running his hand down his face, shaking his head, and thinking what a ridiculous picture he was making]

You think that I don't like you? That's rich, Kenzi. After what you've done here today? Really rich. You're lucky that I still like you.

What I did today? You're the one being a giant douchenozzle.

[It was her turn to stand, pushing him back and glaring up at him, wishing she had an extra few inches.]

You... you... boy!

[What the hell was a 'douchenozzle'? Nothing good, from the sounds of it]

ME? You're trying to sell my services! Look at me, Kenzi! [He gestured down at himself exaggeratedly] You make me parade around nearly naked for your amusement! And you're worried that I don't like you? I don't even know what you're talking about most of the time!

[That... GIRL! That infuriating woman!]

At least I put a disclaimer on what kind of services they could purchase! I'm not exactly selling you into slave labor. Besides, you're the one that says you want to do something. Maybe you'll find a job you want to keep full time, huh? You ever think of that? HUH?!

[She had to look down when he did that, agitated at herself as soon as she did]

Yeah? Well, you're not a trained monkey, Kitt. You could say no. That you don't sort of begs that you like showing yourself off like that. So hah!

[Goddamn mouthy little--]

Oh, how generous of you! Thank you so much, Kenzi... Kenzi! [He didn't know her last name. Why didn't he know her last name?]

Maybe I do want to do something! Of course I've thought of that! What does that have to do with anything?

[He was itching to grab her upper arms, to stop her, to make her listen. Instead, he counted to ten, taking deep, calming breaths]

I have been a human for what, Kenzi? Four days? Five days? I was an AI for four years. Despite the 'intelligence' part of that acronym, my programming was very specific - I serve humans, following the tenets of the Three Laws. Free will did not exist for me. Do you really think that a few days of being human will overcome years of programming? Really?

Was being a giant dick in your programming? Because if not, you sure got over that boundary pretty quickly.

[The worse part was, she knew he was right, but... he was just so goddamn smug about it, she wasn't willing to concede the point]

Because shut up, that's why. You with your face and your hands, you don't get to... you just... [And then came a strangled shriek of frustration]

[Really?]

Being a giant 'dick', as you so classily put it, apparently IS my programming! [He folded his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable]

FINE. Everyone else tells me to shut up, why not you too? And by the way? I didn't ask to have a face or hands! [He threw his hands into the air, angry, frustrated, and confused]

Your programming sucks!

[She continued to glare at him, poking him in the chest]

No, of course not. You just sit there and give people puppy eyes until the cave and do whatever you want.

Maybe it does! [So... THERE!]

[Ow. Ow. Ow. He stood there and took it]

Do you even listen to yourself? My puppy eyes? Getting what I want? Does that even sound right?

Yes it does!

[She shoved him this time, angry, frustrated, confused and just... far too many emotions to figure out properly]

You're right. It 'sucks'. [He nodded in agreement, because why the hell not, right?]

Don't you shove me! [This time he did grab her arm, absolutely livid, squeezing maybe a little too hard]

Don't you grab me. [She hissed up at him, feeling herself pressed far too close to him, a fact that had everything that was already tangled up inside her tangling more.]

Why not? Afraid the diva might rub off? [He was staring straight at her, practically growling the words, so angry. How did she always manage to do this to him, get the better of his emotions like this?]

You only wish, you jerkwad. [She tugged on her arm, still glaring up at him.]

Your divaness is all on you and your 'tude.

[He wasn't letting go]

Solution. I move out. Never have to see me or deal with me again. Sound like a plan?

You'd like that, wouldn't you? Run off and go play with all the other AI's and leave the stupid human to go off and be stupid and human!

[Okay, maybe there was a bit of pent up anger regarding her status among her friends]

I don't even know any other AIs! [Now he was just shouting at her, because hadn't she been listening at all?]

I never said humans were stupid! All of my friends are human! Every single one of them! My best friend is a human! My mother is a human! I admire humans! I will lay down my life for a human! [Squeezing her arm]

Yeah, well, you can, because they're here. And once you meet them, you'll just go off and have a big ol' AI funfest.

It's different here! [She yelled back, then winced as he squeezed her arm again - too hard]

What about you? There are trolls and people who know about supernatural things here, too! You could go off and be with them! [That was telling her!]

How is it different? [He didn't realize it. So. Angry]

They're not my best friend! [Teeth clenched together, she yanked at her arm again, pushing at him]

Because there weren't others like you back home, you jerk! Here, there are.

My best friend isn't here either! What happened to adapting? [He finally noticed he might be hurting her, and let her go, slightly contrite, but not enough to overpower his anger]

What difference does that make? Why do you even care? [He was practically roaring at her now]

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