02

[shenunigans]

RAPS

christmas more like shitmas
jingle butts
this aint right
i sell christmas and christmas accessories
cant think of a single fucking thing
i swear to god if they took my god damn ability to drop beats
damn it



[Now wait for the delay as Dave realises he's written all of this in the wrong journal...]

you know who has the plushest rump


santa

Comments

[brohoof]

That.

Is the holliest, jolliest, plushest rump that I ever did god damn see.

[shenunigans]

like a bowl full of jelly

[Kill him.]

[brohoof]

No.
I daresay dat ass has at least five bowls of jelly in each jiggling cheek.

[shenunigans]

i dont think anyone is ready for that jelly
not even miss santa

[brohoof]

No, I don't think she's ready for it at all.
Mr. and Mrs. Claus have to sleep in separate beds.
When he plops his jelly ass down, she tends to go sailing through the roof from the sheer force of it.
After a few years, she got tired of it.

[shenunigans]

christmas just got a little deeper man
deeper than the ocean
deeper than five bowls of jelly
deeper than this conversation

[brohoof]

I'm sorry Dave, but you're wrong on that one.
There's nothing deeper than this conversation.
It's literally impossible to have a deeper conversation than the one we're having right this moment.
Philosophers everywhere are shedding single tears because they only dream of having discussions that achieve the depth of this one.
This, bro, is worth-

wait for it.

Six bowls of jelly.

[rogueofheart]

[Nepeta will be a brosis and not mention the lack of rapping abilities.]

:33 < he is the guy that likes milk and cookies right?
:33 < i bet that is why he has the plushest rump

[shenunigans]

well hot damn H.A.L 9000 you just blew my fucking mind like a fat guy canon balling into a swimming pool filled with jelly
seriously my brains are just drying on the walls here

[shenunigans]

[He likes you for a reason.]

it sure is
a mans gotta keep up a nifty regime if he wants to keep packing
booty like that is something you gotta work for
wouldnt you like to smack that

[brohoof]

I went into this knowing the outcome would be exactly this.
But I have the utmost faith that your brain will make a complete recovery.
Otherwise I wouldn't have blown it as hard as I did.
Just give it time.

[cyan_maid]

Hoo hoo hoo!
I'm not sure I want to think about Santa's behind, but this is hilarious!

[dupable]

wait, are you saying that the castle might have taken away your ability to write shitty raps?
wow! and it's not even christmas yet!

[shenunigans]

cant take what i dont have egbert
theres nothing shitty about my raps yo
check it


you


mother fucker

[shenunigans]

if you need an adjective i got like five million here
admit it girl
you wanna give it a smack

yeah?
merry christmas then

[shenunigans]

youre a loose canon strider v2
but youre a damn good cop
idk man between brain freezes and a lack of fuzzy christmas apparel my brain suffering
i might need to scoop this shit in a bowl and put it in the freezer or something
cant have me losing some other precious fucking memory

[cyan_maid]

I think that if I did that, I wouldn't get any presents from him, now would I?

[rogueofheart]

:33 < i cant say that i want to smack it
:33 < but i think it would be funny if someone else did or poked it with a stick
:33 < maybe this is just me being an uninformed troll
:33 < but how does he do all the things people say he does if he is so big?
:33 < i was told that he goes down smoke chutes but those s33m purrtty narrow

[shenunigans]

i guess i thought cats had the whole smacking thing going on
especially if it jiggles like a fiesty critter
has nobody ever told you about christmas or has nobody ever told you about santa magic
cause the two pretty much go hand in fucking hand you know
are you sitting because if i have to tell the story youre gonna wanna sit down

[shenunigans]

you dont know that
hell if you hit him hard enough he might give you even more presents

[cyan_maid]

Goodness!
No, no, there will not be any hitting of Santa on MY part!

[rogueofheart]

:33 < i may have b33n told the abridged fursion
:33 < i know who santa claws is but i dont know about the magic behind him sooo
:33 < *ac sits and curls into a comfy position so she can hear the story*
:33 < *she pays close attention and her tail sways in excitement*

[psych0p0mps]

that is definitely some prime rump
who is santa though

[dupable]

ok, ok i am not actually here to tell you how shitty they are.
(they're really shitty.)
but do you seriously think the castle took away your ability to rap?

[brohoof]

It's true. I'm out of control, but there ain't no stopping me.
I'm the House of cops.
I'm just so damn good at what I do that you just fucking know better than to stop me.
If you need help scooping it up then I hear this place has ghosts.
You might be able to get them to help with that.
I imagine if they can bake, they can scoop brain goo off the floor.