paradisa | the turth it no longer thrills me

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morgana pendragon

the turth it no longer thrills me

If your greatest enemy arrived here and you had a chance to make them pay for all that they have done, knowing that their death will only be temporary, would you do it? Would you take the chance? Or would you let them live?

[ It frustrates her, not knowing what to do now that he is here. On the one hand she wants to kill him, she wants to make him suffer; for lying to her, for poisoning her, for ruining every one of her plans. (It was him! It was always him!)

Yet on the other hand... on the other hand she doesn't, some lingering feelings want to forgive him. But can she? Does she have the capacity to forgive him after everything? ]

Could you forgive them? For all the harm they have caused to befall you? For all the loss and torment?

I find myself at a cross roads with no idea where to turn, however I want to pose these questions to you Paradisa.

What would you do?

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Nor does a High Priestess. [ Which is half her problem. ]

Then why the hesitation, Morgana?

Perhaps because a part of me that once cared for him has yet to fully die.

[ She thinks that part died as instantly as she began to hate her own brother. ] Would you wish it to die?

[ For a moment she is silent, thinking over her words. ]

I do, but at the same time I do not.

Ah, are we not made of contradictions. [ She means it fondly too. ]

I hate them, Lucrezia, I hate these contradictions that fill me. They make my head spin and ache, they make unsure as to who I am supposed to be.

They are also what men fear of us, I was told. But I would not have you keep what you despise.

Yet there is no way to rid myself of them that I know of.

If you hide them away, will they disappear?

I can only hope.

Then you must try.

I will try.

Will you tell me the reason for your distress?

[ For a moment she is silent. ]

I had a friend once, I thought he was my friend but he poisoned me. I never understood why, but it was a betrayal that cut me deep. And then... our destinies, they dictated him to be my destiny and my doom. He had me living in terror, every time I saw his face [ well his "old" face. ] I thought I was about to die.

He betrayed me in so many ways, the poison he tried to kill me with has never fully left. And yet, there was a time where I cared for him deeply, I had almost loved him.

It has left me with two parts that war within me; one that wishes to kill him for all he had done to me, and another wants to spare him out of the love I almost had for him.

You must be far kinder than I, to still hold such love for one who betrayed you.

As for me, blood may be thicker than water, but hatred blinds one to all else.

Morgana of Camelot would rip the very air from his lungs, she would watch the life drain from his eyes before the crows began their feasts. [ A beat. ] Morgana of Paradisa is much kinder, she knows death has little impact here, she believes in second chances though she too rages of what has been done to her.

Kindness is repaid with kindness, blood is repaid with blood. And he has taken much blood from me.

But Paradisa has twisted them together so I cannot tell which one I must be ─ for a mixture of both leaves me with too many thoughts, too much heartache. I am torn, pulled by them both but unable to embrace either.

I would see you in peace, unburdened by such troubles and worse still be revenge left unfulfilled. [ Because she hasn't yet learned that vengeance should be patient. ]

Will forgiveness grant you peace or would vengeance?

I cannot accept forgiveness, I will never accept forgiveness.

[ Vengeance, it will always be vengeance. ]

Vengeance then. I may know more of that. [ Than forgiveness. ]

Does it taste sweeter?

[ Lucrezia hesitates. The promise of vengeance was sweetest but the outcome less so. She keeps the knife stained by Sforza's blood hidden, because she hasn't decided if she should look on it with pleasure or with fear. ]

One hopes, but such things are never so sure.

Then I shall sup the hope of vengeance, never to entertain the possibility it be forever from my grasp.

Edited 2013-02-25 01:14 (UTC)

Would you share with me this one who dares trouble you so?

You are the a friend most precious, I would share for the love I bare you and to lessen to burden on a heavy heart.