Wonder-F'ing Land : Dictated

[originalcopy]

Hey...  has anyone figured out a way out of this place yet?   Is anyone trying?

And if not, maybe at least a clue as to what the hell is going on...

Are any of you guys here too or am I just extra lucky to be on my own?
Do you mind if I ask you some questions... there's something that's been bugging me. 
I know right now may not be the best time, seeing as I'm stuck wandering around in this goofy as shit place.    But I have no idea how long I'm stuck here,  so I guess it seems as good a time as any.
 

Comments

[originalcopy]

Pfft.. no.

[encryptedlock]

[Worst AI ever.]

Well, you should be able to activate it anyway. If you can't figure it out, I'll have Delta show you when you get back.

[originalcopy]

[of all time]

Let's see here.... um, hmm... no, no... ah ha!

Well, look at that. Motion tracker and a compass too.

Why didn't they cover this shit in basic? And what else am I missing?

[encryptedlock]

I'm pretty sure they did cover it in Basic. The question is, how much of Basic do you actually remember?

[Probably nothing.]

Hard to say what you're missing, [besides all your shots all the time] but I can throw together a tutorial if you come up against anything you're not comfortable using?

[originalcopy]

I remember basic just fine thanks!

[no, he really doesn't.]

No one at the canyon had anything like that. That would have made shit so much easier!

[encryptedlock]

Uh-huh. [His disbelief, let him show you it.]

But, Church. You had it all along or you wouldn't have been able to access it just now.

[originalcopy]

No, I mean none of us knew about it.

[if he had eyes he'd be rolling them right now]

Hell, Caboose was lucky he knew how to put his armor on.

[not mentioning the time he and Tucker accidentally reset Caboose's armor.]

[encryptedlock]

You know, I'm not even really sure he did. I don't know if he ever took it off at all.

[Because, well. Caboose.]

[originalcopy]

[chuckles]
Not all at once.

You know how you're always supposed to have your armor "at the ready".

He took that pretty literally.

Thought he'd get in trouble if he ever got all of it off at once.

[encryptedlock]

You know, somehow I believe that perfectly well. Saying he's an idiot is an insult to the rest of the idiots in the world.

You making any progress through that place?

[originalcopy]

He's like the king of the idiots... if by king you mean the most fucktarded of the bunch.

Yeah, I think so.

I'm hoping to find my way back to the mirror. Maybe I can find a way back from there?

[encryptedlock]

He sure is special, all right. Very special.

Hmm. You said it sucked you in, right? Maybe if you find another mirror there it'll do the same.

[originalcopy]

Man, I wonder how many people he's killed at his new base. Those poor bastards.

I guess it's worth a shot.
Where would I find a mirror big enough to... Hmm...

[duh at the Castle. York's gonna' shit a brick. You can almost hear the smirk.]

[encryptedlock]

And I'm sure he didn't mean any of it, right? Why do you even let him have weapons?

[He knows that tone.]

Church. You're not thinking of doing anything stupid, right?

[originalcopy]

I'm sure... but you know what? He's not my fuckin' problem anymore.

[and that fact makes Church genuinely happy.]

I'm thinking that I'm going to find a mirror. You know, like you suggested.

[encryptedlock]

This place is kind of like a vacation for that, isn't it? Weird shit aside.

Okay, good. Just as long as the mirror isn't surrounded by, I don't know, scorpions and electroshocks.

[originalcopy]

Don't really think that's going to be a problem.

As messed up as this place is, it all seems pretty harmless so far.

[encryptedlock]

Okay, good. Just remember to, I don't know, swing a plaid carnation at anything that threatens you.

[Okay so he doesn't really know the rules of that place, but still.]

[originalcopy]

[laugh]

Well there were these white roses that were partially painted red.

And shall I check to make sure my shoes are tied and that I have a sweater, just in case it gets cold?

[Seriously man, he's having a hard time staying properly pissed at all the mothering.
Still, he's going to keep sounding like it's pissing him off. Can't let York think Church might not consider him a total asshole.]

[encryptedlock]

[Hey, he can't help feeling responsible for the guy. Probably comes from the fact that his memories of the Alpha are his loss.]

And don't forget to pack a lunch!

[originalcopy]

God Damnit!

[exaggerated ire is exaggerated.]

[encryptedlock]

[York just chuckles.]

You forgot, didn't you?

[originalcopy]

I just couldn't choose between the peanut butter and jelly or the filet mignon... for fucks sake!

[grumble grumble]

[encryptedlock]

I know, I know, one of the hardest choices a growing young man is faced with.

Tell you what, you make it back here and I'll cook both of them for you.

[originalcopy]

Don't I wish... god damn man, I don't even remember the last time I ate real food.

[He'll have to ask Harper if his new body will be able to eat. Or better yet get drunk. That would be awesome.]