Wonder-F'ing Land : Dictated

[originalcopy]

Hey...  has anyone figured out a way out of this place yet?   Is anyone trying?

And if not, maybe at least a clue as to what the hell is going on...

Are any of you guys here too or am I just extra lucky to be on my own?
Do you mind if I ask you some questions... there's something that's been bugging me. 
I know right now may not be the best time, seeing as I'm stuck wandering around in this goofy as shit place.    But I have no idea how long I'm stuck here,  so I guess it seems as good a time as any.
 

Comments

Church

[dontpatr0nizeme]

I learned to not play with fire like that, Church.

What do you want to know? I can give you a lot of answers, depending on the questions. And there's a lot you don't know, that you have every right to know.

Wash

[originalcopy]

Hey, I was minding my own business... now I'm wherever this is.

Anyway.

Why are you and York the only ones that know anything about the Blue and Red Armies?

Church

[dontpatr0nizeme]

Sure you were.

As for why the others don't know? Do you want the truth? Because trust me when I say it's not going to be easy.

Wash ad infinitum

[originalcopy]

I was... you know what, fuck it.. whatever.

And I dated Tex. I know all about "not easy".

[if it had just been Carolina and South, or just the Spartans he could have brushed it off. But when North showed up that was the last straw. He may not be patriotic, but he feels like he deserves some God-damn recognition.]

[dontpatr0nizeme]

Church, the reason they don't know? Is because those armies aren't real.

The red and blue armies are used for simulations.

[originalcopy]

...

...what?

[there's that creeping dread squirming in the back of his mind. Something in the world is about to go _wrong_. What was it Tucker had said way back then... about Vic...

[dontpatr0nizeme]

I'm sorry, Church, but it's true.

Blood Gulch was nothing more than a Freelancer run training facility.

[originalcopy]

No...

...No fuckin' way

[Holy Shit... Tucker was right. For once in his life, that son of a bitch got something right!]

Freelancer run?

[dontpatr0nizeme]

Yes. I'm serious, Church.

And it's definitely Freelancer run, but your canyon was different. The other Freelancers don't know because of timeline issues. I know because I come from your future.

And York knows because of other simulation troopers here in the past, including you.

[originalcopy]

...

So what... everyone at Sidewinder was killed so Tex could get some fuckin' target practice?

...

I DIED for NOTHING! FUCK!

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

It was bad enough when it was at least an accident in a war that meant something...

Son of a bitch!

[dontpatr0nizeme]

The Director of the project wasn't known for being a good person... Any number of deaths were fine, as long as he got results.

But Church, I need to tell you something. You aren't dead at all. You just aren't human. Neither was Tex.

I know you're not going to believe me, we had this talk already at home.

[originalcopy]

...

No no no... this wasn't happening. He felt like he was hyperventilating, can ghosts hyperventilate? Shit! It was this place. That must be it... it's all fucked up, it must be messing with the journal messages. Screwing them up. Somehow, that made perfect sense. Right... ]

[dontpatr0nizeme]

I'm going to leave it at that. I know you need time to digest the information.

Church

[encryptedlock]

Yeah, I don't touch strange things that show up in the castle without good reason.

Course, if you need help, I could go in for a rescue mission.

York

[originalcopy]

I didn't touch anything... it sucks you in if you get anywhere near it.

And I'm not some fuckin' damsel in distress. I don't need a rescue mission...

... at least not yet.

So far this place is just really really annoying.

Church

[encryptedlock]

Okay, that's a little better, then. I mean, you should know better than to touch weird things.

Yeah, it seems kind of like the whole place is smoking opium? Should remind you of some training missions from back home.

York (ad infinitum)

[originalcopy]

Yeah... after years of dealing with Caboose, this place almost makes sense.

[Is it sad that he half expects Tucker to jump out of someplace to make a comment about "touching weird things".]

Church forever

[encryptedlock]

[Bow chicka bow wow?]

Kind of sad, really. But hey, at least training prepared us for something in life, right?

[originalcopy]

Hooka smoking caterpillars?

Yeah, boy am I glad I had all that training.

[laughs]

I'd sure be lost without it.

[encryptedlock]

--What, seriously? I was joking about the smoking opium part.

[originalcopy]

I shit you not... giant fuckin' catapillar.

With a hooka... sitting on a trippy as balls mushroom.

[encryptedlock]

All right, I admit that one's outside the scope of my training.

Oh, and I heard something about a queen yelling "off with their heads"? You staying away from court?

[originalcopy]

Yes mother... I'm stuck somewhere in the woods. Must have made a wrong turn in the hedge maze.

I fuckin' hate mazes.

[encryptedlock]

[York snickers. Come on, someone has to be team mom.]

Does your motion tracker work? You should be able to set a waypoint for north and just follow that out. Unless physics are screwed up in there, too.

[originalcopy]

What... we have motion trackers?

Why didn't anyone mention this sooner?