Journal the Fourth

[theabjectauthor]

[the journal picks up the sounds of rustling, creaking, and other hubbub - a phrase which here means hustle and bustle. Lemony is in the process of packing himself a trunk, and dictating as he does so]

My dear residents ... [ahem]

I do apologize for dictating to you thus, rather than my usual written discourse, but I have something to prepare for, and I have lost quite a bit of my preparation time due to having been - [cough.] - terribly transmogrified into a cantankerous caterpillar for the last few days. While I appreciate a literary allusion as much as the next well-read, open-minded individual, I must admit that sitting on mushrooms for such an extended period was neither a comfortable nor recommended pastime.

[cough cough] And neither, of course, is the constant inhalation of mood or mind-altering stimulants, no matter how harmless they may be in a nonsensical situation. I certainly hope that I did not form any lasting first impressions on any of you during that time. While I do enjoy the occasional dose of nicotine, I am hardly such a wanton imbiber under normal - [COUGH.] - circumstances. ... Good heavens. Castle, might I have another pitcher of lemon water? ... Thank you.

[there's a pause as he takes a sip] That being said, I hope that some of you found enjoyable circumstances in recent days, and that no one was terribly injured by that terrible, manxome creature.

[general reparations having been made, he sets to folding up the laundry he'll be taking along, and starts in on the bevy of filters he's been intending to make for a short while now]

[Kalinda]

I have not heard from you recently ... I hope you've been well?

[Jane Crocker]

When would you like to have that cooking lesson in the kitchen?

[Dr. Gregory House]

Sir, I apologize for contacting you out of the blue, but may I have a word?

[Spike]

I have located that book on knids, if you are still interested!

[/Filters]

Comments

Mr. Snicket

[kalinda]

I have. [That sure is a lot less words. What are you going to do about it?] And you?

Kalinda, to end

[theabjectauthor]

Aside from the aforementioned incident, yes, I have. Well - as well as a caterpillar could be assumed to be, I suppose. I was content enough, in my own right and in my own mind, even if I was not entirely in both at once. Were you affected by any of the proceedings?

[kalinda]

No, I've learned my lesson about weird things in the lobby. And mirrors.

This guy...

[gottaknockhard]

[... Well, that was more words than Spike has used in a year. Maybe two. At least admitting to using drugs gives him an excuse.

The only reason Spike replies is to point out the flaw in the journal's system. Just in case he's got more where that came from.]

What the hell is a knid?

Spike

[theabjectauthor]

... Your voice has changed. Are you quite alright?

[deductiongeek]

Ah. I was wondering if the caterpillar was another of the residents here.

[theabjectauthor]

I was, indeed, and still am - though I am, obviously, no longer a caterpillar. ... You were the young detective, correct? I believe I owe you particular apologies for my bluntness.

[waterproofed]

[yeah Percy didn't understand most of that] I was a centaur.

snerk.

[theabjectauthor]

How very fitting, all things considered. ... Did you enjoy it while it lasted? At least, as far as one can enjoy not being one's self?

Mr. Snicket

[cyan_maid]

Oh gosh, you don't sound too good! Are you alright?

[As for that question-] Whenever you're feeling up to it, I can come down to learn. I wouldn't want you overexerting yourself for my sake!

Jane

[theabjectauthor]

I'm quite alright - well, I will be, once I've had something more to drink. I simply inhaled a bit too much smoke over the last few days.

Perhaps later this week, to be safe? Though my condition is not contagious, it is neither sanitary nor polite for a chef to be coughing constantly into the ingredients or upon his pupil.

Lemony

[huffythedragon]

Oh man, yes please! Thank you, I'd love to read it.

Spike

[theabjectauthor]

You're very welcome! Shall I bring it to you?

Dictated

[tapshoetomove]

...You were the Caterpillar? Gosh, I bet that wasn't a very pleasant experience.

[theabjectauthor]

It had its moments, surprisingly. The forest itself was quite peaceful, even if a bit strange. And as I was not quite myself, I did not have the time or the inclination to worry about things being different from what they were meant to be.

[heal_theworld]

...You got trapped in that world too? I didn't see you while I was there. And I most definitely did not see a giant caterpillar.

[theabjectauthor]

Ah, Martel! It's good to hear your voice again. [she can probably hear the smile]

You likely did not see me, if you were still your usual size. I was a caterpillar of proper, ordinary height, though there were food and drink in my vicinity that could allow others to grow and shrink accordingly.

[bronwe]

The occasional dose, Mr. Snicket, might I offer a puff for a later date?

[theabjectauthor]

It would depend somewhat on the nature of the herbs, I should think, Mr. Baggins, but I will tentatively accept.

[eat_me_beat_me]

Kinda fitting that you were the caterpillar, though. [She pauses] Oh man, don't remind me. I haven't been able to smoke since I turned into a fairy.

[theabjectauthor]

How kind of you to say so. ... Still not feeling up to size, then? This is quite a lengthy loss, as they go.

[kungfuwitch]

You were the caterpillar? [Phoebe sighs and rubs a hand through her hair]

I was the Gryphon. I honestly can't say I've ever been turned into something like that before.

[theabjectauthor]

Mrs. Halliwell! What a pleasure, I hadn't realized ... and of course, I'd never had the experience of being an insect before, either. Though I must say it was an interesting one. I would have most surely been far more distressed about it if I had had any recollection of who and what I truly was, at the time.

[courageous_wit]

Preparing for another investigation, sir?

[theabjectauthor]

Of sorts - more an embassy of goodwill with the potential for investigation along the way. Do you, perhaps, know a gentleman named Allen Walker?