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xxxvi λ winter
-------- Private -------
January 28th.
In some ways, I feel as though I am a ship adrift at sea, or at least a boat lost in a maze of canals. I do not know how to navigate a relationship with a woman from the future. The customs that are difficult enough in friendship prove even more complicated now. I know how a man might dictate a relationship in my time, but Lana is entirely different. If I commanded her, she would likely just be angry with me, so I am letting her make all of the decisions… it is strange, to say the least, but there is little I can do, even if I feel I am being emasculated.
Put like that, it all sounds very dramatic, but it feels as though that is the only way I can express it. It is one thing to be friends with women from the future, that I enjoy very much, but it is somehow different to call one your "girlfriend." I am just not used to being at one woman's beck and call.
I want to be prepared for this, yet I still feel lost… but I am still determined to prove to Molotov and the rest of them that I can be with a single woman and respect her wishes.
(It would be easier, though, if I were not always consumed with... frustrations. She will not even allow me to taste her.)
And what else plagues my mind? The Borgia, of course, as always… I fear Lucrezia will sabotage my relationships, and am concerned about that Cesare has been planning. I dare not place too many thoughts to the page, lest I bring bad luck upon myself.
Then there is Tim, who is Stephanie's "ex-boyfriend" –– I have yet to meet him, but I look forward to it. A bit of sporting fun would do me good.
x
----- Cesare Borgia -----
[written]
Salute.
I'd like to invite you to dinner. Just men –– no fair ladies this time.
E. Auditore.
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Is it time for the snow to vanish into the ground yet? I hate snow. It is miserable to have to bundle oneself up like a Rossian just to go outdoors, and even more miserable to be indoors and wet in such heavy clothing.
Fuck winter, that is what I say.
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[This is a lie, he's never fucking letting this go.]
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[Yeah, she figures.]
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[Said sternly, but gently. This is a sensitive topic.]
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I don't mean to ask twenty questions, but...
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You don't have to do that. He's a freakin' cardinal, I'm sure threatening to do that or just shoving him into a wall will do the same.
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Would that stop you?
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Any big move like that could really screw up your life here, you know. It's easy for Cesare or Lucrezia to raise the alarm on the journals about you. I don't know how many people will actually pay it attention, but [Tim would fffffffffff] it's a gamble, you know? Is it worth it?
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And Lucrezia has a lot of friends.
I love you, Ezio, but this is dumb. He hasn't done anything. He keeps to himself. He's either too afraid to respond to you, or ignoring you, which is exactly what I wish you would do.
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Stephanie, if you think what I am doing is dumb, then you evidently do not understand us or our ways. I have explained to you why I must do this a thousand times. Have you forgotten what his father did?
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[She frowns, keeping her eyes on his face.]
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Cesare is just a man of the church -- he poses no threat to me as a fighter. But he will have political sway, so it is in my interest to ensure that he doesn't get any stupid ideas about continuing his father's other work. His work as a Templar, as a tyrant seeking to control and unite the Italian peninsula.
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... yeah, right.]
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Stephanie, I have been doing this for ten years. You have to trust my judgment.
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I try. I'm trying. I just know how personal it is, and how Paradisa makes you feel. You can scare him off, but he's still going to be here until he's not. That's difficult.
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