[dictated] TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!

[ol_northy]

[North is purple, South is green!]

Good afternoon everyone. This is North. You probably already know my sister, South.

Fuck you, you couldn’t let me introduce myself on my own idea?

Because I knew you were going to do it like that.

Do it like what?! [Aaaaalready missing the point.]

At least you haven’t called anybody “bitch” yet. And on that note, we have a little PSA for you guys. Now, I just got here, but I’ve noticed some things.

I’m just getting started. Anyway, yes. A lot of you are cluttering up this thing with all your asinine bullshit and no one wants to hear that shit.

What she means to say is that we thought it might be helpful to point out some common mistakes people are making when using these journals. There are some do’s and don’ts that we think will help you avoid common pitfalls. South, go ahead.

One: if you don’t mean to post it, don’t fucking post it!

Right. Accidental posting isn’t the best way to get to know people. It really makes you look... inexperienced? Well, careless, anyway.

So when you’re not using it -- secure it. Preferably under something heavy … like your mom.

Really, South?

What? I wasn’t talking to you.

Good. Alright, so moral of the story here is please keep your journal secure and safe. Which brings us to point one-point-five, same song, different verse. Lock it. If you don’t want people to see it, lock it.

Because if you don’t we have every right to tease the shit out of you.

Some people have a little more discretion, but not her. And trust me, you don’t want to give South ammunition. She likes to share.

Not in the good way. I don’t share my toys. Paws off. Point Two Fuckers: KEEP AWAY FROM LIQUIDS. Goddamn this is an annoying one.

Actually, I haven’t seen that one yet.

Trust me, it’s not pretty.

I’ll take your word for it. I’d say don’t take it to the bathroom, at that. I think it’s a given, but some people might have missed those lessons from Miss Manners.

Oh my god, and when you’re sick too! I mean, you think I want to have your contaminated snot dripping all over the place?

[He laughs.] I really hope nobody’s eating lunch.

Which we don’t want to hear about either. For the love of all that’s fucking good in this shithole, we do not need to hear your stupid life story or inane daily details.

Some people just like to share that. I’m fine with that, but as for the things I don’t want to hear about... Let’s leave the intimate details to the imagination.

[There’s a pointed silence from South for a moment, and then,] You guys know who you are.

[If only you could all see the look he’s giving her right now.] No one wants to know.

Nope. Not me.

Right. Nobody wants to know. Nobody. ...What else do we have?

That’s all I can think of. For now.

So. There we have it. Helpful hints from your friendly local Freelancers.

Ch’yeah. Friendly. Don’t come crying to me with your journal issues.

Seriously. Don’t. She won’t listen. From all of us to you, have a nice day.

Comments

Dictated!

[sandoval]

But accidental posting is a great way to meet people! It's how I met you in the first place, isn't it? [The twins can tell just from his voice that he's grinning on the other line.]

Is this the infamous twin I've heard so much about, cupcake?

Dictated!

[ol_northy]

Cupcake?

Dictated!

[i_got_this]

Yeah, it is. Feel free to call him Bear Claw or something like that.

[squartatore]

Now that you've said it, I bet there are going to be liquids spilled onto this page [because SOME PEOPLE think they are funny] -- North, was it?

[ol_northy]

I'm expecting all of the above. Maybe I'll just take a break from the journal altogether.

Agent North Dakota. Nice to meet you...?

[i_got_this]

If they do I'll just have to find them and beat them up.

-- and who the hell are you?

Dictated

[originalcopy]

What, so now you guys get to tell the rest of us how to use our journals?

Dictated

[ol_northy]

It's more like a suggestion.

Dictated

[i_got_this]

It's call common courtesy, dipshit. [Obviously something she knows nothing about.] Just thought people should get with the program.

[dictated]

[wantsiceland]

I like this! Ten out of ten.

[dictated] in perpetuity

[ol_northy]

You think so? We tried to make it amusing.

Dictated

[i_got_this]

That's what I like to hear. Who're you? I like you.

dictated;

[likethetragedy]

Good advice. I hope they listen. [Yep. That is literally all she's taking from this. She already had the manners anyways so it's okay.]

dictated;

[ol_northy]

We can only hope. But you never know. I'd put good money on someone launching a retaliatory effort.

[i_got_this]

Knowing the jerks here? I doubt it. [She's obviously not the optimist of the pair.]

dictated;

[valuedstrength]

[There's a chuckle before he speaks up.] That's one way to get the day going. Thanks for the service announcement.

Oh and nice to meet you, North.

dictated;

[ol_northy]

We few and proud from Project Freelancer try to do our best for the public. [He doesn't sound entirely serious. In fact, he sounds completely amused.]

Oh, we haven't met. Do you know South?

dictated;

[i_got_this]

Hey, no problem.

What have you been up to?

[encryptedlock]

[York's voice is still pretty lackluster, but hey, at least he's talking now. That's something, right?]

One time someone dropped their journal into the bath. Entire castle got soaked.

[ol_northy]

You're kidding.

[Nice to have you sort-of back, York.]

[i_got_this]

Damn. I'm glad I missed that one.

Filtered

How's your stash holding up?

Written

[silentrunning]

I totally agree about the liquids. And putrified drippy snot is a pain, especially after it dries and goos the pages together.

[Never mind that there'd been a time when she herself had gooed a page or two with cake icing... and repulsion gel...BUT that had been before she got pens.]

Written

[ol_northy]

I'm starting to think this is a bigger problem than I was led to believe.

Written

[i_got_this]

[Her handwriting is not as nice as her brother's.]

GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSS

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Oh really. Want to know what someone thinks of your PSA?

She loads up a paintbrush with globs of red paint and smears it across the journal.]

[ol_northy]

[Congratulations on being the first person in the entire place to make North truly annoyed. But, uh... he'll let South handle this one.]