paradisa | Twenty Nine Truffula Trees

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the once-ler

Twenty Nine Truffula Trees

[It has been some weeks since the Once-ler could play his guitar, the broken ribs he'd received during the Event Horizon mess had made it too painful. But now he's healed enough, he's making the most of it. He's sitting on his clinic bed, his journal open beside him, playing one of the many songs he's learned since arriving here. After he's finished, he lets out a satisfied sort of sigh]

I missed that. [Oh right, open journal] Any requests? I'm out of practise. I can't promise I'll know it, but I'll give it a shot.

[Lucrezia]
[He'd asked for time, and it's what she has given him. He can't fault her for that, so:]

I've still got your birthday gift to play for you, you know.

[Alvin and Blues]
I don't know about you guys, but I think we should give our car a test run. And a name, probably. But given my love for lisping syllables, someone else should probably do that.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[See sees that of course, but doesn't comment on it. Oh Once, one day you won't hate yourself and it'll be awesome.]

Figured, good way... to start walk.

[The self loathing runs deep in this one, Cass. So deep. Once he makes sure the tree has enough water, he stands back]

You're absolutely right. Couldn't have figured out a better way to start it myself.

[She takes the watering can back and sets it down, assuming he'd probably like both hands for his crutches.]

Where should we go? Haven't really... explored much, yet.

You know, I've lived in this place over a year and I've hardly seen any of it. You know, 'cause of the whole hermiting thing. I guess it wouldn't hurt to get acquainted with what's actually around here.

Well, nothing planned for today. Okay with... getting lost for awhile. Pick direction, we'll just... see what happens.

You know, I think I can live with getting lost for a day, too. Maybe a lot of consecutive moments of getting lost, then unlost and lost again. Sounds like how wandering this castle would work.

[He takes a moment to pretend he's REALLY deliberating this. Figer on chin, thoughtful sounds the lot. Because clearly this is the most serious and important decision to make]

Let's take a left.

Left is good.

[And since she can't really hold his hand while they're walking since he needs it for the crutches, she just walks close to side while they start off.]

Where'd you learn... to play guitar?

[Curse you crutches, cuuuurse you. Still, he'll be happy with her walking close to him for now]

I taught myself. I found this beat up old guitar in the attic, and just gave it a try. I wasn't a lot of help on the farm, so I just hid in the barn and practised.

Didn't know you... lived on farm. What was it like?

Uh huh, right up until I left home to make myself famous.

[He smiles, albeit a little sadly as they walk] It was peaceful, I guess. We lived in the middle of nowhere, so I didn't really have any friends. The only other kids for miles around were my brothers and they never really liked me all that much.

But I got a lot of time to myself, so I guess there's that.

They're dumb, then. If they... didn't like you.

[When she sees that sad smile, she reaches to pat his shoulder. It's not much, but she doesn't like seeing him sad.]

Did you have Melvin, then?

They sure never saw it that way.

[His smile brightens somewhat at her touch] It's ok. I accepted a long time ago I wouldn't ever amount to anything in my family's eyes. Its just one of those things.

I did. I've had him since I was really young.

[And now she frowns.]

I don't... like your family. At all.

[His smile fades again. He's heard this time and time again, and he knows, he knows that his family are awful people, that they've wronged him in so many ways...and yet he still can't bring himself to hate them for it. They're still his family, no matter what hell they've put him through. His friend on the other hand...]

That seems to be a universal opinion amongst my friends. [He casts his gaze downwards] My mom's here at the castle, y'know? Not that I ever see her. [She never visited him in the clinic, not once] I hoped that maybe things could be different here. That we could have a fresh start and I could spend time with her again, before I go back to a home where she's disowned me and left me to rot alone.

[He gives a soft, self-deprecating snort] Goes to show what hope does for you. You'd have thought I'd have learned my lesson by now.

[He pauses, clearing his throat] Sorry, you didn't come here to hear all my family troubles.

Edited 2013-06-14 22:49 (UTC)

[She recognizes that body language because she's seen it before, in herself. She knows how it feels to want your parents to love you and knowing it will never happen the way you want it to.]

Don't apologize.

[She moves to stand in front of him, forcing him to stop, and then wraps her arms around him in a tight hug.]

Not your fault. It's not... your fault, she can't love right. Not about... learning lesson, second chances. Don't feel bad... for hoping, for her love.

[He does stop, but he allows the hug. He always would, in her case. It takes him a moment before he bends as best he can to return it. A part of him had always blamed himself, after all, his family were more than quick enough to lay the blame on him. He wasn't smart enough, wasn't strong enough, wasn't GOOD enough. He makes a soft sound that's almost a chuckle but not quite]

It's crazy. I never knew what it was like to have people who cared about me...just for being me until I came here. Where just me being me was enough.

[He even feels comfortable telling her that, something he keeps only for the most trusted of his circle. That honestly, deep deep down even with the hermiting and the cynisim and the less than flowery attitude, all he really wants is to be accepted for who he is by someone. By anyone. He gives her a gentle squeeze]

Thank you.

I had... the same thing.

[She's never really talked about herself with him before, not really. It's difficult most of the time, she doesn't want to take away from his pain by trying to overshadow it with her own past. But now, she just wants him to know he isn't alone.]

Father used me... like tool. [Better to leave what kind of tool out, for now.] Didn't even give name. But... as bad as he is, as... bad as he treated me, still loved him. Still saw... his version, of love.

Can't help it, loving parents. It's just... what you do.

He didn't even name you?

[He thought having 'Once-ler' as a name was harsh enough, but to not be given one at all... Still, he feels touched that she's told him this, it can't be easy, hell, he knows it isn't. Admitting to anyone you still love the people who hurt you so badly]

I think we do it because for so long they're the only people we could love. Or the people we desperately wanted to love us back anyway.

[He lets out a slow breath, not quite willing to let her go yet] I... thanks for telling me. For trusting me with that, I mean.

No. Didn't teach talking, either.

[No matter how hard she tries, though, she can't remember where the name came from. It must have been Bruce, she can see him picking the name of someone who saw the future to be her name, too.

And it's good he doesn't want to let go because she's showing absolutely no signs of doing it first.]

We just... have to remember, we're worth loving. Worth... people caring, about us.

If it's any consolation, you do amazing for someone who was never taught it. Is that how you learned to read people?

I guess we do. Even when it's really hard to.

[That's been the big roadblock for him in admitting his own feelings to her. That he doesn't deserve her. That he'd only hurt her. It comes as something of a surprise she understands that line of thinking, too. She understands, she's lived it, too. That knowledge does nothing to detract his feelings for her, quite the opposite, in fact. A part of his desperately wants to tell her, right her and now, that she is worth people caring about her, she is worth loving, that he-

But the fear is still there, and it's a difficult beast to slay. He settles instead for rubbing her back gently, shutting away that voice telling him to just kiss her or SOMETHING]

But we are.

[She could do it now. She could tell him that she was bred the same way that Melvin was, the strengths of two people put together to make the most efficient killing machine possible. A weapon that didn't know how to do anything except fight and kill what she was told to kill. It would be easy to do it now, there's an opening and everything. She could tell him. She should tell him.

But she doesn't.]

Psychic puts words in, last year. Made me... understand talking. [She shrugs, concentrating on the soothing feeling of his hand on her back.] Still can't read, though.

Just a year? [He chuckles softly] Wow, you never fail to impress me, y'know? How quick you are to learn, how smart you are.

[Oh. But that's treading dangerous territory, admitting one set of feelings can easily lead to another. So, he clears his throat and pulls back a little, so he can at least smile at her, not willing to let go completely just yet]

And as for that, we can work on that.

[When he smiles at her after all of that, she can't help but smile back. It's good that he can smile after having to talk about his family.]

Doing my best. It's hard, though. So many better things... to be doing. Learning reading's boring.

[Better to smile about it than let them make him cry. He's done giving those people his heartbreak. His smile widens a touch]

Well, we've just gotta find a way to make it less boring. Maybe make a game out of it or something, so it's a fun thing and less of a chore.

[Well, that gets an amused look from her. She's also staying close to him, hasn't thought to back up and start walking again.]

What kind of game?

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