Thirty Three Truffula Trees

[whichwayyoulean]

[Later tonight, one may find the peace of their evening disturbed by a horrible screeching sound permeating the journals. As if metal is meeting metal in a horrible, scraping doom. Accompanying the terrible screeching is a low thudum-thudum-thudum. This continues for about a minute before the Once-ler manages to grab hold of his journal, laughing nervously into the pages]

Sooo hey. Quick FYI. You guys might want to avoid the Laundry Room until tomorrow. Not that there's anything to worry about. Mostly.

Whoaaaah just stay in that corner of the room. Oh jeez you're getting Tide everywhere.

I might have experimentally given one of he tumble dryers legs. And then I was tinkering about in the back of it, just fooling around and I miiiiight have given it a teeny tiny slither of self awareness. Like the teeniest. Hardly anything, really.

[Screeeech. Thudum-thudum-thudum]

I think it's mad.

Comments

[whichwayyoulean]

I always thought your days were filled with lounging around and occasionally sleeping with women you don't know.

[wilder]

...Wow, that didn't sound disapproving or judgmental at all.

[whichwayyoulean]

Sorry, I can say it again in a lighter tone if you like. Add a 'bucko' to the end of it.

You do what you do, you wouldn't be you if you didn't. I'm not judging.

[wilder]

I'll pass on that. [But aww that's sweet]

But anyway, believe it or not that stuff? Teeends to get boring if that's all you do. I mean, as fun as sex is.

[whichwayyoulean]

Maybe you need to get a new hobby, then.

[wilder]

Hey I teach, that can keep me busy!

[whichwayyoulean]

Wow, you've found kids who actually want to learn math?

[wilder]

Well, just one. The others I teach fighting.

[whichwayyoulean]

Ohhhhh, okay that makes a lot more sense now.

[wilder]

Yeah. For some reason the youth of this place are more into sword fighting than mathematics. Couldn't tell you why.

[whichwayyoulean]

Oh, I know, man. That's a complete and utter mystery. I'm perplexed.

[wilder]

Well I'm not surprised you're perplexed. I mean you keep using those laundry machines, even though it's clear it keeps taking your other sock.

[whichwayyoulean]

Those are just the risks you gotta take for convenience, my friend. Can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

[wilder]

Seriously?

That is a stupid proverb.

[whichwayyoulean]

No it's not, it's an entirely accurate proverb.

[wilder]

No, it's not.

Eggshells have absolutely no practical value for people, so breaking eggshells doesn't mean anything. Meanwhile having that other sock? Is very useful and losing it is a definite negative! They can't be compared as equivalents at all.

[whichwayyoulean]

Some people collect eggshells. They're called Oologists. The eggshells are useful to them.

[Then, partly to himself] Ooooologists. Who even thinks of these words?

[wilder]

...How do you know something like that?

Did you make it up?

[whichwayyoulean]

No, I read it in a book.

Seriously, man, it's a real word.

1/2

[wilder]

[a pause]

[Then he wishes for a dictionary and there's sounds of him flipping through it]

- Wow. You're not really kidding! That is a word! How about that!

[wilder]

Your proverb's still stupid though.

[whichwayyoulean]

No way, the Oologists wouldn't want broken eggshells all over the place, with people making omelettes out of their eggs.

The proverb totally holds water.

[wilder]

Oh, but how do you know they want the shell unbroken with all the insides, or just neatly broken and hollowed out?

I mean, they're eggshell collectors, not egg collectors.

[whichwayyoulean]

Okay, but there are other people who use eggshells, too. Like you can put it in your soil to help crops grow. And feed 'em to your chickens to give them calcium.

[wilder]

Really?

But isn't that like...cannibalism for the chickens?