Quest 1: A Wild Dwarf Appears! [Dictated/Action][Open to all - let me know if I messed up!!]

[fuckelves]

[Where is he? Why is there a book in his hand?]

...from the make of this place, I'd say this is Elf sorcery...

[To appease his curiosity, Thorin opens the book and finds not only his name, but the words he spoke not seconds ago written inside.]

...definitely Elf devilry.

[He tilts a brow and observes his surroundings - seems to be a lobby of some sort. Dwarves don't typically live in castles, so he knows this is not the work of his kind - and his kind would never demand the sacrifice that this castle did.]

Where in Mahal's beard am I?

Comments

[fuckelves]

Yes?

[He's unsure where her question is directed.]

Do you mean to say that Elves do not exist? [Foolishness.] Or do you mean to argue that this castle is not the work of Elves?

[dog_eat_dog]

I mean to say this shit gets more like a demented fairy tale every day. Elves. Christ.

[fuckelves]

...dare I ask more?

[He's not sure he wants to know more about this place...]

[dog_eat_dog]

I don't know. I'm in a magic castle that grants wishes and immortality and I'm bothered by elves being plausibly real.

[fuckelves]

[It suddenly occurs to him...]

Madame, you realize that I am of Durin's folk? ...that I am a Dwarf?

[dog_eat_dog]

Seriously? Why would that possibly occur to me?

[fuckelves]

[He's unaware that it's not obvious what he is. To him, anyone and everyone should know who and what he is.]

Have you no sense in your head? What else would I possibly be? I am Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain and Master of the Dwarf kingdom of Erebor!

[That's Thorin...making friends wherever he goes...]

[dog_eat_dog]

[Have an unimpressed laugh. The rude kind.]

Right. Making you king of the nerds?

[fuckelves]

[Thorin's brow furrows...he would be enraged if he knew what that word meant...but since he doesn't...]

...what is a...'nerd'?

[dog_eat_dog]

Are you fucking serious?

[fuckelves]

We possess no such word, not in the common tongue of my world nor in the language of my people, Khuzdul.

Now I ask again: What is a 'nerd'?

[There is anger in his voice, he knows he's being insulted.]

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess can't believe this guy is getting so pissed about being called a nerd. Then again, she WAS being an asshole...]

Socially inept basement-dwellers who live vicariously though that dungeons-and-dragons shit.

[fuckelves]

...

[Nope, he can tell he's not going to like her.]

I do not care for this word. Nor do I appreciate being called it, as I most certainly am not one! I know not what this "dungeons and dragons" is, but I can promise you madame that I have dealt with real dragons, I have no need to live vicariously through anything of that nature!

[dog_eat_dog]

The funny thing about "nerd" is that the more you protest it, the more you sound like one. Calm the fuck down.

[fuckelves]

[Thorin goes very quiet for several moments. He definitely doesn't like this situation.]

I assure you I am perfectly calm. The heirs of Durin are well-known for their self-control and peace of mind.

[...PSSSH THEY MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT!!]

[dog_eat_dog]

Throwing out your dragon-fighting cred doesn't sound peaceful of mind to me.

[fuckelves]

Merely pointing out that I am no ordinary combatant, should anyone or anything in the castle be foolish enough to anger me.

[dog_eat_dog]

Is calling you a "nerd" an anger-worthy comment?

[fuckelves]

....I dislike the word, but if you think you've seen me 'angry' then you are sorely mistaken.

[dog_eat_dog]

I don't give a shit about your combat skills, then.

[fuckelves]

You will when you find yourself in need of my assistance.

[...way to make friends Thorin.]

[He's not arrogant or anything of the sort...nope, not at all.]

[dog_eat_dog]

Yeah? You gonna save me from dragons, dwarf?

[fuckelves]

Dragons, Orcs and whatever else this wicked place can conjure.

That is, if I see fit to call you 'comrade' and not 'adversary.'

Though I suspect you need no protection that you could not provide yourself.

[It's just the vibe he's getting. And believe it or not he actually means this as a compliment!]

[dog_eat_dog]

I'm basically the queen of the black market. I don't need protection.

But I'm also just fucking with you. If you're a dwarf who hates elves and fights dragons, well, all the more power to you. I just don't want to smoke whatever you're smoking.

[fuckelves]

[Who wouldn't want to smoke Greenwood Weed? Fili and Kili proclaim it to be the best in all of Middle Earth!]

[...but as he thinks this, he considers that she's probably just using a turn of phrase.]

So long as you mean no physical harm, I suppose I can consider you an ally. What do you call yourself?