paradisa | 134.0

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134.0

[The castle has really got to stop with this turning York into a toy business. It's starting to get annoying.]

[Filtered away from anyone who would use this information for harm]

What the hell is everyone talking about? Did something happen? I've been, uh, out of it for a couple weeks. Anyone mind giving me a hand here?

[Carolina]

Hey. Sorry about that. You okay?

((ooc: Since the distress call was over the radio, it didn't get recorded on the journals so what expedition?))

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Ugh. [She can't fool you, can she?]

As if I'd want to go on another nausea-inducing cross-country jaunt. I've had enough of those to last me a long while.

[Hey, he has a decent bullshit meter. Not the best, but decent.]

So you don't want to see the farm where I had to be a cowboy for a week, huh? Should I at least get you a souvenir hat?

[Well okay and she wasn't being subtle, really.]

A hat sounds good. Nice solid Stetson, yeah? Something like?

You got it. And maybe a Bowie knife, since revolvers are off the menu.

Oh god yes, that'd be perfect.

[Guy's getting her a knife? And she doesn't owe him anything?] So ... you and Carolina, she still being Bitch Of The Year?

[York pauses for a moment. Is South hitting on him?]

She's trying a little harder than she was, but she's not exactly the person she used to be.

That's for sure. She actually gave a shit before. Now she's just some hypocritical bitch on a powertrip.

She's desperate, South, and she was hurt very badly. Not that that's an excuse, but it's a little bit of the reason why. I've been trying to bring her back, show she can trust people again, but--well. You can see how well that's working.

Yeah, as in it's not. Did you see the way she was ordering that 'non argumentative' meeting bullshit? Should have let her just sulk out in the dead zone.

At least then she wasn't dragging anyone down with her.

[South's feeling particularly bitter towards Carolina, since she only ever gets try harder, as if none of what she's already done actually matters.]

I don't think she even knows how to ask anymore. About anything.

[York sighs; it's been wearing down on him a lot to try and keep up with her, especially for the almost no results he seems to get.]

But nobody else seems to be trying to help, so.

[South growls in frustration. There's that damned word again. She answers fervently.]

As if it would matter. She doesn't see shit she doesn't want to admit to.

She sees it. And if she sees it often enough, she admits to it.

...I think.

[Guess what, York, you've opened the floodgates.]

She doesn't. She doesn't. You think she's noticed anything I've done? You think -- you think she's seen how I haven't wanted to beat up Wash lately or that you and I are talking? Yeah? Because all I get from her is 'you're not trying, try harder, try harder' like nothing I do is ever good enough.

I don't care what she thinks anymore, I'm done. Fuck her. She keeps saying the team is fucked but she hasn't noticed we're fine.

[York listens quietly. That's unfortunately a pretty accurate description of how Carolina's been acting recently.]

Well, it's hard to see how you haven't wanted to beat someone up lately, but I see your point. Her problem is that it's really hard for her to look beyond herself--and she's right that she is fucked up. To her that means the whole team is shot. And she doesn't give me any breaks, that's for damn sure.

I've asked myself more than once why I still bother.

So, unless she's in charge of us we're basically worthless? That's good to know.

[She falls into a defeated silence for a moment, not for the first time missing the Carolina from before who had cared about her as a person, and not some subordinate she could order around.]

Why do you?

And you know? She wouldn't be any good as a leader now anyway. She doesn't even value herself, much less care about a team.

[He's silent in response and almost doesn't answer.]

She doesn't have anyone else, South. And as far as I knew, she was dead back home. If I didn't try, I'd always have that on my conscience.

So at what point do you realize it's not worth it? How long as she been back?

[Just because you tried doesn't mean you have to keep trying forever.]

If she hadn't started responding, I would have. I did, for a little while. I mean, sometimes you do have to just let things go.

But it's not easy, and, well, she is crying out for help. She's just burned most of her bridges and doesn't have anyone else to turn to.

She's not crying out for help. She's pushing people away. All I ever got from her is I wasn't worth shit unless I did what she ordered.

[Yeah guess what bridge has been burned.]

None of what I did, what I tried to change, mattered. [It's said a little softer, because it hurt, that South had thought, had hoped maybe, that Carolina would be proud of the strides she's made in trying to change her future. If not there, then here.]

It matters, South. She just can't see past herself to give a shit about anyone else, not yet. You remember how she always used to push herself too hard to get to the top of the list? How after she wasn't at the top anymore, she cared a lot less about the team and a lot more about making--making the Director happy? This is the natural result of that.

I'm not excusing her behavior, because, frankly? It's been terrible. But you gotta believe me when I say I wouldn't be having this conversation with the psycho bitch you would have turned into who only wanted to steal my AI. There's more to you than that, and we both know it. It's not who you are, and it's not who you have to become.

I just wish she'd see it. She's part of the reason I even fucking thought I could do anything to make a difference in the first place. [It's comes out thicker and more emotional than she'd planned.]

I need a drink. You want to continue this I'll be here. [She scribbles in the address to a bar in town, which is in stumbling distance from her house. Then, she closes the journal.]

[Getting a drink the night before he wants to leave on a trip probably isn't the wisest choice, but--Carolina's not the only one crying out for help.

In about as much time as it takes to walk from the castle, there's an armored figure walking in.]

[South's not in armor, instead wearing some tight-fitting low-cut top that she uses to attract townies and a pair of cutoff jean shorts. She snorts a small laugh, seeing him in armor, and understanding now all too well why, and gives the chair next to her a little kick out to motion him to sit.]

Kinda surprised you showed up.

[Someone only has to get burned to death once to wear protection from then on. Still, he sits down and takes off his helmet.]

Well, I still have to pack for the trip so I can't stay out too late. But on the other hand, I've been stuck as a toy for a few weeks. Could use a drink.

Got it, quick and dirty.

[She waves the bartender down and orders two shots to start them off. Well, besides the beer she's already nursing.] So you're going to go play Cavalry and beat away the nasty aliens?

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action!

action forever!

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