paradisa | (Written)

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tylendel frelennye

(Written)

I haven't used my magic is sometime. I have to admit it's more painful than I imagined. (He likens it to moving a limb after an injury has mostly healed. It's safe to use his powers and he won't injure himself further if he's careful, but there's that deep-seated soreness that never goes away.) Vanyel has told me that there are other magic users around. If you have experience in being injured by magic, I would like to speak to you. I'm curious how you deal with the discomfort.

(Until he gets better answers, he is going to suck it up and bear it.)

Also, is it possible to wish for pets? Nothing too big, of course. I don't want it crowding Van out of the room. (Can you sense the amusement behind those words? He thinks the image is a little funny.) And maybe something that likes music?

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_{[ There was a pause before he wrote something again. ]}

I am ashamed to say I wasn't quite myself after you passed. She was taking care of me, her and Yfandes. It wasn't until she forced me to see her Tayledras friends that I could even begin to acknowledge her pain in the matter.

Ashke, you needn't be ashamed of that. I would have been impossible to bring around if I had lost you like you lost me. It probably would have been healthy for you to be angry at me.

(And he wouldn't have blamed him in the slightest for feeling cheated.)

If you're still angry, tell me; show me. It's okay.

I forgave you a long time ago, Tylendel. Do not seek my anger when there is none to be had.

_{[ He was beginning to think Tylendel wanted to be yelled at it for
what had happened, but Vanyel did not have it in him. Oh, he was still
upset whenever he thought about it, but he had come to terms with what
happened, and he would rather not sour their relationship, bright and new
again, with harsh words and blame. ]}

...can I see you? Now?

I have to be honest, I will comb the castle to find you. (He loves you and he needs you, Vanyel.) I don't even want to talk, so don't be worried about me saying something hurtful. I don't want to hurt you.

Of course, Tylendel.

I'm in the library, but I can go to our suite if you care.

_{[ He wondered what had brought this on, but if the other wanted to
work on his magic he thought that they should really go to Chimera and his
practice work room. ]}

Stay in the suite. I'll be there soon. (And he is on his way, pocketing his journal as he runs into the castle. Whether they work on his magic or not isn't as important as him seeing Vanyel face to face. He wipes away some of the stray tears on his cheeks and hurries to their suite. Once there, he pushes open the door and looks around expectantly.)

Van?

I'm here.

_{[ He had arrived a few minutes ago and came out of the attached
bathroom suite, drying his hands on a small towel. He was dressed simply
today in his favorite old doe-skin trousers and a long, loose purple tunic,
a silver belt knotted at his waist.}

He frowns, though, seeing the tear tracks on his lover's cheek in the light, the slight reddening at the rim of his eyes. ]

Tylendel, 'Lendel, what's wrong?

_{[ He opened his arms to him, stepping forward. ]}

(Oh he is handsome. Tylendel looks over his lover, inhaling shakily. Sometimes it's still hard for him to believe that someone as beautiful as Vanyel could love him.

He really is blessed.

Shaking his head, he contradicts his desire to be in control of himself and steps directly into Vanyel's arms. He holds his lover tightly, inhaling his soothing, familiar scent. Only after kissing a line up Vanyel's neck does he speak.)

It doesn't hurt when I'm with you.

_{[ He held him without question, stroking his hair, gently rubbing his
back to soothe the other. He shivered some at the kisses to his neck, each
little press of the other's lips like a dart of fire - but a fire he
welcomed and would gladly be burned by again and again. ]}

Your channels, you mean?

My heart, my channels... Everything. (He breathes in and out as steadily as he can, but Vanyel will always affect him. Soon, he is brushing his lips over his lover's beautiful features.) You do heal me. It's just when I have to stand on my own that I feel...weak.

_{[ Without thinking he turned his head, catching Tylendel's lips in a
sweet kiss. He did not make intense or deep. Now was not the time for the
physical comforts, as much as he enjoyed those moments with his lover.
]}

You never stand alone, Tylendel. I am here.

_{[ His thumb brushed along the soft line of his jaw, kissing him again
slowly. ]}

And you are stronger than you think, my heart.

(His eyes widen, but he is hardly going to complain. The kiss does wonders for his nerves and, for a brief moment, he relaxes utterly and returns the soft pressure.)

I love you, Van. (More than anything - more than himself.) How can you believe in me so much? How can you love me? It amazes me.

(He steps back, running a hand through his hair.) Your heart is... (There isn't even a word for it.) You say I don't have to do anything to be worthy of it or worthy of you, but I marvel at you.

You make my heart ache.

Edited 2013-09-07 05:39 (UTC)

Is there anything I do not do you, 'Lendel?

_{[ He laughed softly, but it was a gentle thing, his eyes warm. He was
not used to receiving praise like this all the time, or, that might not be
true. He had been used to it, when they had first met. Unlike the
shielding, he would not turn this away though. He only wish he had half the
words Tylendel did for what the other meant to him. ]}

But adoring words are distracting from the concern of your channels. Perhaps we should move to my private work room up in Chimera. You run less risk of hurting someone that way, though I have to say I will probably make a poor substitute for Savil.

(He turns and gives Vanyel a bright, warm smile.)

You haven't a clue what you do to me, Ashke. I thought I was doomed to be alone - because of my preference. Then you came along and turned my world upside down.

(How can he not adore him for that alone?)

I'm not looking for a substitute. I need you and...I need to be patient with myself.

_{[ He nodded, reaching out to Tylendel's hand and squeezing gently.
]}

Good, now you are talking like my 'Lendel. We should go up and get some work in then. I'm thinking we start with the small things, work you back up into feeling your way around your magic.

_{[ He paused, suddenly considering something he had not thought to ask
before. ]}

Tylendel... do you know what the Castle took from you, for coming here, I mean?

(His eyes darken a little and he kisses over Vanyel's knuckles.)

I figured it out when I heard Yfandes. I...don't remember what Gala sounded like. That's not something I would just forget. (He sighs sadly.) I can't even remember what she said or how she said it. I just know her personality and...how it ended.

(But there's nothing that can be done about that, so he quickly pulls Vanyel closer.)

It's okay. I have you and I'll get better. I might even wish for a horse, who knows?

_{[ He thought he remembered Tylendel saying that, but he had thought it
was a reaction to, well, being dead. Not that the Castle had taken her
voice from him. At least it had not taken all of her, which was nothing but
a pale comfort, he knew. But it was something, he hoped.}

He let himself be tugged in, bending to kiss to soft curls before stepping back and tugging him to leave the room, intent on starting the process of Tylendel's magic rehabilitation today. ]

You should let me see if we have unclaimed mounts and pick one for you from the stables. I have been with Yfandes a long while, but my skills as a horseman have not faded.

(He had hoped it was the shock of everything that had erased her voice - temporarily - from his mind, but after so many days and after hearing Yfandes's voice - as uneven as his MindSpeech is at the moment - he knows the truth. He likely won't recall Gala's voice until he leaves. Not that it will do him any good either way.

A soft smile follows Vanyel's easy affection and he follows his lover just as easily, squeezing his hand.)

We should go riding together. It would be a nice change of pace. (He has missed that form of exercise even if a horse could never hope to compare with a Companion.) I think I would like caring for a horse with no rider. That's a good idea, Van.

Edited 2013-09-07 08:00 (UTC)

_{[ He smiled, glad to have made his lover smile a bit, to be pleased
with something. He determined he would examine any of the free mounts today
and find Tylendel one that fit him. Yfandes would have suggestions, he
knew, and he only wished he could give him one that compared to Gala. But
he knew he could not. ]}

I would give you Star, if I could. But she's not here, and wishing for her would cost to much. But there are good mounts available and I will find you one and we will go riding. I would like that very much.

_{[ He stole a kiss to Tylendel's cheek as they climbed the stairs,
Vanyel's boots making soft padding noises as he took the stone steps, often
forgetting about the elevator, which he did not trust. ]}

(He knows how much Star means to Van. She is a good mare and he wishes she were here not for his sake, but for Van's. He would enjoy seeing her no doubt.)

I don't want you making any wishes for my sake. (He does his best to look severe, though he knows his affection for his lover is shining through.) Help me pick a horse that needs some attention. I don't mind if they're a little stubborn.

(After that last statement, he winks and grins at the kiss. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he climbs the stairs steadily. Truth be told he doesn't even know what an elevator is - no one has explained the function of one to him before.)

Ask Yfandes. I trust her judgement just as much as I trust yours.

Sometimes I trust her judgement more than my own, truth be told. I am, after all, only human.

_{[ Not that Yfandes was really a horse. They were base creatures
compared to her, though she seemed to understand horses on a level Vanyel
could not. But he suspected that was due to her shape more than anything.}

After the long climb he made it up to Chimera HQ and he lead Tylendel in past the drawing room and towards the work rooms, finding his and opening the wards before motioning his lover to follow inside. The room was fairly spartan with a simple table and chair, but then, a work worm for magic didn't need much more. In fact, in case things went wrong, it shouldn't have much more for safety. ]

Make yourself comfortable.

She has a lot more experience to draw from. (In that special way Companions get information. He had never pressed Gala to tell him much.) I don't know how they know what they know, but I'm glad they do.

(Bowing his head, he follows Vanyel up to the headquarters. Tiredly, he pulls out a chair and sits down. Running his hands through his hair, he takes stock of their surroundings.)

This reminds me of some of the rooms in the Collegium. (Rooms of the sort Savil would take him and try to show him control over his powers.) Van, I'm scared of hurting you. I feel like I've lost control of my Gifts all over again.

Edited 2013-09-16 07:07 (UTC)

Well, I modeled it after that. I always felt most comfortable in one of these work rooms or out in the woods as the Talyedras worked, but since I cannot do the latter...

_{[ He shrugged and made himself comfortable as well, giving his lover a
sympathetic and understanding look. ]}

You cannot hurt me, Tylendel. Believe me, you cannot. Even without nodes to draw on. And we shall work through it. I was where you are, and you have been here before. So you know how to do it, we must simply practice it.

You make it sound so easy. (He smiles sadly and tips his head back, inhaling deeply.) You are at a level I can only dream about. I know you will be able to help me.

(But the idea of losing control terrifies him.)

I don't even want to knick your cheek. (Damn it all. He wants to protect Van from everything.) Vanyel, promise me you'll shield yourself? If I lose control, let me knock myself out.

Edited 2013-09-17 05:49 (UTC)

_{[ He gave the other a hard look. ]}

Tylendel, do not ask such foolish things. I will do what is necessary and no more and no less. Concentrate on yourself. I am not a china doll that will so easily break.

_{[ It was as much a warning for the other to stop coddling him as it
was to reassure the other. He would always love Tylendel, but again he was
reminded that he was not the same man Tylendel had known twenty some off
years ago. The gap did not stop his love, and every relationship, even
bonded ones, had their trials. He supposed this might be one of theirs.
]}

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