[ten PM, on the dot, and the gravel tone of Leonard Cohen's voice comes drifting out of the journals, informing people like clockwork about all the things that Everybody Knows. your host lets the music run a little longer than usual, tonight, then fades it out]Hey, folks, welcome to Monday night. This is your old friend Hard Harry with your weekly dose of attitude and tunes, and a little bit of the news if we're
lucky. ... We've had some random happenstances ... one of the dryers was walking around on its own, so whoever decided to play God with modern appliances? Kudos for not doing it with the toaster oven or the food processor.
We've only got one newbie this round, so everyone say hi to
Ellie! Sorry for puttin' you on the spot, but it's hard bein' the only new kid on the block.
[there's a brief pause as he lights up a cigarette and kicks back in his chair, watching Cohen the iguana chow down on his dinner] ... You know, now that I think about it, I've been here for long enough to go through the entire FM dial for broadcast frequencies. That's about two and a half years... and I'm still callin' em newbies. Why is that? Why don't we have our own word for it, some kinda Castle Wonderfuck slang? And for that matter, why don't we have more slang in general?
Think about it. You can usually tell where people are from by what they call stuff: whether it's a planetary thing, a language thing, or just a regional thing. In America, on Earth, where I'm from, you know where a guy's from if he calls this ice-cold Pepsi sittin' on my desk a soda, a pop, or a cola. What I call a sweater, someone in London calls a "jumper", and don't even get us talking about what kind of chips we each like, that just ends in Migraine City.
But I haven't ever really heard anything like that crop up here! Have any've you? I mean, sure, we've got "losses" and wishes and ghosts, and the Insolitus, but ... we don't really have any nicknames for things, any expressions that're just for ... well, for Paradisa people! I say we start comin' up with a few. For example: say you just put up some ridiculous thing on CastleNet, and now people won't stop simultaneously playing with it and cursing your name. Congratulations, you just Pulled A Crowley. If something's been around longer than you can remember, it's Older Than Allen ... or maybe Older Than Ino if that floats your boat more. Maybe you made plans to do something, and it was going along just fine and then suddenly blew up in your face for no reason whatsoever. BAM! Sorry, but you just got your ass Microwaved. See where I'm goin' with this? We could have as many of 'em as we've all probably got dust bunnies under our beds. So put your thinkin' caps on and let me know some of your best. Let's build our own language, here. Have a little fun.
And if that ain't enough to float your boat? I got to thinkin', and I used to do stupid contests on the air back home, once in a while. How 'bout one of those? I'll give a big, fat, ridiculous lookin' trophy - we're talking Stanley Cup, drink-a-gallon-of-punch out of it calibre - to whoever can go 'round the castle and collect the most ...
[and that's where he hits a snag. the problem with spur of the moment things is that you haven't thought them through. he scans what he's said so far that night, and snorts, amused. yeah. that'll work]... dust bunnies.
Send 'em in pillowcases, care of Hard Harry. May the best Wonderfucker win, and leave everyone else - well, eheh - in the dust. I'm gonna kick off tonight's set with somethin' by my old friends The Modern Lovers. Have a good week, folks. Next Monday we'll be on A.M band, rockin' it old school.
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pastina