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[molotov]

[Happy April, Paradisa! Molotov is aware that it's April Fool's Day, and she's also aware of the stupid weather, but she has a task that just can't wait.]

[Delivered by ghost this morning, to: Ezio Auditore, Hellboy, Dr. Gregory House, Mark Hunter, Kate Kane, Kermit, Mindy Macready, Corporal Maladict, Cross Marian, Princess Nudge, Spike Spiegel, Damian Wayne, Alleria Windrunner, Sylvanas Windrunner, and Veeresa Windrunner.]
[All of you should have previously received a save the date card. Well, now, in an envelope addressed to you "and guest", you've received this:]



[You know, for all your formal invitation wedding needs.

Inside the envelope, there's an RSVP card, mostly because Molotov is pretty big on traditions. You know, like formalities and proper execution methods. The card literally just says to contact her through the journal. Because Molotov is dumb.

Some of your envelopes might also contain a special, handwritten note! These are mostly chastising, such as telling you to dress properly, to be on your best behavior, etc. Because Molotov is also a bitch.]

[Molotov is actually out in this terrible weather, taking care of her poor bears, making sure they're happy. Once that's done, she just holes up in the reserve's office with Mishka, reading and waiting for the rain to break.]

[ OOC: Open to anyone who might be out in that weather, for whatever reason. TO THE WEDDING INVITEES: feel free to apply whatever bitchy little note might work best for your character, if they got one. Also, the invitations went out regardless of how she feels about each particular person, so you might get attitude when you RSVP >:3 ]

Comments

[molotov]

Why is it difficult? Medicine is so much more advanced in my time, so we live longer lives. We have more time for everything, so we do not start marrying and popping out children as soon as we grow pubic hair. I think that makes sense.

And Ezio. [Disapproving look!] Do not sleep with the fake women that the castle makes up for world changes.

[assassino]

Because I have no lived it as you have.

[But Mollllllllll.]

And why not? They seemed real enough...

[molotov]

It still should not be difficult to imagine.

And they are not real! It is disturbing. You would not have sex with one of the ghosts, would you?

[assassino]

A ghost does not have a body, or a mouth, or... well. It is not the same thing.

[molotov]

How is it any worse than having sex with something that does not exist? At least the ghosts are real... ish.

[assassino]

How do they not exist? They are there, they have bodies, I could touch them and sleep with them. It isn't like I am imagining them.

[molotov]

But they are not real! They are only there to complete an illusion. It does not matter if they had all the right slots, they still are people who would go on and live a life.

[assassino]

And they will go on with their lives remembering that lovely night together.

i had to take something out of the oven and typo'd that :(

[molotov]

I meant that they are not people, and do not be egotistical.

whoops, I wasn't sure :( sorry!

[assassino]

[But he's so good at being egotistical.]

So then I'll go home and remember that lovely night together. If they aren't real, I can't possibly hurt them. Who is harmed by it?

[Other than Cristina, now...]

[molotov]

That is like asking what is wrong with necrophilia.

[QUESTION YOUR LIFE CHOICES, EZIO]

[assassino]

What is that?

[molotov]

Having sex with dead people.

[assassino]

[SPLUTTER]

It is not like having sex with dead people!

[molotov]

It is very much like having sex with dead people. They are not actually living humans like us, or even the townspeople. And having sex with corpses is a victimless crime.

[The ghost waiter brings Ezio a new beer. It seems to know he'll need it.]

[assassino]

[He definitely wants that beer.]

What? Molotov, they can express themselves. They are not corpses. You cannot prove they don't have souls anymore.

[molotov]

They never had souls to begin with! How can something not real have a soul?

[assassino]

Well, how do you know they never had souls? They acted no different from any other woman I've ever slept with.

[molotov]

And that looked exactly like the Paris I was used to, but it was not really Paris. I could not get on a plane from there and fly to Moscow or New York. Why would the completely fake residents of fake Paris be real people?

[assassino]

How do I know you're a real person? Or anyone who lives in the castle? I did not rape them, so what does it matter?

[molotov]

Because I exist all the time, not just during world changes? And fine. I am just saying, you cannot rape a corpse either.

[assassino]

[What teouhgjfaksdasd]

What is with you and corpses? They are not corpses!

[molotov]

Nyet, they are more like zombies. The living dead.

[assassino]

That is disgusting, and these women were not disgusting. If you blindfolded me, I bet I could not tell the difference between a random woman from town and a random resident woman.

[molotov]

Of course your khui cannot tell the difference, Ezio. That is for your brain to do. You do have one of those, da?