paradisa | The Thirty-Ninth Day (backdated to a few days ago - right after finding out that Ted left)

Entry tags:

shiki misaki

The Thirty-Ninth Day (backdated to a few days ago - right after finding out that Ted left)

[Shiki opens up the journal and her mouth, preparing to say something.

And then she closes them both.

A few minutes she opens the journal again... just to close it again two seconds later.

Another few minutes later, she does the same thing yet again.

Finally, she manages to speak into the journal, not bothering to filter in the slightest.]

...You'd think, after being left behind in the castle as much as I have, I'd have gotten used to it by now. That would be the smart thing to do, wouldn't it?

[And now, for the first time in a long, long time, she's going to sink into a feeling of self hatred, and jealousy of those who can keep it together, those who are "smart" enough to learn how to deal with losing friends to the castle, and just... everyone who isn't her.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[alright gurl let's bond over lack of ted. probably saw her thread with Barney, at least enough to know they're talking about the same person]

the logical answer would be yes
but then again since when did feelings give a damn about logic

[Originally, Shiki had this idea where maybe if she just stayed alone in her room for a while without everyone telling her how sorry they were, it would be easier to deal with this.

But then... she could hardly not respond to Aradia.]

I guess never, huh? But just... you'd think I'd at least have learned how to cope with it.

[Aradia used Coping Technique: RATIONALIZATION!]

well
to be honest its probably for the best
i mean
he did hate it here and his loss really stressed him out
so hes probably better off now than he was here
...
if he really did go home

Huh? What do you mean, "if he really did go home"??

[a pause, as she figures out whether she should say this (yes; it's too late now), and how.]

hes probably gone home
but you know how lately whenever we have a world change a few people come back with all their memories of paradisa intact?

Y-Yeah, I've heard about it happening a little bit...

well apparently when that happens
its because they never go home at all
instead they wind up in one of those places with all their memories replaced
so by the time we run into them again theyve been led to believe theyve always lived in that world
they dont even remember their own homes until they come back here

R-Really? So he could still be somewhere adjacent to here, but just... not Ted? Not our Ted, at least?

[Aradia pauses, but when she replies, her voice sounds quite a bit more confident.]

no
hes still our ted
no matter what happens that will always be a thing that is true
the only difference now that i think of it
is that we will have to remind him of it

So... you mean that if we go to another world here and we see him there, we could remind him of who he is and bring him back here?

yes exactly!
and if hes gone home and comes back here
we can just remind him who we are instead

W-Well, yeah... but who knows how long it could be before he comes back?

You know, if he comes back at all...

then i guess we had better not forget him 0u0

Y-Yeah, I guess we better not! I don't think I could, even if I wanted to. And I don't.

thats the spirit!
maybe sometime we can gather around a campfire roast marshmallows and tell funny ted stories back and forth
the campfire is optional
but the marshmallows will be mandatory

[ARE YOU CHEERED UP A LITTLE YET........]

No, I don't think the campfire is super optional, either. The best part of roasting marshmallows is having the campfire, after all!

And... thanks, Aradia. You're just... you're the best~

aw shucks

No, really... Ted is so important to me, if you weren't here, I don't know how I'd deal with it.

Dammit. I'm sorry.

[Awkward awkward. He doesn't eve know who left, but damn does he know how it feels.]

...Not your fault.

[By this point, she's gone through this spiral often enough that she doesn't even really bother speaking all that much at this point. She doesn't even know what she wants, she just knows that she won't be able to provide it.]

I know. Still wish there was something I could do, you know?

Yeah, I know... so do I.

Damn. But we both got other people still here, right? We gotta be strong for them too. And in the memory of the people who left. I don't think they'd want us to be sad, you know? Hard not to be, but like you said, we gotta hope they'll come back.

Yeah... yeah, I guess.

...But not right away.

... Yeah.

Thanks for... understanding, though. I appreciate it.

You're welcome, I guess.

Need some company?

Not... really this time? I mean, I feel like it might just kind of... rub it in, you know?

Gotcha. But I'm always here to talk.

I... I appreciate it. But, by this point... I just don't know what there is to talk about. He was here, and a really, really good friend of mine, and now he's gone, and I miss him. That's it.

We can start with that.

What do you mean? It's not really a start... it's an all.

How about how a really, really good friend of yours wouldn't want you to mope around and feel so alone?

And I won't forever. But I still want my sadness now.

Alright. But if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

I... thank you. I appreciate it, Gold.

Not everyone can be so good. Some people are just destined to make mistakes.

But... but the same mistakes! Over and over and over again!

Then what are you doing wrong? There must be something.

People that I love keep leaving the castle. And I still haven't learned how to deal with it. That's what I'm doing wrong.

Mm. I suppose everyone gets used to it eventually...

Well, yes, but... yeah! Exactly! I've been here for long enough... shouldn't I just be used to it by now?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The Thirty-Ninth Day (backdated to a few days ago - right after finding out that Ted left)

Shiki

Aradia - Icon fail? You saw no icon fail. There never WAS any icon fail. Obviously.

Shiki - every icon is the right one

Aradia - And thus, the mun didn't pick icons, but clicked "Random icon" for the rest of the thread.

Shiki - I keep getting robot icons when I do that

Aradia - Really? I've never used the random icon button before now, so I'm just exploring, myself!

Shiki - /tries it again ... /yup, first icon is a robot one lololol

Aradia - Aw, and I still have yet to get /any/ of Shiki's interesting icons...

Shiki

Aradia

Shiki

Aradia

Shiki

Aradia

Shiki

Aradia

shiki

Aradia

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Shiki

Gold

Shiki

Gold

Shiki forever

Gold forever

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject